


Winter's Thaw.

by irishgirl321



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Humor, Captive, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Sex, F/M, Hydra, Reader-Insert, Romance, SHIELD, Violence, curse words, irishgirl321, marvel AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-01
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 12:51:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 26
Words: 64,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1551143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irishgirl321/pseuds/irishgirl321
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drugged, kidnapped, and thrown into a locked room you are left with but one choice: Fix the chemical formula for Wiping the Winter Soldier's memories, or die.</p><p>*14/11/17-?: CURRENTLY UNDER RENOVATION/REWRITE*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Choices

**Author's Note:**

> After seeing Captain America: The Winter Soldier I came reeling out of the cinema, stunned by how good it was.  
> And with a newfound obsession.  
> Bucky Barnes.
> 
> So I set about thinking of a plot to a fan fiction, and this is what I got. It's a reader insert, which means you (yeah, YOU) are part of the story, your name being represented by '_____'
> 
> It is based just after the events of the Winter Soldier, but with a little extra.  
> On his way out of the Captain America exhibition, Bucky was grabbed by some of the few remaining Hydra operatives, drugged, and dragged back to their base.  
> That's all you need to know for now.
> 
> *NOTE 14/11/17: So I disappeared for a while, but now I'm back. I started writing this when I was like 17, and my grammar was not up to scratch. I'm going through the fic and fix it so apologies if the changes back and forth are a bit disconcerting*
> 
> CURRENT CHAPTER: REWRITTEN

The man shoved you roughly into the dark room in the basement of the facility. You stumbled, staggering forward and flew into a desk. A sickening pain shot through your stomach as you slammed into it's hard edge with enough force to send the heavy wooden structure tumbling away from you. It hit the ground with a loud bang. Falling backwards also, hit the ground hard, knocking your head against the hard concrete. You curled up into a ball on the ground, pain emanating from every part of your body, gasping and choking as hot tears slicked down your face.

An arm grabbed you roughly and you let out another cry at the rough, hard grip. You were jerked to your feet, almost falling again as you tried to regain your balance. You got your footing, and the hand tightened around your arm momentarily, drawing another hiss of pain before it released. Through tear-filled eyes you glared up at the man. He leered at you, and you could smell the rank stench of his breath on your face. If you weren’t so terrified you might have gagged.

"You're a pretty one," he whispered, stroking a dirty finger down the side of your face. "I would thoroughly enjoy my time with you."

You shuddered in disgust, and looked away. You had never been more afraid in your life. However, you were unable to run or fight or move. Fear had frozen you in place. Something you thought would never happen. After all your years of training, you were reduced to nothing but a trembling wreck, unable to remember the most basic survival instruction in an abduction situation.

But then resolve stole through you. You were ______ ________. One of SHIELD's greatest scientists, a combat expert trained by the goddamn Black Widow herself, and you were damn well not gonna go down without a fight to a guy who looked like fucking _Golum_ from Lord of the Rings.

He frowned, obviously noting the newfound resolve glinting in your eyes. You brought your knee up sharply into his crotch. He gasped in pain and stumbled away from you, just as your other fist connected with his jaw. Hard. There was a loud crack, and his head snapped to the side. You slid one foot behind his leg, and then shoved him backwards with both hands. Kicking your leg up, you knocked his legs out from under him and he went down, hard. He let out a loud groan of pain.

_Yeah, now you know how it fucking feels._

You grabbed the desk chair beside you and raised it up. He looked back up at you, arms moving to protect his face. He was not quick enough, and you brought it down full-force over his head. He slumped to the ground, unconscious or dead, it didn't matter to you. Adrenaline and survival instincts surged through you, and you didn’t stop to consider that you may have actually killed him. You stood over the body, panting lightly.

The sound of someone clapping made you realize you were not alone in the room. Against the wall opposite the door, a man in a pinstriped suit sat on a metal chair. He was surrounded by three huge guards carrying heavy guns. For a second you couldn’t understand how you had missed them, before realising you had been somewhat occupied. You examined them and felt your heart sink deep inside your chest. There was no way you'd be able to defend yourself against them.

You gulped and wondered if your momentary bravery had just cost you your life.

The guy in the suit stood up and brushed down his clothes. A few bits of dirt slid off the otherwise impeccable material. "It gets terribly dusty down here," he told you with a smile.

You watched him warily, and didn't say a word, so he continued.

"But you'll get used to it, my dear. After all, you'll probably be down here for a long while. Plenty of time to adjust"

That got a response from you. "What?" you found yourself gasping. All the air had left your lungs once again and the world began to spin.

"Oh yes," he nodded. He stood up and began to wander towards you. "Years possibly. Maybe you'll even die down here. In your natural time, or prematurely, I don't really care. But all of that depends on you.” A finger reached out and prodded you in the chest, not hard or forcefully, but somehow that just made it so much more intimidating. “If you help me, things might be different.”

"You kidnapped me. I have no idea who you are. Why would I help you?" you sneered, trying not to let him see how deathly afraid you were.

"Think of it more as helping yourself," he told you and nodded to one of the guards.

The huge brute shouldered his weapon, and then walked across to the right hand side of the room. Reaching up, he ripped back a curtain you hadn't previously noticed. It slid back to reveal a smaller section of the room with two camp beds. One of them was occupied. Curiosity got the better of you, and you stepped forward to get a better look.

A man lay on the bed, his eyes closed. Messy brown hair was splayed into the pillow his head rested on, and some kind of black substance was smudged around his eyes. His features were sharp, angular, though he as in need of a good shave. If he didn't look so terrifying you would have thought that it made him look like a raccoon.

But you didn't. You were too busy staring at his metal arm, and the red star at the top of it, where his shoulder would end if it was still there. If you had had any doubt in your mind about his identity before, now it was long gone.

"The Winter Soldier," you whispered.

"So you recognize him. It figures, you probably saw the tapes of him in Washington."

With his words, and the reveal of the Winter Soldier, you knew with almost complete certainty who this man in the suit was. Well, not exactly who he was, but who he worked for.

"I thought all of Hydra were disbanded when Steve found out about your little band of groupies," you crossed your arms over your chest and stood up straighter. There was a very real danger here.

"Arrested, killed. Not disbanded," he shrugged, "Some of us remained. Cut off one head, two more take its place. New leaders took the place of the elders. And we recovered the Winter Soldier," he grinned, somewhat triumphantly.

"Steve will find him. He's already looking."

"I am well aware that he's looking, Miss _______, as I am aware of your friendship with Captain Rogers and that harpy Romanoff. They won't find you. Either or you," he snapped, beginning to lose his faux patience at your snarky tone.

"Doesn't matter if they find me or not. I'm not helping you."

He smiled again, but this time he resembled more snarling dog than human. "But you will. You will because I'm going to leave this room, lock that very strong door and leave you alone with him." He gestured to the Winter Soldier. "He's very confused, our equipment for wiping his memories isn't working properly anymore. Not even the trigger words are having too much effect. Indeed, it works for a few hours, but then his mind becomes confused, and he gets violent. Very violent. I wouldn't be surprised if he kills you on the spot as soon as he wakes up. You're only real chance is to fix formula for memory wipes until he is compliant once more. You'll be in here with him until you do."

Horror grew in your stomach. "You want me to treat him like a lab rat until I can get him to obey you again? Are you insane? No. I'm not doing that," you clenched your jaw. “I won’t do that. I don’t hurt people.” There was no way you'd further hurt someone who'd been through decades of torture, no matter what the cost.

The man's eyes lit up and he smiled broadly once more. His teeth were unnaturally white. You saw your rejection hadn't angered him. He'd expected it. And with that he played his trump card.

"Either you do it, and don't die in the processes, or I let my scientists and these thugs at him, and I get rid of you like the waste of space you are. They're nowhere near as gentle as you are. Poor soldier won't know a moment's peace with what they'll put him through."

You felt like something had punched you in the stomach as you looked at the unconscious Winter Soldier. This suit guy had you backed into both a literal and a corner.

The only way you could survive, even for a bit (though they probably would kill you at the end anyhow) was to experiment on this poor man, if you refused then you would die, but he'd still go through the torture. You glared at the Hydra leader, mouth twisting into a snarl and he chuckled, knowing he had you as he voiced exactly what you were thinking.

"If you do it, you'll save him the excess pain that my men won't"

You closed your eyes and exhaled softly, letting out a silent prayer:

_Steve, Natasha, please hurry up and find me soon, preferably before the Winter Soldier wakes up. And possibly kills me, for fuck’s sake._

You knew that it would take a miracle for that to come true. You didn’t even know where you were, let alone anyone else. They’d blindfolded you when they’d abducted you from your apartment and taken you here.

You didn't realize that you'd been staring at the ceiling until you heard the suit guy impatiently clear his throat. You turned your gaze back to him and he watched as your hate-filled eyes bore into him. You hoped you weren’t making the wrong choice, but you needed to do something to buy yourself some time.

"Fine. I'll do it."


	2. Temper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Winter Soldier wakes up, and you have to stand your ground in order to live, risky as it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second chapter in the 'Winter's Thaw' series.
> 
> CURRENT CHAPTER: REWRITTEN (2017)

CHAPTER TWO

The door closed and you heard the lock click. There was a sort of finality to the sound. One that brings a sense of despair, a melancholy hopelessness. Your hand went to your head, tugging slightly at your hair in agitation as you bit down on your lip, hard, and glanced around the room with frantic eyes. A few tears fell, unbidden from your eyes and you angrily wiped them away. You knew that they were watching, they hadn’t even tried to bother hiding the security cameras that dotted the room. You could taste blood, and knew that your teeth had broken skin.

The slight sting came as a relief, something to ground you. You felt only this small pain right now. Right now you were okay. You needed to focus upon the present, and not let the future terrify you. Fear roiled in your stomach and you felt slightly nauseous. Your other hand crept up to massage your stomach, trying to soothe it. Getting sick would not help you. It would just let them know that they had gotten to you.

You wondered how they had found out where you lived, before immediately understanding. SHIELD traitors were everywhere. You probably even knew some of them.

_No, stop thinking about the past._

_Focus on the present._

You shook your head, trying to clear your mind of all of the not-completely-necessary thought, and breathed in and out deeply. _The present. Riiiiight_. You looked around the cell, because even though it didn’t have bars that was exactly what it was. Your eyes came to rest upon the occupied bed _. Ah yes. The here and now._ You were alone with the drugged and more-than-slightly-insane Winter Soldier.

_Yeah._

_He’s gonna kill me when he wakes up._

_Nope._

_Nope._

_Do no start having a panic attack. Focus on something else. Look at… the cell! Are there any flaws in it’s security, any way to escape? Think about that and not about-NO!_

You spun around, taking in the cell from all sides. It was big enough. It had to be, as you noted the huge amount of jumbled the lab equipment at one side of the room, obviously for you to work with. _Yup, gonna have to sort through all that. Maybe now? It’d be a distraction?_

The two beds on the side of the room opposite the lab equipment was separated from the rest of the room, and each other, by white curtains. To you they looked like hospital bed with privacy curtains, but you hadn’t been in a hospital too much before so you weren’t completely curtain. The curtains were currently drawn back. Beside the door that you had been shoved unnecessarily though was a bathroom, though this one had an actual door. _Thank fuck._

You walked over and peered in the door to take a look. You were expecting seriously bad conditions, but it was definitely not as dire as you would have thought. It was indeed sparse, that was for sure, but there was a proper toilet, sink, and shower/tub. There was also towels, toilet paper, and hair products, and toothbrushes, which was more than you had thought they'd give you.

Though it made sense. If they treated you well now, and then threatened you with beatings and worse conditions the comparison would definitely provide an incentive to cooperate. That, however, was not implying you were any way keen to cooperate. No. Right now you were still looking for an escape route.

Not really seeing anything you could use as a viable weapon, you sighed. A noise made you turn. The Winter Soldier had turned in his bed. You knew that the shift was a sign that whatever drug they had used on him was fast wearing off. It must have been strong to keep a super-soldier down.

Not wanting to sit around and simply wait, you headed back over towards the lab equipment. It was all a mess, systems which had obviously been ripped out of walls, tangled wires and missing pieces. You began to separate them, examining what you had to work with. As you turned over a hard-drive system you saw the SHIELD logo on it.

_Ah, so they’d used the chaos to their advantage and stolen things. Figures._

Many of the equipment they had provided you with had absent components. For some, this was a big issue as research and production would simply not be possible without them, other things were smaller. There was an A4 pad and pen on the ground beside the over-turned desk, which you snatched off the ground. Turning to the first page, you clicked the pen so that the nib appeared and started writing as you hunted through the equipment.

You searched for every little minute missing piece. Even if a system was missing a piece but would still work fine without it, you listed it. The longer they had to hunt for numerous tiny parts was more time you had available to delay your research by. When you finished sorting everything, you had a list of 48 missing pieces they needed to provide you, ranging from major to minor (though you did not include that classification), and an additional eleven pieces of equipment in full that you needed them to provide.

Satisfied that it would take them a while to procure the stuff, you happily sat back on the ground. Nothing made you feel better than vindictive glee. You had no real choice but to cooperate, but you’d definitely make this process as long and arduous as possible. Soon enough, if not already, your absence would be noted and your friends would begin to hunt you down.

You stood up and stretched, feeling slightly better. This improved mood plummeted drastically when the Winter Soldier let out a loud groan, and began to move around in his bed. You knew it was happening. He had shifted a few more times since you had begun working upon the equipment, but you had been in ‘science mode’ and brushed it off. Now, you were standing there realising that maybe you shouldn’t have been looking at equipment in the last hour. You should have been figuring out how to deal with _him_.

Fear washed through you, lacing your blood until it ran cold. _How were you going to play this? Should you sit on your bed beside his and talk to him to try convince him you weren't a threat? Or should you keep your distance?_

He thrashed suddenly, violently. The movement was so sudden and strong it had you leaping back in shock, a startled yelp of fear escaping your lips. His metal arm flailed in the air, glinting in the light from the bulb above, and came down with so much force you felt the floor shake slightly. It smashed into the bedside table next to him, immediately reducing it to broken shards and splinters.

Your hands clapped to your mouth in horror, and you staggered backwards. You almost tripped yourself in your haste. _Yup, keeping your distance seemed like a good idea._

Retreating to the opposite side of the room, you righted the fallen desk quickly. It was easier to hide behind if it was upright.

_No._

_Don’t show fear._

You had to be strong about this. Snivelling and begging would probably do no good when faced with a brainwashed mass-murder. However, a feat of strength and resolve might stop him. The way you considered it, his victims had been undoubtedly afraid and they died. HYDRA operatives, who seemed eerily calm in their demeanor had controlled him for years. Plus… Maybe, if he wasn’t functioning as they wanted him to, maybe he would listen to reason? It was a slim chance, but you decided to take it. If you could get through to him, maybe get him on your side, you stood a way better chance of escaping with your life.

You took the swivel chair and brought it around behind the desk, still watching him all the while. He was still lying down, though he had begun to mumble. It was incoherent, a jumble of different words in different languages. You had travelled a lot and were able to pick out some Russian, potentially some Romanian, Czech, and English. You sat down on the chair, feeling the soft fabric underneath, and leaned back on it. You crossing your arms to try give an illusion of strength, but also to hide how badly you were shaking.

It took a few more minutes for him to wake up, but when he did it was unnatural and frighteningly sudden. He shot up, suddenly flying into sitting position and looking around wildly. When he saw you he went perfectly still in the span of a second. The immediate switch from fast movements to motionless statue just freaked you out even more.

His eyes narrowed as he stared at you. There was no emotion in them, no curiosity or confusion. An absence of everything. It was like looking into a void. Even though there was no anger of hate, it wasn't comforting at all. It was like watching a predator examine its prey. You swallowed heavily and his eyes followed the heave of your throat. He knew you were afraid.

Silence filled the air. There was an undeniably tension in it. You were worried that merely speaking might snap him into violent motion, but you couldn’t just sit here. Letting him make the first move might make you seem weak. You cleared your throat, and then spoke softly but in a strong voice. "Hello."

He didn't say anything, just looked at you with unreadable blue eyes. His head tilted slightly and you knew that he had definitely heard you. You gave him a few seconds to respond, but silence only filled the air once more.

"My name's ________," you tried again.

As soundless as a phantom, he rose from the bed and began to stalk over towards you. You got to your feet, not wanting to stay sitting down and have him tower over you. You stood a better chance on your feet, anyway. His stride was smooth, and confident. A predator that knew its prey had nowhere to go. Those unreadable eyes never strayed from yours.

"I'm friends with Steve," you said desperately.

The Winter Soldier stopped dead in his tracks, and flinched sightly. You could see confusion in his eyes at the mention of Steve's name. His mouth twisted, turning down and there was a flicker of something else deep in his eyes... Was it sadness? Pity and sorrow washed over you. He looked so... Lost. Your heart lurched slightly and some of your fear began to recede.

"You remember Steve, don't you?" you kept your voice low and took a step out from behind the desk. Both your hands were raised in a conciliar manner. "Steve Rogers."

He twitched again and raised his non-metal hand and ran it agitatedly through his long hair, averting his eyes from you.

"He misses you, you know," you continued, taking another step forward. "He's looking for you... Bucky."

His name was the wrong thing to say. The Soldier's head snapped around, and his gaze became ferocious. You put your hands further into the air in front of you in a placating gesture and took a step backwards, but he was far too fast.

_Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit._

His cold metal hand closed tightly around your throat and you were slammed into a wall. You would have cried out in pain, but you no longer had any breath left to do so. You slid up the wall as he hoisted up so your feet were dangling in the air. He was holding you with one hand, but there was no sign of strain upon his face. He was too strong. You were choking, gasping for air. _You were going to die._

"THAT'S NOT MY NAME!" he snarled in your face, his own pale one inches from your spluttering, choking one.

Your feet his uselessly against the wall as you struggled to find a foothold. Stars swam across your vision and you began to see patches of black as well as bursts of light. Unconsciousness was looming, and if you didn’t stop it you stood no chance. You would be completely at his mercy. You clawed at his metal hand, fingernails scraping along it but it didn't budge from your throat.

Desperate and fading fast, you did the only thing that came to mind. So for the second time that day, you kicked a guy in the nuts. _Hard._

He may have been a genetically engineered super-human AND the Winter Soldier, but it had the same effect upon him as it did any man. Plus you had kicked him with as much force as you possibly could. With a cry of pain, he dropped you and sunk to his knees, hands covering his crotch.

Your feet hit the ground with a thud and you stumbled, but miraculously didn't fall. Your hand flew to massage your throat, and you gulped down the much needed air, coughing so hard that you felt you still somewhat felt that you couldn’t breathe properly. Your relief was exceptionally short-lived as the Winter Soldier glared up at you with hatred and began to struggle to his feet.

"NO!" you roared, your voice raspy but hard and firm. It shocked both yourself and him, and he actually flinched away from the power in your voice. Your throat was so sore, and your voice scratchy, but you continued speaking before he could attack you again. "Don't you dare touch me again. So help me God, if you touch me again I'll kick you in the nuts so hard that you'll cry for a week."

You knew you were being pretty aggressive, but you were quite mad, and mainly you felt like the only way to stop him from tearing you into pieces was to surpass his physical violence with the violence in your words. So far all the other approaches had not worked at all. _Might as well try some good old fashioned confrontation._

He stood up, towering over you, but he didn't move to attack you again. You were thankful for that, but did not drop your guard. You had almost died from doing that two minutes beforehand.

"Do you understand me?" you hissed, crossing your arms and glaring up at him angrily.

A burst of emotions flickered across his face, surprising you. You squinted, trying to glimpse what he was feeling but they disappeared before you could read them.

"Well?" you tapped your foot on the ground. Your tone had gone from pissed-off dragon lady to a slightly lesser mother-scolding-her-disobedient-child. You knew you were playing a dangerous game, but you were just seriously unsure of what else to do.

Then you heard it. One tiny little word, but a word all the same. "Yes.”

_Ah, he speaks!_

In order to attempt to confuse him into a bewildered state rather than an aggressive or homicidal one, you changed tactics. Stepping forward, you reached out slowly, giving him plenty of time to see what you were doing, and touched his arm gently. It was kind of like taming a stray dog. _If they were violent, get them to submit, and then reward wanted behaviour._

"Good," you gave him a soft beaming smile, expertly hiding the anger and fear you felt churning away in a tight ball in your chest. "Now, Soldier, I want you to go over and sit in that chair while I check your vitals."

He didn't move and you stared at him with berating eyes. When it became obvious he wasn't going to go anywhere on his own you took his arm in a firm and solid grip and began to lead him over to the lab equipment. At first he didn’t move after you, but you tugged insistently, giving no room for argument. His foot twitched forward, and you gave him another smile and a nod. Seeing your face, he took another. After a few moment he followed placidly, like a child.

"Sit,” you ordered, pointing to the chair. Your tone was firm.

He sat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Captain America, Bucky (though I wish I did, I'd shower him with chocolate and hugs and Disney movies. He's just so sad), Hydra, or anything like that.
> 
> Thanks for reading chapter two :)


	3. No Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You weren't a field agent. You weren't cut out for it. It was why you had stuck to working in the lab all these years. And now you were smack bang on the middle of the final SHIELD vs Hydra showdown.  
> Just your goddamn luck."
> 
> Chapter three in the 'Winter's Thaw' series.
> 
> The Usual Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel, or any of it's characters (except in my dreams)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CURRENT CHAPTER: REWRITTEN (2017)

"Everything seems fine. Well, as fine as they could be. Obviously there were some strange readings, like your crazy off-the-charts-metabolism. However, all things taken into account they were only pretty minor and to expected, considering... Well, considering all the things they've injected into you over the years. I'll try to request your file, though, just to make sure there's nothing irregular from your normal," you smiled shyly but still in a somewhat reserved manner.

You really didn’t want to do anything to set him off again. If he was to attack once more, you felt that this time he would know to keep your feet away from whacking him in the nuts once more. You had never understood the expression ‘standing on thin ice’ more than you did at that moment. One wrong word, and you could very well be dead.

The Winter Soldier stared at you with expressionless eyes, and didn't say a word. You hadn’t really expected him too. He had returned to being pretty much mute once more after you had begun to run tests upon him. Not that you were complaining. At least at this particular moment in time he wasn't trying to kill you (again). You could most certainly do without that fright (again).

"You can stand up, you know," you reminded him as you walked back over to the wooden desk that was most definitely going to be the source of many bruises of your forming bruises.

The Soldier simply stayed exactly where he was. Not even a muscle twitched. The eerie stillness was back once more. His eyes followed you as you swept across the room, and you kept the friendly smile plastered on your face. His stillness was making you slightly uncomfortable, but you weren’t about to let him know that.

"Is everything alright?" you asked, figuring you may as well simply address it.

"Yes."

That word again. You turned around, hiding your eye roll from him and busied yourself with flicking through the notes you'd taken in the A4 pad, making sure you hadn't missed anything. Usually your work was very reliable and pretty meticulous, but in this kind of situation where your head was a mess double-checking was probably always the best idea. Nothing seemed to be amiss, apart from a few spelling mistakes you had conducted in your hasty scrawl. When you were confident everything was in order you turned your attention back to him.

"So when do they feed us?" you figured you’d continue to try a more friendly approach now that things were calmer.

That particular question, of all things, drew a reaction. His face twisted in slight confusion at your words. "What?" He shifted slightly in his seat.

_Did he only move when he was in a speaking mood, or what?_

"Food," you clarified, pointing to your tummy. "I'm guessing it's around dinner time. They’re not gonna… Leave us to starve, are they?”

When thinking about it, hunger would provide a powerful motivator for you to get the job done, but it was a well-known fact that a person works best when all their basic needs were met. They may keep you fed at first, but starve you if you didn’t comply. _Yup, thinking about all the ways that HYDRA could force you to do what they said was turning out to be not a lot of fun. Expected._

While you had been babbling internally, the Winter Soldier appeared to have been debating your question. When your attention refocused on him, you saw him looking away, his brow furrowed. He kind of looked like a puzzled child.

"I don't remember," he said distantly. He seemed… Distracted. "I don't know when I have meals. I don't know what time it is."

The familiar pity you felt for him welled once again inside you as you examined him sadly.

_Imagine, not knowing what time it was because you didn't need to, seeing as you were only used as a weapon. Imagine being unsure of when you were fed, because other people's agendas were more important than your health. Imagine being lost in your own mind._

It was this pity, this sentimentality that made you move. Ignoring the voice inside of you that was screaming for you to stay away, that he was dangerous, you walked back over to the metal chair that he sat on and knelt down beside him. Your knees creaked as you did, and you winced. You were pretty still from being man-handled so roughly earlier on that day. You reached out, and gently touched his shoulder, fear and apprehension making you hold your breath.

When he did not lash out or react in any way, you rested your hand upon his shoulder. “Hey, that’s okay. I’ll make sure they get us something soon.” You smiled at him, maintaining eye contact. He dipped his head slightly in response, which you took as a good sign to say a bit more. “You’re a pretty big guy, you need to eat. It’ll be okay, just leave it all up to me.”

You paused, searching around to say something else. Just then your stomach gave a loud growl, interrupting what you were going to say next. Your hand shot down to cover it and your face coloured in embarrassment.

Upon hearing it, a faint smirk crossed his features. It gave his face colour, lighting it up. As you gazed at him you realized that he was actually quite handsome (when he wasn't trying to choke you. You really did need to get over that).

"Excuse m-,” you began but he cut you off.

"Looks like I'm not the one who needs to be fed."

_Was he... Joking with you? The guy in the suit was right. Whatever they were doing to Wipe his memory and make him an emotionless killer obviously wasn't working so well anymore._

"Yeah, well to be fair, I kind of haven't eaten since yesterday when those bastards burst into my apartment and grabbed me," you told him. “Or at least I think it was yesterday. They knocked me out on the journey over.”

"One time I went twenty three years without eating," his voice took on that hard tone again.

 _Oh Lord. What do you even say to that?_ You balked slightly, knowing that your eyes had widened as you desperately searched for an appropriate response that wouldn't make him go crazy.

"One time I tried to go on a no-junk food diet, I lasted three days before crying at a restaurant when my date ordered chocolate cake and ate it in front of me. In all fairness though, he did it to be a jerk." As soon as you had blurted that out you just wanted to hide. Whether or not he was in-fact the Winter Soldier, that wasn’t something you just throw out there.

 _What the hell kind of response was that!?_ You shook your head slightly, exasperated at your ridiculous nervous babble. But hey, in all honesty you were exhausted, scared, and most of all you were really _really_ hungry.

The Winter Soldier was watching you with a raised brow. "You're strange," was his only reply. He got up and walked away, leaving you even more humiliated.

For some reason, those words made you feel so much worse than you had felt moments before. When he had joked with you, you thought you may have a chance. A slim one at that, but a chance all the same. The slim possibility of not being alone, to have a companion down here. The look of disdain and contempt he gave you as he moved past was enough to crush that hope entirely.

"I have to go to the bathroom," you muttered, before making a beeline for the small room.

He didn't respond, just lay on his bed and stared up at the ceiling. His arms were folded behind his head. He sighed and shut his eyes. Swallowing heavily, you turned away, pushing the bathroom door open with shaking fingers. You closed the thin wooden door behind you, and went over to the sink. Leaning over it, you gripped the sides so tightly your knuckles turned white. However, when you did that you could no longer see how hard your hands were shaking. You stared at your pale reflection in the mirror, watching the tears begin to spill out of your eyes and down your cheeks.

You were afraid. Way more afraid than you were letting show.

You wanted Natasha. Your mentor had proven herself time and time again. She always knew what to do in these situations. She was your rock. Your solid ground.

You wanted Clint. He was a very good friend, like a brother to you. He always protected you. He made you smile when you felt like there was nothing to smile about.

Most of all you wanted Steve. You and he had become close in the short time that you'd met. Natasha had introduced you when she had become partners with him. He had appreciated how you taught him to use a cell phone, and you hadn't minded helping him out. He was kind and well mannered, not like most of the guys you knew nowadays. And he didn't mind, or at least continually complain about how you'd 'friendzoned' him. Clint did that, but it was more a joke than anything.

But the main reason that you wanted Steve right now was he of all people would have a clue how to handle the man who had once been Bucky Barnes, his best friend.

Being honest though, you would have settled for anyone to be with you right now. Even flirty, immature Tony Stark who you'd met once or twice, or stuck up Maria Hill who'd looked down on all of you scientists. Even the goddamn janitor in SHIELD would be better than being stuck in here alone with the Soldier.

You weren't a field agent. You just weren't cut out for it. It was why you had simply stuck to working in the lab all these years. And now you were smack-bang on the middle of the final SHIELD vs HYDRA showdown, being forced to work for the bad guys. _Just your fucking luck._

You wiped the tears from your cheeks and straightened up. You were pale-faced, all the colour drained out of it and the remainder of your mascara had streaked down your face from all the crying. You grabbed some toilet paper and mopped up under your eyes. You weren’t heading outside after having visibly cried to have him make another comment.

You needed to get rid of all traces of tears. After splashing some water over your face and waiting a few minutes until some of the redness in your eyes had died down, you decided you looked okay. Pushing open the door quietly, you glanced out of the bathroom. You stepped hesitantly out of the room, tilting your head so your hair fell over your face. You looked at the Winter Soldier from under your hair, trying to be inconspicuous. You really didn’t want him to notice you looking and potentially take an incentive to talk to/insult you again, but you couldn’t help sneaking a glance.

The Soldier was sitting upright on his bed, a plate of food on his lap. He looked up and noticed you watching him before you could look away. Without saying a word, he gestured to the desk, where another plate of food sat on a tray. It didn’t look particularly appealing, but it was something.

"How'd you get that?" you asked timidly, unable to stop yourself.

"It came through the door when you were crying in the bathroom," he said bluntly.

_Oh. So he'd heard._

You didn't even bother replying, knowing fine well that you might indeed start to cry again if you did. You sat down at the desk, upon the swivel chair, as far away from him as possible. Beginning to eat your dinner, you averted your eyes from him, focusing on the door to the cell.

You could feel his gaze boring into you.


	4. Bargains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You wrote for a little while longer to take your mind away from the fact that you were going to have to sleep in the same room as a seemingly bipolar killer who had tried to strangle you earlier.  
> On the the hand, there were moments, like just there, that he didn't seem too bad. He had been almost... Friendly, infact."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CURRENT CHAPTER: REWRITTEN (2017)
> 
> Hope everyone is well!

You ate as quietly as you could, without saying anything else to him. He didn’t speak either, not that that was particularly unexpected.  One reason you did not attempt to strike up conversation was because you did not know what to say, but the main one was that you just really didn’t want to talk to him anymore. His words earlier had just made you feel like total shit. He just made this whole experience so much worse. You would have preferred if he had just seemed completely mute.

The food was bland, tasteless, pretty much what you would expect prison food to be like. It was food, all the same, as previously said you were so goddamn hungry. It could have been nothing but a plate full of brussel sprouts and you probably still would have eaten it.

_Okay._

_Maybe not that._

_You weren’t that hungry just yet._

You finished it anyhow, without really having to force yourself, and dropped your fork down upon your plate when you were done. It made a loud clang when it landed. The noise caused the Winter Soldier's head to snap up and his cold eyes once again locked with yours. His hands shot out, a grasped the top of the bed frame tightly. It had obviously startled him. He was totally still once more, ready to explode into a burst of movement.

"Jeesh. It was just my fork. Relax," you put as much disdain into your voice was you could, wanting to hurt his feelings repay him for earlier. Unfortunately, he did not seem even slightly perturbed by your tone.  Rising to your feet, you turned to go back into the bathroom.

"Are you going to cry again?"

_Oh my God._

You gritted your teeth but refused to turn around until you forced your expression to be neutral again. _Damn, he knew exactly how to rile you up._ Turning to glare at him, you noted his curious face. That made you pause for a moment, wondering if he was not actually trying to be rude or if he just had no idea how to talk to people. You weren’t sure, it could have really been either.

"No. I'm going to brush my teeth, actually," you let the annoyance you felt show in your voice as you kept walking. "You'd probably want to do it after me, as well. Not brushing for that twenty-three year period mustn't have been good for your hygiene, but better late than never, I suppose."

With that subtle dig you closed the door to the bathroom. There were two toothbrushes in a cup on the shelf just above the sink. One was blue, and one was pink. Not wanting to chance annoying him by taking the blue one, you claimed the pink. After squirting some of the toothpaste they had left you onto the pink brush, you began to vigorously cleaning your teeth. A few minutes later upon finishing, you rinsed your mouth, and then left the bathroom.

Pushing the door open, you leapt back as you caught sight of him just outside the door. You hadn’t expected him to be standing there, and especially standing so close to you when you came out. Seeing as he’d attempted to kill you earlier, it was a bit frightening. You skirted around him, moving back into the room.

"The pink one is mine," you informed him, and there was only a single grunt in response.

You glanced behind you just in time to see the door close. You could hear movement and shuffling footsteps from inside. Soon after you heard the familiar sound of the tap water running, and teeth being vigorously scrubbed. You smiled despite yourself, pleased that he had actually listened to you. It was only a small thing, but he had listened. It gave you hope that maybe he would so in the future.

Retreating back into the area with the beds, you sat down on the one the Winter Soldier had not previously occupied. Reaching out, you drew the white curtain around the bed. Once you were covered, you glanced around the inside. There was a small chest at the end of the bed. When you opened it up you saw there were some clothes in it. Your clothes, actually.

_Had they grabbed it for you when they raided your house?_

Thankfully, they had remembered undergarments. You were glad. Having to go commando would not have been fun _at all_. Despite this, the fact that someone had gone through your underwear drawer made you more than slightly uncomfortable. Evil villain strangers touching your stuff was not something you were keen on. You quickly pulled off the clothes you currently had on, and slipped into something that you could wear to bed; baggy grey sweatpants and a purple t-shirt.

You slipped out from behind your curtain just as the Winter Soldier was emerging from the bathroom. He drew to a halt when he caught sight of you, a strange expression flashing over his features.

 

***

He stopped for a second when he saw you stepping out from your little make-shift room.

You looked at him with wide eyes, and he could sense anxiety radiating off you, reminding him of a small rabbit when it encountered a wolf. However, he noted that you did not cower. Instead your eyes blazoned slightly in concentration as you tried to get a handle on your nervousness. He admired that, but it didn’t stir him to change his attitude in any ways.

He didn't try to smile, to reassure you in anyway, simply because it wasn't in his nature to think about putting you at ease. At least, it wasn't in his nature anymore. He didn't really know himself well enough to claim what was in his nature and what wasn't. Sometimes he felt more human, other times more robotic.

You had changed your clothes, he noted. His eyes focused on your face first, but then began to examine you from head to toe. As his gaze dropped, his eyes were drawn to the v-shaped t-shirt. He could see the swell of your breasts. He dragged his eyes from that specific part of your body, but was unable to stop them roving down the rest of your figure, and then back up.

_What was that? Why had he done that?_

He had been a man once, long ago, but a man all the same. And he had the idea that he liked women. Sometimes he had flashes of memory. He had liked women a lot indeed, in the Before.

Unable to stop, he continued to look at you. The messy way your hair tumbled suited you. framing her face and offsetting your bright eyes.

You was an attractive young woman. Very attractive. Not just in physical characteristics, but also in character. Despite everything, he admired how you had handled him. You handled his behaviour better than he did himself. Your character held strong discipline.

Even the Winter Soldier could admit that.

 

***

_Was he... Checking you out?_

You hadn't been oblivious to the way his eyes had lingered on your chest, before trailing their way down your body, and then returning upwards again to your face. You were frozen in place, slightly bewildered if the thing that you thought had just happened had in-fact happened.

If this had been any other man, in any other circumstance, you would have said he was checking you out. But this was the Winter Soldier. A genetically-enhanced HYDRA assassin. He wasn't any normal guy. He didn't have those sorts of feelings... _Or did he?_

You raised an eyebrow at him and gave him a quizzical look, which he promptly ignored. Without another look at you, he brushed past you and over to his bed. He yanked the curtains closed and was obscured from your view. You heard him sit down heavily upon his bed. He didn’t rise again. Shrugging your shoulders, you headed over to the desk once more. You plucked your A4 pad from the table-top and returned once again to your bed, pushing in through the side of the privacy curtain.

You propped the pillow up against the headboard, slid under the sheets, and opened it on your lap. You turned to a blank page, and began to write. For a few minutes, there was nothing except for the scratch of your pen on paper. All of that was interrupted soon enough.

There was a familiar screech as the curtain was drawn back, and the Winter Soldier stepped into your little room. He had also gotten into his pyjamas. _Which was really weird._ The Winter Soldier was in pyjamas. _But then again the whole thing was really absurd._ He was wearing blue and white flannel pyjama bottoms, and a white wife-beater top.

You had never been too fond of white-beater shirts, seeing as most of the guys who wore them were too scrawny to make them look in any way good, but he looked different. You could feel your eyebrows raise slightly as you looked at him. His handsome face was stern, and serious. He had obviously fixed his hair slightly, as it seemed less messy than before. It was his muscles though, that caught your attention. His body rippled with them as he moved. He was one of the most shredded guys you'd ever seen before.

_But yeah, you shouldn’t be thinking that. The guy had literally tried to strangle you earlier on that day. And you were gawking over his body._

You were suddenly very aware that he was watching you as you stared at him. Blushing furiously, you dropped your gaze to the list in front of you once again, and began to add more to it. Maybe if you ignored him, he’d get the hint and just leave. You knew it was a long shot, but still.

His stare was making you uncomfortable. You shifted in your spot, trying to pretend you hadn’t noticed him standing there, watching you.

"What are you doing?" he asked, his voice ringing in the silence.

Before you could stop yourself your head snapped up at him, surprised that he was actually curious as to what you were working at.

"I'm making a list of stuff we need down here so I can work properly, and just some other things I want in general," you explained, tapping the pen against the notepad. “Call them my demands, if you will. If I’m going to be stuck here I may as well make myself comfortable.”

He approached silently, and you tensed a bit. Obviously noting your reaction, he paused mid-step, before lowering his foot to the ground. He watched you silently, waiting until your body relaxed. He took another step closer until he was right beside you. You started sweating slightly, nervous at his proximity. Moving slowly, he reached over and took the notepad from your lap, ignoring your small sound of protest.

"Would you like to add something to the list?" you asked in confusion.

He was quiet, his eyes jerkily scanning your handwriting upon the list. After a few more tense seconds he opened his mouth to reply, and you thought you recognized the sound of amusement in his voice. His burning gaze found you again, searing into you.

"Are chocolate bars really necessary for you to be able to do what they're asking of you?"

You squirmed uncomfortably, not really knowing how to explain.

"I like 'em" Your hand ran through your hair, "And I just… I want to piss them off a bit, I guess. They need me, so they won’t hurt me unless I refuse to work. I’ll be able to get away with being a brat.”

"I don’t remember the last time I had chocolate," he admitted. “I don’t know if it was around in the Before.”

"I think they’ve been around for a while," you told him with a small grin. “I’m sure you have.”

He looked at you for a few more seconds, then leaned down and took the pen from your hands with a gentleness that surprised you. You flinched slightly as he drew near, but you managed not to twitch away from him. The pen scratched against the pad for a few seconds before it and the notepad, were handed back to you. You looked down at it curiously, and your small grin widened ever-so-slightly as you saw what he had written.

There on the list in your handwriting was: "21. Chocolate bars."

And it had been underlined three times. Not by you.

You shot him a curious look, unsure of what exactly to make of the gesture. You weren’t trying to be paranoid, but you couldn’t get the thought out of your head. _Was he trying to lull you into some false sense of security so that he could attack you later?_ You weren’t sure.

"Goodnight," he said curtly, before walking to his bed and drawing the curtains closed behind him. There was a click, and his bedside lamp went out. You didn’t hear him move again.

"Night," you called after him softly.

You wrote for a little while longer to take your mind away from the fact that you were going to have to sleep in the same room as a seemingly bipolar killer who had tried to strangle you earlier. Frankly, it was terrifying. You weren’t sure if he would just attack you in the middle of the night. While you were unawares. He had the potential to, you couldn’t ignore that.

On the other hand, there were moments, like just there, that he didn't seem too bad. He had been almost... Friendly. It was stupid, and you knew you’d be wrong to let your guard down, but you were beginning to become more relaxed about him. In these last few moments you had seen enough glimpses of emotion to know that something human, albeit lost and confused, was still in there. Despite the events of earlier, you had just seen something that you could possibly appeal to. It was terrifying, to have hope once again.

You switched off your light, and lay in the darkness, listening to his rhythmic breathing, trying to calm your pounding heart. While you lay awake, unable to properly sleep, a deep rooted fear was what kept you awake. You didn’t want to relax, you couldn’t relax, but you were so exhausted. You were scared and tired. Your stomach curdled. You could hear his rhythmic breathing in the bed across from you. Of course _he_ could sleep without any issue. 

You didn’t want to let your guard down.

After what felt like hours of fretting and worrying, you couldn’t keep your eyes open any longer. You fought it as long as you could, but your eyes drifted closed against your will. A restless, unsatisfactory sleep overtook you. 


	5. Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "As you stood in the shower, eyes closed, a single thought occurred to you.  
> Back there, you had called him Bucky. It was an accident, a slip of the tongue. But you had called him by his real name and he hadn't noticed.  
> He hadn't noticed in the way that someone doesn't notice something... Natural"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is Chapter Five... I was going to upload it tomorrow, but for you lovely people I uploaded it a day early  
> I just want to say thank you to all of you who are following the story and leaving kudos. It really means a lot to me that you guys seem to like what I'm doing. I really hope I don't let you guys down with this, and I promise that I'll try my damn best not to :)  
> As usual, I hope you're all well!
> 
> CURRENT CHAPTER: REWRITTEN (2017)

You were woken up by the door to the you room being slammed open suddenly and with force. Your eyes shot open, and for a split second your memory was completely blank. You couldn’t remember where you were, or even why you were there. A shout filled the room, and with the familiar, hated voice your memory came rushing back to you. Rolling over, you groggily pulled back the curtains and peered out to see why the disturbance was.

The man in the suit strode in with his three thugs in tow. Hastily, you rolled out of the bed and stood up as straight as you could as he approached. His gaze was fixed upon you, eyes glaring with anger. You took a step back, feeling intimidated. Beside you, the other curtain was drawn back and the Winter Soldier stepped into your view. He was already wide awake and alert, his stance strong, meanwhile you were squinting dazedly into the light and swaying slightly from lack of rest.

"I didn't bring you here to _sleep_ ," the man sneered. "I brought you here to get the job done."

One of his subordinates stepped forward, and you moved to the side to get away from him. Nervousness was wracking through your body, causing a visible tremble.

"I did work," you stubbornly defended yourself. "I did as much as I could, but the equipment you gave me is limited."

"It's state of the art!" he roared. Beside him, a guard shifted his gun restlessly in his hands. His hard eyes were fixed upon you. He took a small step forward, but his boss extended an arm to block him from coming closer.

"I know, I know, that's not what I mean!" you cried. "Some of it is missing pieces, and I don’t have all the stuff I need. In-order for me to be able to figure this out, I need all the files you have on him." You gestured to the Winter Soldier. "I need to know what chemicals were already used, and what reactions are 'normal' for him."

The man tilted his head to the side, narrowing his eyes. They were pale. You hated them. You watched nervously as he studied you. Finally, he sighed and his shoulders lost their tension.

"You're lucky that makes sense," he said gruffly, and motioned for the brute with the gun to step back.

"I made a list," you said hastily, handing it to him.

After you had placed it into his hand you quickly stepped back, almost moving slightly behind the Winter Soldier. You didn't really count on him to protect you, but you just wanted to put something solid in between you and the HYDRA boss at all costs. His evident bad temper was making you regret putting down your ‘other demands’ on the paper now.

Desperately you tried to right it. “I, uhm, forgot something.” Your hand extended desperately, hoping he’d surrender it to you without a fight. You just _really_ didn’t want him to see…

"Chocolate bars?" he growled. His teeth gritted together, and you could almost hear them grating against each other.

 _Oh fucking hell._ You really shouldn’t have tried to antagonize him. You shouldn’t have known better, should have known it would back fire with a psycho like this. He may not kill you for it, but he could surely get those guards to kick you around a bit.

You gulped heavily, feeling a warm lump at the back of your throat. Casting your mind around for something, anything, to say, you opened your mouth to speak but someone beat you to it. A quiet voice rang out, shocking all of you.

"I wanted them" The Winter Soldier said.

You gaped at him with wide, shocked eyes. Never had you expected him to speak up on your behalf. You offered him a timid smile, slightly touched. _Surely, they wouldn’t attack the Winter Soldier. He was who they were trying to fix, after all. They wouldn’t hurt their greatest weapon._

The HYDRA leader looked at him quizzically, head tilting as he examined him. Moments stretched out in-front of you, and then everything sprang into motion. The man gave you a venomous look before shooting a narrow eyed glance at the guard he had previously ordered to step back. The guard nodded at him, before stepping forward and slamming the butt of his gun into the Winter Soldier's head.

You cried out as he silently fell onto one knee on the ground, just about keeping himself upright. He seemed dazed, but after a few seconds he recovered and looked up. You moved forward to help the Soldier stand but the man in the suit motioned to the guard standing on his other side. He was before you in an instant, pushing you back and raising his gun. You froze as he jammed it at your chest, his finger curling around the trigger. You stared in horror, all the breath leaving your body. The feel of the gun against you had you freeze. You couldn’t move a muscle, only take short, fear-laden breaths.

"Don't you ever think you have the rights to demand something from me!" The HYDRA boss screamed. You couldn’t take your eyes form the weapon aimed at you. "I'll let you away with it this time, but next time you do, I'll kill you both." The Winter Soldier let out a sharp cry of pain.

"It was me," you said suddenly, managing to tear your gaze away from the gun at last. "I wrote it down, just please. Don't hurt him. He didn’t do anything."

The man didn't even look at you, just snorted in contempt.

"I know you did," he sneered. "I’m not stupid, but this worthless piece of shit needs to know that he can't get away with lying to me. Listen to me!" He kneeled down in front of the Winter Soldier and grabbed a fistful of his hair, yanking his head back so their eyes bore into each other. "You are not one of the good guys. You're not someone to protect this girl. You're only what I want you to be, what we made you," he hissed.

He let go of the Soldier's hair and gave his head a savage push to the side. His face returned to its eerie calm as he stood up, fixed his suit, and motioned to his thugs to follow him as he made to leave the room. He turned back to you when he was at the door and gave you a malicious smile.

"I'll get your chocolate, honey, and everything else you need. Don't you worry. But remember what happened here the next time you attempt to proposition me. You don't have the power to negotiate terms. Don’t ever think you do."

You glared back at him, refusing to crumble under his stare. He smirked, shrugged, and then closed the door behind him. For a split second nothing moved, you stood there, mind blank in shock. Suddenly, the Winter Soldier stood up and you rushed forward.

"Are you okay? Oh my God, are you okay? I am so so sorry. I-" You blabbered as you ran your hands over his face, desperately checking for any wounds.

He caught your hands in a tight grip and you were suddenly aware that you had been touching him without his permission. You froze ever so slightly. However, his hold was gentle. He didn’t squeeze your hands, or attempt to hurt you in any way. He looked down at you curiously and you knew that once again you were flushing ever so slightly.

"It's okay. It takes more than that to hurt me," he said quietly.

"Good," you breathed a quick sigh of relief before continuing your apology tirade. "I didn't think he'd get so mad, I'm so sorry, Bucky. I should have known better, I should have known it wasn’t smart, goddammit-."

"Calm down. It's alright, I said it's alright," he was saying softly. His voice, you noted, had more animation to it than any other time you had heard him speak. Maybe the blow to the head had shook some more humanity loose in him.

You stopped babbling, though your entire body was trembling. "Okay."

He looked at you for a few more seconds, before giving you a gentle shove towards the bathroom.

"You should do something. Sleep. It'll make you feel better."

“I don’t think I can sleep,” you admitted shakily.

“A shower. Something. You’re afraid.” It wasn’t a question.

At loss for what else to do, you simply nodded mutely, grabbed a few items of clothing from your chest, and headed into the bathroom. At the door you turned and looked back at him. He was standing in front of your lab equipment, staring down at it while lost in thought. He looked melancholy, but also a frown twisted his features. He was focusing on something in his thoughts, and focusing hard. You hoped that whatever it was would not cause him to relapse into an unemotional robot once more.

You shut the door to the bathroom, and turned to the shower. When you got it working you stepped in and let out a small whimper of relief as the hot water swirled over your body, washing away some of the stress and fear you'd been feeling. You hunkered down in the cracked, grey tub, pulling your knees to your chest to try stop yourself from trembling so much.

As you sat in the shower, eyes closed and water cascading down upon you, a single thought occurred to you. Back there, you had called him ‘Bucky.’ It was an accident, a slip of the tongue. He had acted like a person so you had seen him as one. Regardless of the reason, you had called him by his real name and he hadn't noticed. He hadn't noticed in the way that someone doesn't notice something... Natural.

You got out of the shower and wrapped a green towel around yourself to dry off. After putting on your clothes you headed back into the room, rubbing your wet hair with the towel to help it dry. The Soldier… Bucky… was still where you left him twenty five minutes beforehand.

He looked like he had not moved a single inch. You went up and touched his shoulder and he jumped. You flinched again, as even with the events and revelations of a few minutes ago you were still a bit wary. He only looked at you with wide eyes.

"I better get you all set up," you told him softly.

He nodded and sat down heavily in the metal chair while you went about starting up the lab equipment. You ran some more tests to compare to the ones you had taken yesterday, and compared his vital signs. Realistically you should have immediately examined them after he had been hit in order to see what effect it had upon his adrenaline, but you had been too scared and distracted. He didn’t speak to you, and you didn’t speak to him as you worked. Afterwards, you had just turned off the final machine when the door burst open a second time. This time it was the three bodyguards who barged into the room, there was no sign of their boss. One snapped his fingers, and two more men followed, carrying various boxes of equipment.

"That should be a lot of what you wanted," he growled.

You only had a split second to feel dismayed that they had obviously had items in storage and it would not take them as long to search for lab equipment as you had expected. All those thoughts vanished almost instantaneously in your mind, as he raised his gun and shot the Winter Soldier.

You screamed in horror, and tried to catch him as he fell off the chair and onto the floor. You weren’t quick enough and he hit the ground hard, emitting a loud groan. His eyes blinked up at you twice, and then slid closed. You tried to boost his head up onto your lap, but were intercepted.

"What are you doing!?" you yelled, as the other two guards grabbed your arms and dragged you backwards, your legs kicking wildly.

"Relax. It was just a tranquilizer. A horse tranquilizer at that," the one who'd shot him snorted, lowering his gun.

The others around him laughed.

"Why? Why did you do it!?" you demanded, your voice shrill.

The two who'd grabbed you let go, pushing you roughly away as they did. You lost your balance, your arms wind-milling in vain, and you fell back onto the ground. Your back let out a sharp twinge of pain, and your hand shot to it as you hissed. The guards ignored you and picked up the Winter Soldier. Behind them, a metal table with wheels was brought into the room by a sixth man. Four thugs grabbed an arm and leg on each side, and roughly hoisted him on top of it. His body slammed onto it, hard, as they let him go.

"His memory needs to be wiped. He’s gotten a little too fond of you in such a short amount of time," the main thug said.  

Without sparing you another look, they left the room. You staggered to your feet, and tried to follow, to help the Soldier in some way as he had helped you earlier. You had reached the door threshold when a savage punch in the stomach sent you sprawling back onto the ground. Your head hit the ground with a loud crack as you fell, and black dots swam across your eyes for the second time in two days. You cried out in pain, but no one paid any attention. You weren't able to move, your head was so sore.

They were gone and you were left alone in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And if any of you guys ever wanna message me on this or something, feel free to. I actually really enjoy talking to people and I swear I won't bite or choke you with a metal arm)  
> 


	6. Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Chapter Six.  
> I just watched Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters again, and man, Jeremy Renner is so freaking' hot. Fun Fact: Hawkeye is actually my favourite Avenger. I just think that he's so underrated and he never got nearly enough screentime!
> 
> CURRENT CHAPTER: REWRITTEN (2017)

CHAPTER SIX

Your head was pounding, aching and darkness threatened to overwhelm you. You lay groaning on the cold concrete floor, as you didn’t have the strength to rise. Turning ever so slightly, you looked to see if there was any blood on the ground. It was indeed there, a dark red pool spilling out from where your head rested. Upon seeing it a dim bolt of panic shot through you as you hoped they hadn’t cracked your skull open or anything.

You knew that you had to get up. You had suffered a head wound, and you couldn’t risk letting yourself lapse into unconsciousness. Managing to roll over, you got your shaking hands positioned underneath you and pushed upwards, rising your body so you could get your knees under you. You breathed in deeply, giving yourself a few moments rest so you didn’t collapse. Your head was seriously spinning.

Moving slowly, you managed to drag yourself across the floor and over to the desk. You turned and slumped back against it, closing your eyes. Your breath came in short pasts and you squeezed your eyes shut. Reaching behind you, you  grabbed hold of the top corner of the desk and used it to push yourself into a standing position. Knowing better than to let go of the desk, you reached up with one hand to tentatively touch the back of your head.

 _Ouch._ You winced.

As you lifted your bleary eyes, your gaze came to rest upon the wall opposite. On the unsteady-looking shelf built into the wall was a First Aid box. Using the desk to keep yourself upright, you moved your way around it and over to the wall, half falling into it. You opened it up and wrapped a bandage around your head after examining it. The cut was sore, but it didn’t seem deep. Knowing that shallow head wounds bled a lot, you reckoned that it may simply be that and you wouldn’t need stitches. It didn’t mean it didn’t sting like a bitch, though.

One of the lackeys who had brought the files and food earlier on had placed a tiny mini fridge in the corner of the room. You unsteadily made your way over to it and sat down in-front of it. Crouching may cause you to fall over. You opened it and peered inside. There were around twelve large bottles of water in there. Lurching forward, you ripped one out of the packaging and opened it. Not bothering to get a cup, you thirstily downed it all in a few gulps.

The cool liquid helped chase away some of the fuzziness from your brain. You felt your head again. Your hair was caked in rough, dry blood. You must have been lying on the ground for a while. When you finally had the mental capacity to think about what happened, eyes filled with tears. You angrily shook them away, not wanting to cry again.

You were done crying. You'd shed way to many tears in the last two days, and those HYDRA pricks weren't going to get another molecule of water out of you.

You shoved yourself upright, and stumbled over to the door. Banging on it as hard as you could, you shouted out for someone to tell you where they had taken the Soldier. You demanded him back, claimed you had more tests to run. No answers came. When you pressed your ear to the door you heard no sounds in the outside corridor and knew that no one was guarding you.

_You weren’t a threat to them, so why would they bother? You were just a girl in waaaay over her head._

Eventually, you had to give up. No one was coming to answer your calls. Needing to do something else in order to distract yourself, you busied yourself by checking through the new equipment they had given you. You had regained a lot of your strength by the time you finished looking through it, and were able to walk without the assistance of the wall or the desk as an aid. Carefully, you made your way back over to your bed, and sat upon it with your back against the wall. Flicking open a manuscript, you read some of the files, and the pain in your stomach grew as you read the details of what Bucky Barnes had gone through to make him into the Winter Soldier you saw today. And what he was still going through in some other room in this very facility.

Hugging your knees to your chest, you tried to think of some way out of this situation. Nothing at all came to mind. You had been blindfolded when you were marched in, but you felt that even if you hadn’t there was no way you would remember which direction to run. This place was an underground labyrinth. If you made it out of the room, you knew you would never make it to the surface.

The door did not open again for an agonizing day. You weren’t checking the clock on the bedside table, instead you simply sat in a trance as you stared blankly at the paper in front of you. Eventually, you dozed off. When you woke up, you saw that night had passed and it was the following afternoon. The Winter Soldier had been gone for almost a day now. You wondered what they were doing to him that was taking this long. Not really wanting to think about, you paced the cell for a bit before returning to your bed.

At that moment, a clanging rang out in the corridor outside of the room. The cell door was kicked open, slamming across the wall. The two brutes reappeared, dragging the limp Winter Soldier in by his arms. His legs were trailing across the floor behind him, his head was hanging. His hair was blocking his face from view. You were on your feet in an instant, bed sheets tangling around your legs in your haste to get over to him.

"Here's your pet," one sneered, as they both dropped the Soldier and promptly left, slamming the door behind them.

You raced forward and dropped to your knees beside the Soldier. Your sudden drop onto the hard floor had probably scraped them raw, but you didn’t even notice. He was kneeling on the ground, gasping and trembling. You reached out a hand and touched his arm. His skin was clammy, but cold. His hair hung in damp tendrils around his face. Your fingers found his wrist and pressed against it.

"Tell me how to help," you pleaded as you checked his pulse.

"Cold," he said in a choked voice.

You put his limp arm around your shoulders, wrapped your own arms around his waist. Using all the strength your still slightly unsteady body possessed, you stood, pulling him upright with you. His legs buckled and you very nearly dropped him again. His body was coated in sweat and it made him difficult to hold, but you managed. Breathing heavily with exertion, you helped him into the bathroom and reached out with one hand to push the toilet cover down before sitting him on top of it. You threw a towel around his shoulders and he clung onto the ends of it.

Turning to the bath and you spun the hot water tap, and as you perfected the temperature so it didn't scald him. Over the flow of the water you heard he was making a low whine, like a wounded animal.

"It's okay, it's okay," you reassured him, repeating the same words of comfort that he himself had told you earlier on that day. Deftly, you took off his shoes and socks.

You didn't even think as you pulled his t-shirt off him, and helped him out of his trousers until he was only wearing black boxers. All you thought about was getting him into the warm water to heat him up. His arms were wrapped around you tightly, hugging you close for warmth, and his entire body was shuddering intensely. You supported him over to the tub, and tried to lower him into it. However, you lost your grip on him and he half fell into it. The splash drenched you, but you barely noticed. You crouched beside him, holding his head above the water and brushing the matted, damp hair from his eyes. One of his hands came up to grip your arm as it cradled his face while the other gripped the opposite side of the tub. You stared into each other's eyes for a few minutes, until his shivering had subsided.

"They hurt you," he rasped, his hand left your arm and travelled up to brush the bandage.

"It's nothing," you replied, stroking his wet hair in the most comforting manner you could sum up.

A few more minutes passed in silence as you washed his chest gently with a sponge. His hand moved to stop you, causing you to look up and catch his gaze.

"It's not working, is it? Whatever they're doing to wipe my memory?" he asked.

"No. It almost seems to be doing the opposite. You seem way more... Human than you did this morning. They must have gotten something wrong," you breathed out.

He shifted slightly, glancing around nervously. The bathroom door was open, the camera back in the main room pointed at you both. He bit his lip, but then lurched forward into a coughing fit. Immediately you leant forward, patting his back.

You didn’t expected him to hiss at you. “They don’t know the words.” You paused for a second, but he nudged you, eyes urging you to play along. For the sake of the cameras, you patted his back and he continued to shake his body as if continually coughing. He explained in whispered breaths. “Trigger words they use to control me. Only the superiors knew they existed, let alone what they were. Most of them were arrested when SHIELD fell. They wipe my memories, and say the words to put me under their control. They don’t know _the words_.”

“That’s what’s returning you to normal,” you murmured. “They haven’t been doing it correctly. With their method of wiping your memories incorrect and not knowing the trigger words… Too much time is passing. Their influence is slipping.” He nodded slightly, and you swallowed heavily before speaking again. “Okay, so we need to keep them away from figuring any of that out.”

“Without getting killed,” he added softly. He wasn’t joking.

“Yup,” you sighed, popping the ‘p.’

He looked away from you, and then back. "I'm sorry… for attacking you."

You started in surprise, you had never expected an apology. "Don't mention it. I can be really annoying," you tried to joke. That made him let out a small huffing laugh, and the water rippled, lapping against the sides of the tub as his chest moved with the motion. You smiled back at him.

"So," you said, trying to sound light, "If I call you by your actual name, will you try to choke me again?"

He pondered this for a few minutes, before sighing and rubbing a hand across his face. “I’m, I’m not sure… Maybe it’s simply safer not to try it.”

“Alright,” you said gently, not wanting to push. “We can get there slowly.”

“I… I think I need to sleep,” he told you, his shoulders sagged.

“Okay, I can help you get out if you need it.”

“Please,” he seemed somewhat ashamed to have to ask for help.

You stood upright again, and down to wrap your arms around him. He was soaking wet, but you didn’t mind. His legs trembled slightly as he rose from the tub, but it was nowhere near as bad as before. He stepped out of it and down onto the ground. The cold air must have been a shock upon leaving the warm water as he trembled slightly as you guided him back into the room and over to the beds. Helping him sit, you rummaged through the small chest of drawers at the end of his bed and grabbed a black t-shirt and pair of tracksuit bottoms.

He was shivering slightly as you returned to stand before him. Your voice was strong as you commanded him. “Arms up.” He obliged, and you slipped the t-shirt over his head, tugging it down. You went to crouch in front of him in order to guide the tracksuit bottoms up his legs, but he reached out and stopped you. He plucked them gently from your hands. “I can put them on myself… I’d also like to change my, uhm, you know. If you wouldn’t mind closing the curtain.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry!” you exclaimed, immediately hurrying from the little segment of the room. You waited outside, hands clasped in-front of you, hearing the rustle of cloth as he pulled on some new clothes.

After a few minutes, his tentative voice rang out. “Okay… I’m ready…”

You ducked under the curtain and returned to his side. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m going to sleep now.”

You nodded understandingly. “Do you need anything else?”

“Some water… Maybe?” He was slumped against the bed, his body still slightly trembling.  His face was pale enough, though some noticeable colour had returned to it.

Turning, you strode back into the main area of the cell, and over to the mini fridge. Yanking a cold bottle out, you twisted the cap open and headed back over to the Winter Soldier. You passed him the bottle and he gulped it down thirstily, downing it all in mere seconds. Once he was done he handed the crumpled bottle back to you.

“Thanks,” he said quietly.

You gave him a tight smile, and then slipped out past the curtain once again. Pausing briefly to deposit the empty plastic into the bin, you then took another cold water bottle from the little fridge. Creeping back in just in case he was trying to fall asleep, you silently deposited the water on the ground beside his bed, careful not to touch the splinters of his former nightstand. When you glanced at his face, you saw that his eyes were open and watching you.

“Just in case you needed more,” you explained.

“Thank you.” His voice was gruff and there was a strange look in his eyes. He seemed more guarded than he had been a few minutes, probably because he was no longer in need of your help and now had time to think. You were slightly disappointed at the regression, but then again, you shouldn’t have expected this to be easy.

“Do you need anything else?”

He bit his lip, glancing around nervously. His face however remained expressionless. “Do you have any cable ties?”

Your nose wrinkled as you frowned in confusion, no understanding. “What for?”

“Could… could you tie me down tonight? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me last night,” you reasoned. Deep done, however, you knew you’d be more comfortable if he was restrained. It was hilarious that even in times of crisis, politeness was still so ingrained into your being that you couldn’t just agree straight off the bat.

“Please.”

“I have some wires I’m not using for anything, would those do?”

“I… I don’t think it really matters. If I really wanted to I could break through both, but it would give you some time…”

You swallowed nervously, watched by those guarded eyes. “I am making you uncomfortable.”

“This whole thing is making me uncomfortable.” You bit your lip, dropping your gaze onto the ground. “A week ago my biggest worry was that I had lost my job when SHIELD went under. Now I’m stuck here being forced to work for the bad guys.”

“Locked in a room with me.”

“Yes.”

He sighed, shifting restlessly. “Just get the wires. I’m starting to feel less like myself.”

“Okay.” You scurried off, ducking out under the curtain. Hurrying towards the pile of wires beside the lab equipment in the corner, you scooped them off the ground and retreated to his bedside. Some of the thick rubber-covered wires were tangled, so you took a few minutes to work out the knots. The material was hard against your fingers, chafing them and making them sore.

The Winter Soldier didn’t help. Just watched you with impassive eyes and an emotionless face. Eventually, you got the wires straightened out into untangled lines. When you had them all laid out, you returned your gaze to him once again.

“Alright, so how am I doing this?” You tried to keep the panic out of your voice, but it was still obvious. You didn’t want him to know, but you were afraid to touch him. Now that he wasn’t hurt and in need of help, he was once again the formidable threat who had tried to strangle you earlier.

Instead of answering, he just lay back down onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. You hovered above him nervously as he positioned his arms. It was a camp bed, so there was no headboard or little pillars around it. You had no option but to tie his arms to the metal frame running down the side of the bed. It must have been wildly uncomfortable, but no expression coloured his face. He didn’t speak except for one instance where he instructed you to tie him down tighter.

“Sorry,” you grumbled. “I don’t have much experience with bondage.”

You joked when you were nervous.

Peeking a look at his face, you searched for a hint of a smile. Instead all you saw was a raised eyebrow. Dark hair pooled back on the pillow beside him, and with how still he was he could have been a statue.

When you were done with his arms, he instructed you to do the same to his legs. Without a word, you complied. When he was done it looked as if he had been captured in a black spider web. Thick wires wrapped all the way up his arms and his legs, holding him in place as securely as they possibly could. He tried to move, but could only shift slightly as they help him in place. He nodded at you, conveying his silent approval. You simply stood with your hands twisting at your sides. You weren’t entirely sure what to do next.

“Do you need anything else?” you finally asked. He shook his head. “No? No water or anything?”

He went to shake his head again, but then paused. “Maybe some water.”

You reached out and grabbed the bottle, unscrewing the top. He couldn’t move very well/at all, so you had to slide one hand underneath his head to hold him up. He shot you a disdainful look when you did that, but you ignored him and pressed the top of the bottle against his mouth. “Drink.”

Still eyeing you with annoyance, he drank. You didn’t take it personally, just figured he did not like to be babied in any way. After a few seconds he turned his head away from it, showing he was finished.

“Let me know if you need more,” you said quietly as you placed it back on the ground. “I doubt I’ll be getting much sleep tonight.”

He nodded, then turned to stare back at the ceiling. The rings around his eyes were proof that he was obviously extremely tired. Once again, you felt a jolt of pity for him.

“Goodnight,” you whispered, moving over to the curtain. You glanced back, but his eyes were closed. You slid out from the curtain, and walked over to your own bed. Sitting down on it heavily, the bed creaked under you. You covered your face with your hands, and let out a long breath out. You didn’t bother to change before climbing into your bed, yanking the thin blankets up to your chin.

Sleep did not come that night. Not at all.

Your eyes were red and sore as you lay in the bed, gazing up at the ceiling. The Winter Soldier started snoring, and you felt slightly incredulous that a person who seemed so unhuman-like could do something so normal. It was kind of relaxing though. If you closed your eyes, you could pretend you were back in Natasha’s apartment, sleeping on the fold out couch while Clint snored on the inflatable mattress underneath you. Your eyes welled up with tears, but none escaped.

Hours and hours passed, though you had no way of telling because your own curtain blocked the clock on the other side of the room. There were no windows, so you could see no sign of sunlight either. You tossed and turned restlessly, before eventually kicking over the covers and marching over to the lab equipment. Out of curiosity, you attached the cuff to your arm and took your own blood pressure. It was high, obviously due to stress. That gave you the confirmation that there would be no way you would get to sleep tonight. Even if your mind would relax, your body wouldn’t. Instead, you sat down at the desk and started reading over your lab notes.

A while later, a quiet cough interrupted you. You paused, dropping your pen onto the paper, and stood up. Bones cracked with the movement, showing how stiff you were. If you ever got out of there, you vowed to take up yoga again. Stretching your arms over your head, you listened to the air around you. You could hear the rustle of bedsheets from the Winter Soldier’s curtained bed.

“Are you awake?” you called softly.

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to let you out?”

“Yes.”

No please or anything.

Rolling your eyes, you made your way to his bedside. His eyes fell on you as you entered the room, and you gave him a tight lipped smile. He nodded in return. Stooping down, you reached out to untie the knot holding down the arm that was nearest to you.

“Wait,” he said suddenly. You froze and looked up at him. His face was blazing with intensity. He swallowed and spoke again. “I want to try something, but you need to be ready.”

“Okay?” Your nervousness was evident.

“I want you call me by my name. From Before.”

“I thought you said that wasn’t a good idea.”

“I want to try.”

“Alright,” you nodded. “Hang on.”

You disappeared again, hurrying back over to the lab equipment. There was nothing there that you could use as a weapon apart from a mop. It wouldn’t be very effective against an enhanced assassin with a metal arm, but you didn’t really have any other option. You rushed back into him, raising the mop above your head. He raised a brow when he caught sight of it, looking slightly exasperated.

“If I do something you stand a better chance shouting for help than you do wielding that flimsy piece of wood.”

“Look, do you want me to do this or not? Stop putting me off.” You were getting visibly angry, but it was mostly due to agitation resulting from fear.

He nodded slowly again. “Okay. Sorry.” Before you could respond, he settled back into the bed and squeezed his eyes shut slightly. He took a deep breath and tugged at his restraints slightly, making sure they were secure. Opening his eyes, he made eye contact with you and inclined his head.

A long pause stretched out, his body tensed as he waited.

“What do I say?” you interrupted quizzically.

“My name,” he said, noticeably getting annoyed.

“Yeah but do I just say your name, or like a sentence. Seems weird to just say your name.”

“Just… just do it how you want to,” he growled.

“Uh-huh,” you nodded. “Alright. Here we go… Your names is Bucky Barnes.” His body jerked slightly, fingers splaying out. You took a step back and readjusted your grip on the brush. His eyes were squeezed closed, face scrunched with concentration. “You lived in Brooklyn. You were part of the 107th Infantry Regime.” His entire body was trembling, and you faltered slightly, not knowing whether or not to continue.

“Go on,” he hissed. You could see blood in his mouth, from where he had bitten down so hard on his own lip that he had broken the skin.

“You were a really good boxer and a Howling Commando.” His body convulsed violently. Your voice trembled with fear. “You were captured by H.Y.D.R.A.” A wire snapped, causing you to jump in shock. The metal arm came free, reaching over to tear at the wires restraining his other arm. You debated stopping, running to the door and screaming for help. Something inside you told you to continue.

The brush clattered to the ground as you lunged forward, pushing him onto the bed. His metal arm came up, grabbing hold of your throat. The bruises around you neck twinged at the rough contact. You knew you only had a few more seconds left of air before he started choking you. Desperately, you said your final piece. “You were best friends with Steve Rogers. Captain America. You were with him after his parent’s funeral."

The hand froze, still clutching your neck but not squeezing. The Winter Soldier gazed at you, shock on his face. You could see a war raging behind his eyes. “You told him you could crash on his couch. You said you were with him until the end of the line.” Slowly, you reached up and grabbed a hold of his wrist, tugging it down, encouraging him to release his grip on your throat.

He could have easily tightened it and strangled you, but instead he let you take him hand and lower it to the bed. His eyes were fixed on you and his breath came in short pants. You swallowed, but continued to speak in a gentle town.

“You’re alright,” you told him softly, still holding onto his hand. “You’re okay.” Slowly, you released your hold on him and stepped back. “Bucky. Bucky Barnes.”

He shuddered a little, but it appeared to be more of a release of tension than anything else. He stared at the wires trapping his body, before returning his gaze to you. You arched a brow, silently asking if he was calm. He nodded shakily. You still didn’t move.

“Who are you?” you asked quietly. You wanted to be sure.

His metal arm shot out, ripping the wires off his other one. You held your ground as he sat up, wary but no longer afraid. Throwing the wires onto the ground, he made eye contact once again. His gaze was unwavering.

“I’m Bucky,” he said. 


	7. Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's kind a short, but sweet. Hopefully you guys like it.  
> Seriously though, thanks for all the support. You guys are the absolute best and I seriously hope you know that :)
> 
> CURRENT CHAPTER: REWRITTEN (2017)

CHAPTER SEVEN

“They’re watching us, you know,” he quietly commented days later.

He was leaning over your shoulder, watching as you wrote comments upon the notes you had taken today. His proximity was still a bit unnerving, but he hadn’t attacked you at any stage so far so you were growing more at ease with his presence. You paused, putting the end of the pen against your teeth and biting down nervously.

“I know,” you replied in a whisper. “The big security camera in the middle of the floor isn’t exactly subtle.”

“They’ll notice I’m getting better. They’ll try something more drastic.”

“They’ll figure it out at some stage anyhow. I really don’t think there’s anything we can do about it.”

Bucky hesitated, and you twisted in the swivel chair to look at him. You had stopped calling him the Winter Soldier as you had seen the increasingly human side emerge over the past few days. It had been a tentative process, with some relapses and fits of rage, but they were becoming fewer and further in-between. You knew having hope wasn’t a good idea for it could be so easily crushed, but despite yourself you did hope. You hoped he would revert to his former self. The man from before all this. Steve Rogers had claimed he was a good man, and that seal of approval was enough for you.

Bucky was still staring at you, frowning slightly.

“Something wrong?” you asked.

He looked at the floor and mumbled something. You couldn’t make out what it was.

“Huh?” you said.

“Do you trust me?” It was barely audible, but that time you got it.

You gazed at him, wondering if you truly did. He was all you had down here, as unreliable as his temper may be _. But did you trust him?_ Your eyes scanned his face, unsure. The fact that you were taking so long to answer had the corners of his mouth pull down in a grimace. Sadness and shame clouded his eyes. That was the deciding factor.

“I trust you,” you told him truthfully.

And you did. You trusted the man in front of you with the melancholy eyes. You didn’t trust the man who obeyed H.Y.D.R.A.s every command. But that man was not here right now.

Your words had his eyes light up. He gave you a small, almost unperceivable nod and slowly walked in front of your desk. Confusion was written plainly across your features. He flashed you a grin that disappeared in a nano-second, before a cold look came into his eyes. Seeing the change, you scooted your chair back.

He was perfectly still for a second, before he shot forward in an explosion of moment. He picked up the heavy desk as if it was a pillow, and threw it with one hand. It hit the wall on the left hand side of the room with a bang. Wood collapsed inwards on itself as the desk broke. Caught off guard, you shrieked loudly as your hands shot to your mouth.

Bucky stormed over, and picked up the remains of the desk. He spun to you, face twisted in a snarl. Upon seeing the terror and shock on your face, the aggressive expression dipped for a second to reveal concern. You could hear shouting in the corridor.

“Duck,” he hissed at you, and lobbed the desk at you.

You threw yourself to the floor as the desk sailed overhead. You heard a loud crack and your hands shot up to protect your head. Nothing hit you, however. When you finally looked up you saw the security camera had gone from the ceiling. You located it a few metres behind you, lying on the ground. Wires protruded from the end of it.

Suddenly you understand. _Ah, that’s what he was aiming for._

The whole thing had been a show to get rid of the camera. Before you could say anything, the door slammed open and guards trooped into the room. Two of the burly ones charged for Bucky. You were going to scream at him to take them down so you both could make a run for it, but caught yourself as they jammed a taser into his stomach. His knees buckled and he went down. You saw one of them bring his elbow back and shoot it forward, and you knew that they had shocked him again.

He fell to the ground, facing you. Your mouth opened as you were about to scream for them to stop, but despite the pain he managed to shake his head at you. _Don’t give the game away._ Tears pricked your eyes, but he shook his head again. It was hard to make out as his entire body was trembling.

A boot nudging your side got your attention. A younger guard with blonde hair was standing above you. He had a scar running down one cheek and his face had a sour expression. As you stared up at him nervously, he slowly extended a hand to you. You looked at it, unsure if he was just going to yank it away if you reached for it. An impatient look came over his face. Swallowing, you took hold of it. His other hand cupped your elbow as he helped you rise to your feet.

“Are you alright?” he asked gruffly.

“Yes,” you nodded. “Nothing hit me.”

“You need a new desk.”

“Maybe… Yes.” The sounds of the tasering was making you feel sick.

“My name is Erickson. Ask for me if you need anything. I don’t agree with keeping girls as prisoners in a cell with this psycho.”

You would have classified yourself as a ‘young woman’ over a ‘girl,’ but if it gave you brownie points with this guy you were happy to allow him to call you whatever we want. Still, you were guarded when you replied. “Thank you.”

He nodded curtly, before turning and snapping at the others. “That’s enough. Back outside, all of you.”

The men grumbled, but did as they were told. Erickson looked at you again. “Unfortunately I can’t have him moved to a different room. We are limited for space down here.”

“That’s alright,” you responded a bit too quickly. Erickson was smart, and caught on to it. He looked at you curiously. You had to remedy this quick. “I’ve handled him on my own before.”

Still somewhat suspicious, he nodded slowly. His face showed that he didn’t really believe you. However, he was letting the issue go, something you were glad about.

“Remember to ask for me. Not Ivanov.”

“Who’s Ivanov?”

“The man in the pinstriped suit.”

“I thought he was your boss,” you said curiously, not realising that antagonizing the only H.Y.D.R.A. operative that was somewhat nice to you wasn’t a good idea.

Erickson frowned and the scar on his face seemed to leer at you with the movement. “He is, but I am second in command. I too hold authority.”

You figured it was time to let the issue go, and instead nodded and stepped back. “Well, thank you.”

He turned on his heel and began to stride out of the room without saying another word. When he got to the door he hesitated, before twisting back to look at you. “By the way, he took out the camera above you. I will warn you of two things. The first is that if he is to attack you again, we will not be able to see it. You will have to shout if you can. The second is with it gone we cannot see if you are working or not. If you do not make progress, we will take it as you have not been working and measures will be taken. Those measures will not be decided by me. Expect no leniency.”

“Understood,” you replied as your heart began to beat faster in your chest.

Erickson held your gaze for a couple of more seconds, before striding from the room and closing the heavy metal door behind him. You could hear a bolt being drawn over it, and once again you were alone. You exhaled shakily, looking towards Bucky.

He had recovered already and was sitting up. His hand was pressed to his stomach, which he was rubbing tenderly and wincing. The tazing didn’t seem to have too much of an effect on him.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes. Tranquilizers are more effective long term. Unless I’m in the process of being tazed I’m alright.” You moved over to him and crouched beside him. There was concern on his face as he regarded you. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to scare you. Well, I did so they’d believe, but not that much…”

“It’s alright,” you smiled and offered him a hand. “It worked.”

He took it tentatively, but as he stood you felt no pressure on your arm and knew he actually did not need your help. He was using his own strength just fine. His gaze settled upon the folders lying on the ground, they had been beside the desk.

“Can I read them?” His voice was rough.

“I don’t know if that’s the best idea.” You had read them. Their contents weren’t pretty. You really didn’t need or want him to have a melt-down now.

“Please. I have a right to know.”

You rubbed a hand over your face, still unsure. But in the end, how could you deny him? He was right. He should know. It was his past. While it wasn’t him who had done these things, it was still his past.

“Okay,” you finally said. He started for them but your arm shot out, blocking him. Surprised, he turned to face you again. You were worrying your lip nervously, eyes darting over his face. “I…” you started, but trailed off. You had to clear your throat before continuing. “I just want you to know that it wasn’t you. It was them. It wasn’t you, alright?”

He stared at you, visibly troubled.

“I want to hear you say it.” Your voice was wavering slightly.

“It wasn’t me,” he repeated after a few seconds. He sounded unsure.

“Okay. Remember that,” you instructed sadly.

You walked over to the folders and lugged the stack of them to your chest. He was by your side, so you turned towards them and passed them to him. He took them carefully, eyes still on your face. After you relinquished your hold, you stepped back.

“Do you want some privacy?”

“No. Can you, could you stay while I read them?”

“Of course.”

You followed him as he made his way over to the sleeping area. Reaching up, he yanked back the curtain and approached his camp bed, sitting down heavily. You drew back your own curtain and seated yourself on your own bed, opposite him. For a few seconds, you both simply stared at each other, each of your backs resting on the wall.

“Thanks,” he said suddenly.

“For what?”

“For being here.”

That earned a small smile. It twisted its way onto your face unexpectedly. He had never actually thanked you before. It was unexpected, but welcome. “I’m happy to help.”

He inclined his head at you, and opened the first folder. He started to read silently. With nothing else better to do, you watched him. You also wanted to make sure that he was okay. His face twisted down as he scanned the folder, a look of pain showing on his face. You stayed quiet, unsure of what exactly to say.

He finished with the first folder, and then the second and the third. You watched sadly as his face became more and more upset. He only got halfway through the fourth folder before throwing it down onto the ground. He sat forward, feet planted on the floor. His elbows rested on his knees with his hands over his mouth. He was breathing rapidly, almost hyperventilating.

You were about to ask if he was okay, when he finally spoke.

"I killed them" His voice was quiet, but you could hear the floodgate of emotion about to break inside of him.

"Who?” you asked quietly, unsure of what else to say.

"That family. I killed them all. And another family. And another. And another.." His voice was choked and he rose abruptly, striding over so that he stood at the end of your bed with his hands curled into fists.

"Remember what I said,” you tried to reason with him. You extended a hand, reaching for his fingers. He jerked away from you, and you tried not to let the hurt you felt at this rejection show on your face.

"It was me though," he said heavily. "It was my hands... These _HANDS!"_ The last word was a roar as he slammed his metal fist into the wall over your head.

There was a loud thud and you let out a loud yelp as plaster rained down upon you. You shot forward quickly, leaping out of the bed and gripping his shoulder. Roughly, you yanked at him, turning him to face you.

"You have to stop!" you told him urgently. "You have to stop before they come to see what that noise was and figure out that you're alright again!"

"Let them come," he snarled. As you watched, tears overflowing from his eyes. You had no idea how to react to that. For the first time, you noticed what a brilliant blue they were. "Let them know. I deserve to die... I deserve to-"

He cut off as your hands came up to cup his face, forcing him to look straight at you.

"Are you going to leave me here, Bucky?" you said softly. "Are you really going to leave me all alone with them?"

His broad shoulders had been tensed. He was wound up, ready to explode, but at your words all the fight seemed to go out of him.

"No," he whispered, and you felt his arms wrap around your waist. You jumped slightly in shock, you hadn’t expected him to touch you, let alone for it to be a somewhat intimate touch. Sadness changed people. "I won't leave you"

"And I won't leave you either, alright?"

"Promise?" he asked. Tears slid down his face and dripped onto the chest of your t-shirt. He didn’t seem to notice, just stared at you with watery eyes. Your heart lurched and you felt a strange tenderness towards him.

"Promise," you agreed. Slowly, giving him time to stop you if he so wished, you reached up. Your touch was gentle as you wiped the tears away from under his eyes with your thumbs.

He pulled you into a tight hug, and you relaxed in his arms with an ease that surprised you. You felt the shoulder of your top becoming damp as tears leaked from his eyes and slowly soaked into the fabric. You weren’t used to seeing any man, especially one like Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier, so upset. He was so filled with guilt and remorse about something that wasn't even his fault, and it ripped your heart in two.

As you held him, you had to get him out of here. You had no idea how, but you wouldn't let them take him away again.


	8. Guarding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You weren't aware that you had been screaming until the man stopped moving, and Bucky stood above him, sprayed with blood and panting.  
> Suddenly you saw the crazed look go out of his eyes, and he took a swaying step away from the body.  
> "______?" He said fearfully."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION PLEASE:  
> Okay guys, I just kinda want to warn you about this chapter. Basically, there is a slight bit of attempted rape in it. No rape actually takes place, and to be honest it barely even gets close to happening, more than anything it just hints at it, but I wanted to warn you guys in case it's an uncomfortable topic for some people, and I really don't want to upset anyone. I'm probably making this out to be way more dramatic than it actually is, because it only hints at the attempt of it, but I actually do care about my readers, so I want to give you the choice on whether or not you want to read it.  
> If you decide you don't want to read this chapter, go down to the end notes at the bottom of the chapter, and I'll include a summary of the events that took place in the chapter so you'll know what's happening. Please, if you think there's the slightest chance it may offset some trigger, don't read it. I really don't want anyone to be upset.
> 
> Thanks for reading this guys, all the kudos, bookmarks, subscribing and lovely comments mean the world to me, you fabulous people!
> 
> CHAPTER RENOVATION: COMPLETE

CHAPTER EIGHT

"Put this on," you instructed firmly a few weeks later, handing Bucky a blood pressure cuff.

He smiled at you shyly, and did as he was told. There was no more argument with him, something you were exceedingly thankful for. The velcro strap made a loud ripping noise as he opened it and then fitted it around muscular bicep again. When he was done, he settled back into the swivel chair. It began to turn, prompted by his sudden movement, and began to carry him away from you.

You chuckled at the annoyance on his face. To stop the chair’s movement, he dug his heels into the ground and used his feet to propel him back to face you. A strand of dark hair fell across his eyes and you leaned forward to brush it back. He started slightly at the touch, before settling back. His eyes twinkled and you dropped your hand to pinch his cheek gently, before drawing back to flip through your notepad again.

There was affection in the movement, something that had grown over the time that you had spent cooped up in the cell with him. It was strange how a situation like this can bring people together, but you felt closer to him than you ever had felt to anyone else. When you don’t have anyone to rely on other than one person, it’s strange how much they could come to mean to you. If anything happened to him, you would be lost. Hopelessly, intrinsically lost.

His violent outbursts had all ceased, though they had been replaced by night terrors instead. Those you could handle, as he wasn’t putting his hands around your throat or trying to kill you in any other way. He was slowly returning to something that was recognizably near his old self, but you knew he’d never be exactly what he was. Too much had happened, too much had been done, for that return to ever be possible.

By your estimation, you had been in that cell for around a month and a bit, though you had gone through periods of darkness and hopelessness, so you were never sure if you were right or wrong about that. Time easily slips away when you don’t see day and night.

"You need a haircut, Tarzan," you joked affectionately.

He smiled back and caught your hand, giving your fingers a small squeeze. You smiled at the action, returning the motion. Just then you heard the familiar sound of the bolt outside the room being drawn back. Bucky immediately dropped your hand and slid the emotionless mask of the Winter Soldier across his face. You stepped back, and busied yourself in pretending to examine your notes.

You expected the see Erickson, or even the man in the suit, Ivanov, to be coming to check up on your progress. Erickson usually appeared every few days to see how you were getting on, and if you needed any more equipment. Despite yourself, you liked Erickson. His beliefs and allegiances may be twisted, but he wasn’t cruel.

However, when the door did open, it wasn't Erickson, or even Ivanov, instead it was the guy who'd thrown you into the cell on the first day, the one who you'd beat up. He smiled at you, but it was more of a leer. You immediately felt uncomfortable. You knew not to trust men who looked at women like that.

"Can I help you?" you asked coolly, looking up from your notepad.

"The boss wants you to hurry up. Everyone's getting a little... impatient," he growled, stepping inside of the room.

"Tell your boss that I'm working as fast as I can," you turned back to Bucky, swallowing nervously.

You could see the glimmer of concern in your friend’s eyes as he saw your expression. With slightly trembling hands, you fixed the strap on the blood pressure cuff. The feeling of his skin under your fingers was reassuring, and you didn’t want to move away.

The man spoke again from behind you. "See, he don't think that's entirely true. He thinks you're delayin'. I'm here to punish you for that." You could hear him coming closer.

"Beating me up will only slow down the work even more," you told him, mustering all the courage you had.

Your blood chilled when he gave a cold laugh. Nausea began to build in your stomach.

"I'm not gonna beat you up, darlin', well, I will if you struggle," he grinned malevolently. “He said I can do what I want, if it will make you work. You were warned, after all.”

You swallowed, strong fear coursing through you. There was a crash as Bucky surged to his feet. The chair went flying away.

"Sit back down, Soldier," the man snarled at him. His hand reached out for the radio on his hip.

Bucky looked at you, and you gulped and gave him a tiny, almost imperceivable nod. Your eyes pleaded with him, telling him not to blow his cover. You could see the rage swimming in his crystalline blue eyes, but you ignored it, and gently pushed him back down onto the chair. Despite telling him he’d be alright, you removed your hand so he wouldn’t realise how badly you were shaking.

"Onto the bed," the man ordered, confirming your worst fear.

 Bile rose in your throat and you blinked back the tears that were about to fall from your eyes. Clasping your hands in front of you so you wouldn’t noticeably shake, you slowly walked towards it. Your legs felt unsteady, like they would give out at any second. You wouldn’t be surprised if you did faint. Terror and revulsion were coursing through you, making you sweat with fear.

After what seemed like an eternity, you sat on the bed wearily. You could feel your mind wandering, drawing back from the situation. You were becoming numb and unfeeling, so you wouldn’t have to feel what came next. The tears began to fall, and you took a shuddering breath.

Everything in you was screaming at you to run, but you couldn’t move. Fear was so thick in your throat you thought you would choke on it. Your nerves was screaming at you, but you felt far away, so far away.

The man came closer, and though you wanted to be brave, you closed your eyes and let out a shaking breath. You began to hyperventilate, sobs wracking your body as the man stepped in and pulled the curtains closed behind him. The last thing you saw was Bucky's eyes boring into yours before the room was blocked out. Only _he_ remained.

"Strip," the man told you.

You couldn’t move. He reached down, and began to pull off one of your boots.

“Please don’t,” you whispered quietly.

He didn’t seem to hear you, but someone else did. There was a moment of silence after your words, where the boot slid from your foot. It clattered onto the floor.

That was when all hell broke loose.

The screech of metal rang out as the entire curtain pole was ripped off the wall as something slammed into the man through the curtain, and tackled him to the ground. The pole clanged as it smashed against the ground, and the curtain slid off to reveal the man's assailant.

It was Bucky.

As quick as a flash, Bucky rose to his feet. His fist was clenched, his knuckles white as he dragged the man up with him. He punched him in the face once, twice, three times with his metal arm, all the while snarling in rage. You hadn’t seen a look like that on his face, not even when he had almost killed you. This was unparalleled hatred and fury. His metal arm was so much stronger than a normal man’s, and so the man's face was a bloody pulp after a few hits. He weakly gestured for Bucky to stop, blood spilling from the corner of his mouth and his eyes a puffy and bruised mess.

It was no use, as Bucky had the madness of the Winter Soldier swimming in his eyes and the ferocity to match it. He threw the man to the ground. The concrete underneath him cracked with the sheer force of his landing. You heard snapping bone and the man screamed. Bucky drew back his leg and savagely kicked him in the side. A loud growl of rage escaped his lips as his mouth curled into a snarl, and he stomped his foot down on the guy's head. There was a loud crack, and blood sprayed the ground. You knew his head was split open.

For a moment, the sound faded out before it returned in full force. You weren't aware that you had been screaming until the man stopped moving and Bucky stood above him. He was sprayed with red and lightly panting. He wasn’t out of breath due to exertion or strain, you knew he was trying to get a handle on himself. To control himself.

He closed his eyes, taking in a shuddering breath. When he opened them again you saw that the crazed look was gone from his eyes. He took a swaying step away from the body and towards you, one foot going onto the bloodstained curtain.

"______?" he said fearfully.

He outstretched a hand to you, but then yanked it back. He retreated slightly, hands held in front of him in a placating gesture, showing he meant no harm. You could see the worry written all over his face as he examined you sadly. You knew he was scared that he had made you afraid of him, but you couldn’t move towards him to reassure him. You couldn’t move at all. You were shaking so hard you felt like you were going to break.

"Bucky," you croaked, and he was at your side in an instant, burying his face into your hair.

"I couldn't let him, ______, I couldn't," he muttered.

“Now they’ll know,” you moaned, before completely dissolving into tears. Sobs wracked your body as he stroked your hair reassuringly.

"I don't care," he whispered. “I don’t care at all.”

Shouting echoed down the corridor outside of the room. Bucky squeezed you tightly once more, and then moved away. He stepped in front of you, dropping into a protective stance once again. His shoulders hunched as he prepared for a fight.

The door burst open and men poured into the room. Quickly scanning it, their eyes soon landed upon Bucky, and you half hidden behind him. They also noted the body on the ground beside you. They moved forward, and you saw Bucky’s hands ball into fists as they surrounded you in a semi-circle formation. Drawing your knees to your chest, you attempted to hide behind Bucky even further. One of them crouched down and held two fingers to the dead man’s neck, checking for a pulse.

"He's dead," the man snapped, rising to his feet once more.

"Was it the girl?" asked a second.

The eyes turned to you. Before you could stop yourself, you let out a whimper of fear.

"Look at the state of him, the girl couldn't have done this," a third man decided.

"She's not soaked in blood," the fourth one observed.

"He is," a fifth agent said quietly, pointing at Bucky.

There was a moment of calm as they stared at him and he stared at them. Then they all seemed to move at once. Like a swarm, they converged on him and blocked him from your view. Control suddenly came back to your limbs and you scrambled off the bed. Sprinting forwards, you fell upon them with flailing fists and shrieks as you tried to pull them off him. However, you were still weak with fear and weren’t strong enough. They threw you back with ease, and it was no use.

"Bucky!" you screamed, trying to tell him to fight them off as you knew he could.

But just as you knew he'd be perfectly able to take them down, you knew he wouldn't, because he'd be afraid of what they'd do to you in return. If you were on the outside maybe it would be different, but in here with nowhere to run they would take their revenge. However, while he may have been thinking about all that, you were not.

Blinded by fear and a desperation to save your friend, you picked up the curtain pole and went to ram it into the back of the guy nearest to you. Just as you were about to swing it forward, you felt something hit your arm. It stung, and a ripple ran across your vision. You looked down to see the familiar black and orange of a tranquilizer dart.

"Oh" You said, suddenly feeling very tired.

You yanked it out of your arm, but you felt it already beginning to take effect. Someone moved in front of you, and suddenly you could see Bucky. You tried to move forward to him, but instead you found yourself slowly sliding onto the ground. Black spots swam on your vision, and though you struggled against them it was completely in vain. Your grip on the pole slackened, and it clattered to the ground beside you. Your face came to rest of the ground, still turned towards the fight.

You got to watch as a boot smashed into Bucky’s face. Blood spurted from his nose as his head lolled backwards.

"No," you pleaded as your sight dimmed.

You struggled to hold on, to stay awake, but it was futile. The last thing you saw was Bucky's limp form being dragged from the room. Everything turned dark. Your eyes closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary of Chapter 8 events:  
> The reader is taking Bucky's blood pressure when the door to the room opens and the man who brought her into the cell on the first day enters the room.  
> He tells her that his boss thinks she is purposely going slow with her work, and has instructed him to punish her so she works faster from now on. The reader thinks he means beating her up, but he means something else.  
> Bucky stands up, prepared to fight, but the reader, not wanting him to blow his cover, pushes him back down onto his chair.  
> However, Bucky loses it the moment the curtain outside the bed blocks the reader and the man from his sight, and smashes through it, knocking the man to the ground.  
> He then continually punches him with his metal fist, before dropping him to the ground, and kicking him twice, finally splitting his head open and killing him.  
> The reader's screams and all the noise draws the ateention of the Hydra agents in the corridor outside, who come in to find the man on the floor. At first they suspect it's the reader's doing, but then they realised Bucky is covered in the man's blood while the reader is clean.  
> They begin to beat him, and pull him from the room. The reader yells for him to fight them off but he won't in case she gets hurt. She tries to attack them, but is shot in the arm with a tranquilizer. She loses consciousness after Bucky is dragged from the room.


	9. Care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... Ever so slightly trigger warning as in the chapter alludes to the previous attempted rape.
> 
> Also you'll notice if reading this in January 2018 Saph starts being called Sapphire in oncoming chapters. Once more this is because this work is currently under rewrite, and I simply haven't gotten to those chapters yet. Once again apologies if the change is disconcerting, if you want to just read the work when it has been rewritten you can subscribe and I'll post a note at the start of a future chapter to say it's all finished so that you get an alert.
> 
> CHAPTER REWRITE COMPLETED: 03/01/18.

**CHAPTER NINE.**

_He is going to come back. He is going to come back. He is going to come BACK. He has to._

Maybe if you said it enough it would come true.

It had been almost a day since the incident, since Bucky had been beaten and dragged from the room. You were aware of every second that passed, and not knowing if he was okay was slowly driving you insane. Every waiting minute was agony, sheer and utter torment, and whatever you did, you couldn't distract yourself.

Screaming at the door had done no good. Your yells for Erickson, possibly the only one of your captors who had showed you any form of kindness down here went unanswered. Your throat had become raw, and eventually you had ceased to call out.

The man's body had obviously been removed from the room sometime before you had woken up. You were thankful for that at least. He had tried to violate you, and you were so very glad that he was dead, but you still didn’t want to be locked alone in a room with a corpse. Despite the body being gone no one had bothered to clean the blood up from the floor.

You filled up a plastic bucket with warm water from the bathroom, and brought out a roll of toilet paper with you. Then, you set about cleaning the stain up yourself. It was… difficult. It had mostly dried into the stone, and scraping it up was hard. You didn’t quite manage to get rid of the mark, a dark patch still covered the stone, but it no longer looked so clearly like blood. It was the best that you could manage. Your arms hurt from the effort of scrubbing, and you felt dirty all over after you had finished.

Not knowing what else to do, you headed into the bathroom and turned on the shower. The warm water fell, flooding the bathroom with steam. You began to feel for the hem of your t-shirt, to take your clothes off, but the memory of stained fingers tugging off your boots had panic and fear rise in your chest. Your legs trembled, and you shakily found the edge of the tub, sitting down on it heavily and leaning forward. Your body was hunched, hands clutching your opposite arms as you tried to stop trembling.

You weren’t sure how much time passed before it subsided. Eventually, however it did. The shower was cold by the time you were able to strip off and get into it. Goosebumps rose on your skin and you shivered, feeling just as cold on the inside as you were on the outside. The shower, albeit being freezing, did its job. You watched as copper coloured blood swirled around on the floor of the porcelain tub before disappearing down the drain.

You found yourself wishing that you could disappear too.

Eventually, you managed to summon the strength to step out of the tub. You hadn’t thought to bring clothes in with you, and the idea of having to go back into the room so exposed scared the hell out of you. You managed to scurry out of the bathroom quickly while wrapped in a towel. Grabbing some clean clothes from the box, you retreated back into the sanctuary of the bathroom, hiding behind the drawn shower curtain to change.

You had been afraid before, but not like this. This was the fear of a cornered animal. One that knows it cannot win, has no hope of winning.  

Hours passed. You threw up twice during that time, sobbing as you did. It wasn’t due to anything in the tranquilizer or the sight of the faded bloodstain, but simply because of nerves and fear. You were literally sick to the very core with worry and stress.

When they came, you were sitting on the bed. Your back was against the wall, so that no attack could come at you from behind. In your hands you were gripping one of Bucky's t-shirts so hard that your knuckles were paling. Every so often, you would bring it to your nose and inhale the familiar scent that clung to it.

It smelled like him and that somewhat comforted you, keeping the tremours at bay.  
Your head snapped upwards as you heard someone at the door. The fear was overcome by concern. Feet hitting the ground clumsily, you bolted off the bed, rushing forward in case it was Bucky.

It wasn't.

The door slammed open with a bang, stopping you dead in your tracks. Ivanov, the man in the suit, the leader, strode in. His handsome face was twisted in rage. He didn't have his guards with him, but looking at him now he didn't think he needed them. You began to backtrack quickly.

He had given that man permission to do what he attempted to do. This man was capable of anything. You had never hated and feared someone so much. He held your life in his palm. He could crush it with a twitch of his fingers, and that was no exaggeration.

He moved quicker than anticipated, and stormed across the room until he was right infront of you. You shrank back, wanting to run but not wanting to enrage him even more. He towered over you, and you realized how tall he really was.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!?" he roared.

Spittle few from his mouth, landing on your cheek. You resisted the urge to wipe it away, as disgusting as it felt.

"Nothing," you managed to say resolutely, standing your ground as well as he could.

Your hands clenched into fists down by your side, so that he couldn’t see your trembling.

"Don't give me that shit, you little whore! What. Did. You. DO!?" He hissed, face mere inches from yours.

"Nothing!" You repeated.

Without warning his hand shot out, and cracked sharply across your face. Your head snapped to the side at the force of the blow and you felt your left cheek stinging. Tears rose to your eyes but you fought them back. You had be strong here. This man would exploit any weakness shown.

Your mind worked quickly, generating a tale that he may find somewhat believable. Something that may stop him from coming at you again.

"Look," you began angrily, raising your hand to touch your flaming face tenderly, "the guy you sent in was making a lot of noise. Not surprising, seeing as you were going to let him… let him… Anyhow. I think it pissed Bu- the Winter Soldier off ,and he attacked him. You trained him to be a mindless assassin, of course he's going to get violent when he loses his temper. What did you expect when you created a murdering machine?"

Calling Bucky a ‘murdering machine’ made guilt flood through you, but you had to say it.

Ivanov stepped back, running heated eyes over you. You stood your ground, biting your lip in anger. He glanced away, seeming to consider your words. When he spoke again, he was not raging as he had been before. "He won't say anything even though we have him under interrogation"

Your blood ran cold at that.

"Not a word. But if you're lying to me..." He trailed off and didn’t finish, face impassive as stone once more.

He didn’t have to. You could see the meaning in his eyes. His silent words chilled you more than if he had spoken them.

"I'm not," you lied, refusing to break eye contact.

Your nails bit into the skin of your tensed fists. You could feel dribbles of blood coming from your hands. Still, you did not react.

"For your sake, I hope you're not," he said.

He shot you a look that reeked of disdain before turning on his heel and walking to the door.  
He opened it, then paused and looked back at you over his shoulder; "And you need to hurry up your work. I'm beginning to think that you're a waste of time. As seen earlier, as soft as Erickson may be, he cannot save you from me."

With that, he was gone, and the door was firmly closed to you.

"Bastard," you muttered under your breath, storming into the bathroom to examine your face. You could see the imprint of his fingers on your raised and tender skin. "Dickhead," you spat again.

Just then, without warning, the door to your room was yanked open again. Skittering to the bathroom door, you prepared to slam it if you saw someone coming for you. Instead what greeted your eyes had you crying out and rushing forward.

Two men appeared. They were dragging a limp Bucky between them.

Not even pausing to look around, they flung him on the ground with no care at all. His body made a sickening thud as he slammed into the floor head-first, and he let out a low cry. The men left without a backward glance, the door slamming shut just as you reached the injured man.

You dropped to the ground beside him, frantically grabbing at him. He was face down on the hard concrete floor, and unmoving, so you couldn't get a proper look in order to see how bad the damage was. You managed to get your hands underneath him and used all your strength to roll him over onto his back.

"Oh God," you choked as horror washed through you.

His face was beaten and bloody, almost unrecognisable. His hair was matted and damp with his own blood. One of his eyes seemed swollen shut, and you knew that even if he was conscious he wouldn't have been able to open it. You hadn't seen anything as bad as this in your entire life, counting your career at SHIELD.

He didn't have a shirt on, and you could see the rest of his wounds. His back seemed alright except for a few minor cuts and bruises, but his chest was almost as bad as his face. Deep, jagged cuts ran along his chest, and they were weeping crimson.

You knew you had to act fast. They probably wouldn’t let him die, but you simply couldn’t take that risk. You knew that you couldn't leave him on this dirty floor, or the cuts might get infected. However you also knew that without him to help you in some way you wouldn't be able to get him anywhere. He was too heavy, and he was in no position to be able to move himself.

This was so much worse than all those times he'd returned to you after they'd attempted to wipe his memories again. This was disgusting, brutal, and heart-breaking. And this time you were completely on your own, completely responsible for his life.

"Hang in there, Buck. Okay?" You whispered to him.

Avoiding any injuries, you leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head, before carefully placing it back on the ground.

You ran over to your bed, as it was nearest, and ripped the mattress off the bed-frame. Stumbling in your haste, you dragged it across the ground and positioned it so it was directly beside Bucky. You returned to his side, and gripping his arm and shoulder you used all your strength and managed to roll him up onto the mattress and get him onto his back once again. You put your pillow under his head and quickly returned back to his bed and stripped the duvet off it. You draped it over his legs and waist (as he was already laying on the duvet on your bed) and then you raced into the bathroom. You grabbed as many towels as you could, wet them, and then returned to his side.

You kneeled on the mattress beside him, hovering over him, and began to dab at and clean the many cuts along his body, talking to him soothingly as you did. He began to stir after around fifteen minutes, moaning in pain, and you realised that he was close to waking.  
Knowing he'd be in agony if he did, your eyes scoured the room for a solution. They landed on the tranquilizer dart that you had pulled out of your arm, and you ran over to it and grabbed it. What was in it hadn't seemed to have any ill side effects upon, and you were desperate right now. It would have to do.

You moved quickly over to your lab equipment and stuck a needle into the leathery material of the actual sack part of the dart. Luckily there was a decent amount of the liquid left, and you injected some it into Bucky, still murmuring to him softly.

He relaxed a few seconds later, and you heard his slightly uneven snores as he fell asleep again. Praying that you'd done the right thing, you continued to clean the cuts on his body. You had to return to the bathroom to rinse the towels many times, and after you were done wiping away the blood and cleaning the cuts with water you got the first aid box and went at them with the anti-septic wipes. By the time you had finished, having done all you could do your back was aching with strain and exertion.

Physically, you were exhausted. Mentally, you were furious.

You strode to the door and hammered on it until someone answered. Much to your surprise, it was a young woman who opened it, not much younger than you. And you knew her.

"Saph?" You gasped.

"_______," She responded coolly, but you could see something flicker at the back of her eyes.

"What are you doing here!? Did they capture you too!? Are you okay!?" You moved forward to touch her but she stepped back.

That was when you saw it. The red symbol of Hydra stamped over the left breast pocket of her black uniform. You froze in shock, staring at it, before dragging your eyes up to her.

"You?" You asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.

She looked away, though her eyes were twinkling proudly, and nodded. The betrayal stung like a thousand sharp knives, piercing your chest. The tears rose back to your eyes.

" _You_ turned me in!?" You practically screamed at the girl who'd once been your friend.

"Yes, ______, I did," she told you with a slight grimace. “I’d do it again.”

"I thought we were friends," you spat as hatred burned through you.

"We were, but my first duty is, as it always has been. To Hydra."

"You bitch!" You lunged forward to hit her, but rage made you strike out blindly and obviously, and she stopped your blow with ease.

"Enough with the name calling, ______. What has you hammering on the door and yelling loud enough to wake the dead?"

You were shaking with anger, but it was soon dimmed slightly as you remembered Bucky's plight. You took a deep breath, reigning your fury back. That was all that mattered right now. Bucky. You'd deal with Saph later.

"I need anti-septic wipes, painkillers, and something to stitch up wounds with. Right now," you ordered curtly, lips twisting into a sneer.

She took in your blood drenched clothes, pale-faced appearance, and shot you a poisonous look.

"And why should I listen to the prisoner?" She growled.

"I am so done with this shit," you snarled, stepping forward.

The two guards behind her stiffened, tightening their hold on their weapons. You glared at them, but didn’t move back. Saph actually began to look slightly afraid, and edged back as you jabbed a bloodstained finger at her face.

"If you do not do what I say then I'll have great pleasure telling your boss that the Winter Soldier will be out of action for months because you did not do what you were supposed to do." Your tone was low and dangerous. "That's why you're standing outside this door, isn't it? They want _me_ to patch him up, but _you_ are here to get me what I need. So hop to it."

You shoved her away, and she moved back angrily like she was going to attack you. You actually wanted her to. Your blood was boiling as it never had before and all you wanted to do was wring the necks of every HYDRA agent who'd ever hurt your soldier, but especially Saph, for she had betrayed you as well. Despite your hate of her now, it still stung deep inside you.

"Fine," she grumbled, visibly deflating. "But you have to get back into the room."

You managed to force your legs to move back, even though your entire body was trembling with the desire to punch her square in the face. You refrained however, as it would not help Bucky.

“Get me Erickson as well,” you spat, before the door closed in your face.

Your gaze burned into the wood, breathing deeply for a few seconds to gain control of yourself again. Once you felt calmer, you turned back to Bucky, who still lay unmoving on the mattress. You sat down beside him shakily and picked up his hand in yours. It was so cold. You rubbed it between your warm ones before putting it down and fixing the duvet, inching it a bit higher on his body.

Wet towels were draped over his chest, various patches of red splotched on almost every one of them. You returned to the bathroom and took a wet hand-towel from the sink. You began to clean his face once again, talking as you did. You knew he couldn’t hear, but you talked to him all the same.

"I promise, Bucky, I'll get you out of this. I promise that I'll never let them do this to you again. Just hang in there. I'm gonna take care of you, and it'll all be okay." You didn't realize that you were crying until you felt the teardrops drip onto your arm. "You'll see, Buck. I'll get you back to Steve. He once told me something that you and him used to say to each other. 'I'm with you 'til the end of the line,' isn't that right? Did I get that right? Because it's true for you and me as well. I promised you that I wouldn't leave, and you promised me that you wouldn't leave, so you can't go... Bucky, I'll break if you go...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. Sorry if your name is Saph(ire)! I just had to think of a name, and I tried to go for something slightly unusual (I'm not saying that in a bad way, Sapphire is a gorgeous name, and I wouldn't have picked it if I didn't think so)!
> 
> Also thank you thank you thank you to all of you who have left kudos, commented, bookmarked, or subscribed to the series! It means the world to me! <3


	10. Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ""Doesn't mean I'll let Hydra scum anywhere near him after what the rest of you did to him. And especially you, you're the worst of all. A pathetic little traitor" You hissed.  
> She rolled her eyes; "Seriously, you're calling me pathetic when you're crying over the Winter Soldier"  
> You snapped.  
> Your foot slammed into her stomach, and she fell back against the table.  
> She looked at you, wide eyed, real fear on her face this time.  
> "His name is Bucky" You snarled, and moved forward again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos, comments, bookmarks, and subscriptions. It means the world, you lovely people!!! :D

You broke off as the door was opened and Sapphire walked in with an armful of stuff. When she saw your tear stained face she smirked at you, and you felt your fists clench as you rose to meet her.  
"Here" She said in a bored tone, placing it all on the front desk.  
"Thanks" You walked quickly across and took some of it over to him.  
You turned your back to her, expecting her to leave. You were surprised to hear her take a few more hesitant steps into the room.  
"Do you... Do you know how to stitch a wound?" She asked hesitantly, her snobby demeanor apparently gone.  
"No" You replied diligently, steadying yourself over Bucky, "But I can try"  
You heard her sigh, and then you leapt in alarm as her hand brushed your shoulder. You shoved her away, and she staggered back a few paces.  
"Jeez!" She looked at you angrily, "I was only gonna say that I could do it. I know how to stitch wounds"  
You drew yourself up to your full height and glared at her. You were roughly around the same height.  
"What makes you think that I'd let you go anywhere near him!?" You demanded.  
"Well... You want him to heal properly, don't you?" She folded her arms.  
"Doesn't mean I'll let Hydra scum anywhere near him after what the rest of you did to him. And especially you, you're the worst of all. A pathetic little traitor" You hissed.  
She rolled her eyes; "Seriously, you're calling me pathetic when you're crying over the Winter Soldier"  
You snapped.  
Your foot slammed into her stomach, and she fell back against the table.  
She looked at you, wide eyed, real fear on her face this time.  
"His name is Bucky" You snarled, and moved forward again.  
Her fist swung at your head, but you ducked under the blow and grabbed her arm as it shot past you. Using a move you leaned from Natasha you used her own arm and momentum against her and threw her over your shoulder. She slammed into the ground with a loud thud, and let out a cry of pain.  
She rolled away as your foot shot out again to kick her in the head. She continued rolling away until she was far enough to leap to her feet.  
"Okay, stop" She said, panting.  
"Why should I?" You stalked forward.  
"Because he needs stitches, and I can do them properly, and probably better than you can, seeing as you've never done them before" She reasoned.  
"Why are you trying to help me!?" You screamed at her.  
Right then you saw a look of guilt creep across her face, just as she turned her head away from you. Was she... Ashamed?  
When she finally spoke, it was quietly and quickly;  
"My duty is to Hydra. It always has been, from the time I was born, every SHIELD agent in my family follows the path. "Heil Hydra" is what I grew up saying. I turned you in so we could come out on top because I knew that if anyone could figure out the formula, it's you. I said I'd do it again, and I meant it, I have to help my family; Hydra is my family. But I honestly did like you, ______. I regarded you as a friend. I know that that doesn't mean a thing to you anymore, and I can't blame you. I'd say if I was in your position I'd probably feel the same. But I am sorry for the hurt I've caused you. So I'll do this one thing for you. For the friendship that we used to share"  
You thought it over for a few seconds, before guardedly handing her the equipment.  
"You better not be trying to trick me" You breathed, low and threatening, into her ear.  
She didn't answer, just knelt down and began to work on Bucky's wounds while you hovered over her shoulder. Your eyes never left her as she moved around.  
After around twenty minutes she spoke again.  
"I really don't know why you decided not to be a field agent. You're one hell of a fighter"  
"You know why. I wasn't comfortable with the pressure, it made me screw up" You brushed off her compliment.  
"You don't know that for sure" She argued, "It's not like you ever went out into the field and tested it"  
"I know myself, and it's enough" You said with a finality that told her you didn't want to discuss it anymore.  
She worked quietly for another while, you had no idea how long it was actually for seeing as you wouldn't even look away from her long enough to check the clock.  
"There. Done" She announced after awhile, stepping away.  
You moved forward and inspected her work.  
"Thanks" You said grudgingly as your eye ran critically over Bucky's chest.  
It was neatly stitched, the best you'd seen. You knew that it was far better than anything you could have done.  
"I'm stationed outside from twelve until three for the next few few" She said awkwardly, rolling on the balls of her feet with her hands in her pockets, "If you need anything, just shout"  
"Will do" You nodded, and she left the room.  
You sat down beside Bucky, and ran your fingers through your tangled hair. He stirred slightly beside you, and you brushed a lock of hair from his eyes, sighing exhaustedly.  
He was going to wake up soon. With slightly shaking hands you opened the bottle of painkillers and shook one into your hand. He was going to need some water so you got him some of that too.  
You were standing at the minifridge, pouring him a glass of water from the bottle when you heard him.  
"_______?" He gasped weakly, and then a fit of coughing wracked his body.  
You hurried back to him as quick as you could without spilling the drink.  
"I'm here" You said, dropping down beside him and pulling his head onto your lap.  
"Drink" You instructed, holding the water to his lips.  
You tilted it into his mouth so a bearable stream of water trickled in.  
He weakly motioned that he had had enough, so you put the cup down.  
"Gotta sleep" He muttered.  
"You can sleep after you take this painkiller" You told him, pulling his chin down so his mouth opened.  
You put the painkiller in his mouth and picked up the cup again.  
"It'll help you swallow it" You told him.  
He obeyed once again, and then told you he wanted to sleep again. You weren't going to stop him, so you lay him down and watched as he closed his eyes and drifted off into slumber.  
You began to feel a bit tired too. You looked up at his bed, with it's mattress still intact, but there were no sheets on it. You didn't really want to be cold, and you wanted to be near Bucky, so there was only one option.  
You grabbed his pillow off his bed, and slid under the sheets next to him. You turned on your side to face him, and got comfortable. His body was giving off heat like a furnace, and you moved closer.  
You bit your lip for a few seconds, debating your next action. To hell with it, you decided. You draped one of your arms around his flat, muscular stomach, and scooted even closer to him, resting your head against his uninjured shoulder. You looked up at his face to see if there was any sign of pain.  
If there had been you would have moved away in an instant. There was none. You stayed where you were.  
You thought that even through your exhaustion your wandering thoughts may keep you awake, but that was not the case.  
Within a few minutes your lids began to feel heavy and you drifted off into a deep sleep.

* * *

You only got a few hours sleep before he woke you up with his thrashing and moaning. You gave him more painkillers and he fell asleep again.  
The next day was the same.  
Look after Bucky. Bring him to the bathroom and give him water when he needed it. Talk to him. Treat his wounds and examine his condition.  
Try not to punch Sapphire in the face.  
You collapsed beside him the second night, once again completely and utterly drained. You had even gone as far to take one of his painkillers, as your sleep deprived head hurt so badly.  
You moved closer beside him, and soon fell fast asleep.

* * *

He awoke before you.  
For a second he didn't remember what had happened, and why his body felt so sore when he tried to move. Then memories fluttered through his head, and it all came back to him.  
He let out a low groan as he attempted to sit up. His chest flared with pain and he slumped back down, defeated. He stared up at the ceiling for a few minutes, breathing heavily and trying to figure out what to do.  
It was in that moment that Bucky suddenly became aware of something warm on his waist, and on his side.  
He looked down, and froze.  
You had curled up into him, one arm thrown around his body pulling him further against you. He could feel the slow movements of your chest as you inhaled and exhaled. Your hair was held in place back behind your ear, allowing him an unobstructed view of your face.  
He thought about waking you up and asking for another painkiller, but decided not to. He could wait, you needed the rest. You looked worn out. He had vague memories of you looking after him during his infrequent moments of consciousness yesterday.  
A small smile twisted his cut lips upwards. You really were something.  
You shifted in your sleep and burrowed your head further into him. It didn't hurt.  
Slowly, he lifted his metal arm and brought it across to lightly stroke the side of your face.  
You shifted slightly at his touch, and then your mouth opened.  
"Bucky" You muttered, and his heart swelled inside his chest.  
He leaned forward, and pressed a soft kiss against your forehead. Then he turned so he was also on his side, facing you. He rested his forehead against yours, and stared at your closed eyes.  
Happy, in spite of everything, he waited for you to wake up.


	11. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Experimentally, he draped an arm around your waist. He didn't even realise that it was the metal one until you shivered slightly as it brushed against your skin.  
> "Sorry" He muttered, frantically trying to pull it back.  
> However, your hand stopped it, closing over it and locking your warm fingers around his metal ones.  
> "It's fine" You whispered as his breath caught in his throat at your acceptance.  
> "You're not... Disgusted by it?" He asked, voice low."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy do?  
> I'm risking my neck uploading this right now. I'm currently sitting in my school study hall trying frantically to upload this on my phone from behind my pencilcase while the study supervisor lurks around the room.  
> I'm doing it now because I'm probably gonna be studying for the rest of the evening, and won't get a chance later.
> 
> Thank you so much to my lovely commenters, you make my day! 
> 
> I'm glad I get to upload this particular chapter in the celebration of 100 kudos! My jaw actually dropped when I saw the number. I can't believe all of you who have taken the time to read and like this story, I honestly didn't expect all that much when I first started out! 
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter, it's very fluffy! I figured we could use a bit of a break from all the doom and gloom, eh?  
> I'll just warn you though...   
> ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN!!! ;)

You opened your eyes, and found yourself staring straight into Bucky's blue ones.  
"Hey" He said quietly.  
"Hey" You murmured.  
You looked down and realized that your body was pressed up against his, and your arms were around each other.  
"Are you okay!?" You gasped as your mind suddenly registered the past few day's events.  
"A lot better, thank you. I could maybe do with a painkiller, though" He smiled, even though he looked kinda strained.  
You rolled over and grabbed the bottle of tablets and the glass of water from the floor. You wrapped your arm around him and helped him up, as he still seemed pretty weak. After he swallowed it he lay back down, exhaling loudly.  
You went to move away, to get out of the makeshift bed, but his hand shot out and stopped you.  
"No" He said, a plaintive note in his voice, "Could you stay..?"  
You nodded, and lay back down beside him on your side, propping your head up on your arm. He lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling.  
"Can I see?" You asked, motioning to the thin sheet that covered his chest.  
"Sure" He grunted, and you slowly pulled the sheet off him.  
The cuts looked better. They seemed to be scabbing over, and Sapphire's stitches had done a good deal in helping, even though you were loathe to admit it.  
"Do you heal quickly?" You let the sheet drop back over him.  
"I don't really remember" He went to shrug, but winced as the movement caused him pain.  
"Well you seem to be healing remarkably well, so I'd say whatever they did to you speeds up your body's natural healing process" You said with a slight frown.  
"Isn't that a good thing?" He pointed out, noticing your expression.  
"Yeah-" You began, but you cut off when he began to wheeze.  
"Okay, maybe it would be best if we just lay here in silence for a while, you're definitely nowhere near up to full strength" You laid a calming hand on an uninjured part of his chest.  
His skin was hot against your hand, and you both looked at it. You met his eyes embarrassedly, and then you both blushed a little and turned away.  
"Sounds good to me" He joked after a few minutes.  
The loss of that intimate contact had left a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach, so you only nodded and snuggled into your pillow even more. After a few minutes, you became uncomfortable. You twisted around so you now had your back to Bucky and sighed.

* * *

Bucky bit his lip, looking at your form. Should he..?  
He wanted to, there was no denying it. It had been... A very long time since he'd cuddled with a pretty girl, and you weren't just some "pretty girl" to him. He was nervous.   
Would you be repulsed?   
He had just killed someone infront of you the other day... And judging by how beat up he felt he knew he wasn't exactly the nicest thing to look at right now...  
But he wanted it. He needed the contact with you, now more than ever.  
He was scared, and he was hurt, and he wanted comfort from the only person in the world who was capable in making him feel better.  
He moved closer, ignoring the pain that shot through his body until his chest was pressed against your back. Being close to you would be worth the discomfort.  
Experimentally, he draped an arm around your waist. He didn't even realise that it was the metal one until you shivered slightly as it brushed against your skin.  
"Sorry" He muttered, frantically trying to pull it back.  
However, your hand stopped it, closing over it and locking your warm fingers around his metal ones.  
"It's fine" You whispered as his breath caught in his throat at your acceptance.  
"You're not... Disgusted by it?" He asked, voice low.  
You shifted so now you faced him. You stared up into his eyes, chest brushing against his as you both breathed.   
This was different to when you were asleep. You were both wide awake in this moment, perfectly in control of your actions.  
The air seemed to spark with the electricity between you two. The tension flowed around Bucky, making it's way through his veins and causing his heart to pound.  
"No. It's part of you, Bucky" You said simply.  
Then you lifted his metal hand, bringing it to your mouth. You pressed a light kiss onto the cold, solid knuckles. His breath caught in his throat.

* * *

You had trouble breathing as Bucky's eyes went soft as they looked at you. Beat up as he was, he was still the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen.  
You lowered his hand quietly, not knowing what on earth had given you the sudden courage to do what you had just done.  
He raised his metal arm and twirled a strand of your hair around his finger, eyes never leaving your face. His hand let go of your hair, and fell to your shoulder.  
Gently, he pushed you so you were lying back on the bed. He moved onto his forearm, hovering over you.  
His eyes trailed from yours, down to your lips, and then back up. When they met yours again, they held a question.  
You stared back at him, letting your expression answer him. Both your hands slid up to touch his neck with your fingertips lightly.  
He slowly leaned down, until his nose brushed yours.  
You could feel his sweet smelling breath on your face as his lips neared yours.  
Your eyes closed to savour the moment, opening your mouth ever so slightly.  
Just then someone hammered on the door, and you heard Sapphire's voice.  
"______! I need to check his stitches!"  
Bucky leapt away from you like a teenage boy caught by his parents in bed with his girlfriend. Sudden movements were probably not the best idea considering his condition.  
He let out a cry of pain as some of the stitches broke open, and you immediately moved forward to help him.  
The door opened, and Sapphire came striding in. She rushed over to the mattress and dropped to her knees beside Bucky, applying pressure to the wounds.  
"Who's she!?" He growled through gritted teeth, trying to fend her off with one hand, the other clamped to one of his wounds.  
"Please, just let her help you!" You yelped, grabbing at his hand and pinning it to the mattress.  
His eyes locked with yours again and through the pain in them you could swear that you saw a hint of desire.  
Sapphire, meanwhile, was babbling on, completely oblivious.  
"Wow, you managed to break like 12 of these. It's a good thing I came in when I did, eh?"  
You bit back a hysterical laugh, abruptly letting go of Bucky's hand to rub the back of your neck.  
She really had no idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there are mistakes, but I am uploading it from a mobile phone in school after all!
> 
> If any of you are looking for a good writing app for android phones I recommend Fast Notepad.   
> It's what I use to write Winter's Thaw!
> 
> As for the chapter above... Sorry! I'm a bad person to tease you all like that!


	12. Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {Your hand gripped his back, clawing into it tightly as tears leaked from your eyes.  
> You savoured the moment for a few seconds, collecting yourself. You leaned back to look and him and pulled his head down, pressing a kiss to his forehead.  
> You drew back and looked at him through swimming eyes.  
> "I need you to break your promise" You whispered, "I need you to leave me"}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how I said there was only a few chapters before the storm breaks? Well, it's breaking, and things are gonna get SERIOUS!
> 
> Thank you all for being such wonderful people, looking at those comments really do brighten my current rather dull, exam filled existence!

The next few days were spent the same; looking after Bucky, but with the slight difference that he was more capable each day of looking after himself.  
By the fifth day he almost looked the same, most of the bruises had faded and cuts had healed. You wondered if they'd left scars, but you were too embarrassed to check his chest and see.   
What had happened- almost happened -between the two of you still hung heavy and unspoken in the air around you. You tried to convince yourself that it was purely because both your emotions had been running high that day, but the jolt you still got whenever his skin touched yours, even by accident, contradicted your thoughts.  
But while Bucky was getting better, you had been hatching a plan. You had promised yourself that you'd never let them hurt him again, and you had no intention on going back on your word.  
It was risky, and there was a more than half chance that it wouldn't work. You had spent hours in the dead of night drawing diagrams in your notebook and planning out how you would do it while Bucky was sleeping.  
He knew nothing about it, even though it was hard you kept it to yourself. The danger to your person was huge, and you knew he'd never let you go through with it. Still, it was hard keeping things from the man you had told nearly everything to for the past five or six weeks.  
You only had a few days before you wouldn't be able to act on your plan, but you waited until the last moment. The only reason for this was so that Bucky would be well enough to run when you told him to, even if you couldn't follow.  
The day finally came, and with it, the sense of foreboding in your stomach grew.

* * *

"Buck?" You said softly, trying to keep your voice steady.  
He immediately looked up at you from his position on the sofa, sensing something was wrong.  
You were standing in the middle of the room, wringing your hands together to try hide their shaking.  
"______?" He asked, getting to his feet and approaching you.  
Your throat throbbed as you realised that this might be the last time you looked into the brilliant blue eyes you adored so much. Your eyes filled with tears and his face twisted in confusion.  
"______? What's wrong?" He said frantically, pulling you into his arms.  
Your hand gripped his back, clawing into it tightly as tears leaked from your eyes.  
You savoured the moment for a few seconds, collecting yourself. You leaned back to look and him and pulled his head down, pressing a kiss to his forehead.  
You drew back and looked at him through swimming eyes.  
"I need you to break your promise" You whispered, "I need you to leave me"  
"What are you-?" He began, but cut off with a gasp and you pressed the needle into his back and injected the leftover tranquilizer into his blood.  
His legs buckled, and you helped him to the ground.  
"What?" He gasped, looking at you with boggled eyes.  
He was slipping into unconsciousness, but he still had time to hear one more thing. Quickly, you bent so your lips were at his ear.  
"In twenty minutes you'll wake up. I'll have opened all the doors for you. Get out of here"  
His eyes rolled upwards, and he fell asleep.  
You wiped a shaking hand across your brow, and breathed slowly to calm yourself.  
Then you got to your feet, and made your way to the door. Sapphire would be on duty now, like she always was at this time.  
The enormity of what you were about to do was a weight on your shoulders, but your resolve was steel as you looked back at Bucky. Whatever happened, you would open the doors for him to escape.  
You closed your eyes, took another breath, and then snapped a terrified expression over your face.  
"Sapphire!" You cried, hammering on the door, "The Winter Soldier's collapsed!"  
There was the sound of a cup shattering on the ground, and the bolt being slid back. She burst into the room and you moved.  
Your foot shot out as she ran past, and she tripped. She sprawled onto the ground and you leapt on top of her, pinning her and clamping a hand around her mouth.   
She bucked, trying to throw you off, but you grimly held on and pinched your hand around her nose as well, cutting off her air altogether. Her body began to thrash, and after a few seconds you let go of her nose so she could breathe through it again.  
You ripped the gun from her holster with one hand, clicked off the safety, and held it to her head.  
"A silencer" You grinned, admiring the weapon, "How convenient"  
You took a pocket knife from her belt, and sent it skidding across the ground near Bucky. At least he could have a weapon now to help him escape.  
She suddenly jerked up, trying to throw you off. You ignored the tiny bit of guilt that washed through you, and smashed her head into the ground, dazing her.  
You gagged her with a handtowel and tied a few cables you'd ripped off the lab equipment around her arms, pinning her with your knees all the while.  
Eventually you were done. You stood up and yanked her roughly to her feet. You proceeded to take her comms system, putting the earpiece in your own ear. You searched pockets quickly and found a duty rota, along with a map of the facility.  
"Well it looks like I have no use for you now" You told her as you examined the map, and she stared at you with wide, terrified eyes.  
"Calm down. I'm not going to kill you" You laughed, and a bit of the fear in her eyes subsided.  
That was when you slammed the butt of the gun into her head, and her legs crumpled.  
You dragged her into the bathroom, and put her in the bathtub, wrapping another cable around her legs so she couldn't get up and go for help when she woke.  
You picked up the comms unit and fiddled with it. It beeped, and projected a holographic 3D image of the buildings lay out infront of you. Now you had two maps. Great.  
You left the paper one beside Bucky, briefly pausing to push some hair out of his eyes. You straightened up, and adjusted your clothing.  
Get to the control room. Open all the doors to the outside world so Bucky can get out.   
That was the plan.  
You held the gun out infront of you as Natasha had taught you so long ago when you first joined SHIELD.  
'Wish me luck, Nat' You thought as you carefully made your way out of the room, closing the door but only pulling the bolt over slightly, so it had the appearance of being locked.   
Looking at all sides, and putting one foot towards the other, you blocked out the rambling of the Hydra agents over the radio, and began to make your way towards the control room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun DUUUUN!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! :) 
> 
> Please leave comments! I love feedback! <3


	13. Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {"Nat?" You asked quietly as you picked the gun up of the floor.  
> "_____?" She responded, and you could hear the panic in her tone as she realised there was something you weren't telling her.  
> "Take care of him. Please, just care of him"}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> First thing's first: I had originally thought that this story would wrap up at around the 25 chapter mark. However, I just started writing Chapter 20 and I don't think that's gonna be the case anymore; WT is likely to finish at around 30/35 chapters. (Don't hold me to that though, I'm terrible at estimating!)
> 
> Second thing (and I swear I'm not self-advertising here): I just figured out the other day that AO3 doesn't have a messaging service for us all to send private messages, like FanFiction.net and Quizilla do. This sucks to me personally, as I really enjoy talking to people with the same interests as me.  
> So if anyone wants to have a chat, send me a message on Tumblr. My Tumblr is "rennered-me-speechless" (it used to be 'thegalagaplayingshieldagent' but then I changed it)
> 
> Third & and final thing (and this is just a funny anecdote): The other day I was bored on the bus, so I typed "Winter's Thaw" into Google. Turns out there actually IS a book called "Winter's Thaw"  
> It also turns out that it's an erotic novel.  
> I laughed for hours.

The corridors were damp, and dimly lit with lights that constantly flickered on and off, so you were provided with plenty of places to duck out of sight whenever anyone came your way. A thin layer of water splashed under your boots as you walked, but no one seemed to hear you and figure out that you'd escaped.  
Thank God.  
The holographic map made it easy to find the control room, but as you got closer to it, more people passed. When you stood in the shadows across from your destination you felt your heart plummet.  
There were just too many people. It was like Grand Central Station.  
You waited, and after a few minutes most of them left, save five people. You knew what you had to do, and you hated it.  
Steadying yourself and praying to whatever god was up there for forgiveness, you shot them all with a speed and precision that would have made Clint proud. Your stomach roiled, and you turned and got sick on the ground.  
You had never killed anyone before this.  
You rushed forward and grabbed the bodies, dragging them into the shadows. Then you stood up straight, and slipped into the control room.  
There was one guy sitting on a chair in the centre of all the systems, but a sudden blow to his head with the butt of your gun put him out of action before he could even figure out that you were there.  
You stood over the various computers and machinery and bit your lip in confusion. As well as not being a field agent, you weren't a hacker. Every SHIELD recruit was thought the very basics, but you had never followed your studies in the subject beyond that. Looking back, you really wished you had.  
You surveyed the equipment, before closing your eyes and recalling everything you knew about communication systems. Then you returned to the door to bar it with a pipe that was lying discarded at the corner of the room. You returned to infront of the screens, pushed the unconscious guy off his chair, and sat down to get started.

* * *

Bucky jerked upright as he awoke. He immediately remembered everything; Your tears, the needle, and your instructions.  
Looking to his side he saw a knife and a map. He picked them up and looked closely at the map. It was one of the base that you both were in, and on it a clearly marked way to the surface.  
"Get out of here" Your words echoed around and around in his head.  
But he knew he couldn't leave.  
He could never leave without you.  
A muffled noise was coming from the bathroom. He stood up stiffly as went to investigate. Opening the door, he peered into the room.  
The girl who had checked his wounds a few days ago was lying in the bath, gagged and bound. He walked closer to her and as he drew nearer he saw an ugly bruise on her forehead. She went still when she saw him, and looked at him with wide, terrified eyes.  
He knelt infront of her, and lifted his fingers to the gag. He stopped before he touched it, and glared at her.  
"If you make a sound, I'll kill you" He warned.  
Then he untied the cloth that was stopping her from speaking, but held it near her face in preparation to stuff it back in if she began to call for help.  
She stayed quiet though, and he was the first one to talk.  
"______. Where is she?" He growled.  
"How am I meant to know?" She snapped, "Your little bitch of a girlfriend knocked me unconscious, tied me up, and dumped me in here"  
"Did she say anything about where she was going?" He asked.  
"No. She just took my fucking comms unit and map and said that since she had it she didn't need me anymore" She started to thrash, "Could you just get me out of here!?"  
Bucky ignored her and thought for a minute. Suddenly, his gaze widened and he looked back down at the girl.  
"She said she'd have all the doors open for me to get out. What does that mean?"  
The girl froze, surprise on her features. She bit her lip and looked away, staying silent.  
"You know" Bucky hissed, leaning forward, "Where has she gone?"  
The girl shook her head and stared into the corner of the room.  
"Tell me where she's gone and I won't kill you in the most painful way I can think of" Bucky threatened in a low, dangerous voice.  
"The control room" She blurted, and then cut off, looking mortified with herself.  
Bucky picked up the map and held it out to her.  
"That's it here, isn't it?" He pointed to the large green dot.  
The girl didn't respond, but the look on her face was answer enough.  
Bucky grabbed her chin and wrenched her mouth open, stuffing the gag back in. She made muffled noises of protest, which he ignored.  
"Shut up" He told her as he closed the bathroom door and walked to the one to the corridor outside.  
He paused at it, and then gently laid a hand on it. He applied a small amount of pressure, and the door swung open. It had been left unlocked. Bucky looked at the map, and set off swiftly in the direction of the control room.

* * *

"Natasha?"  
"Christ, ______? Where are you? You've been missing for around two months! I came back from Europe to look for you and Steve and Sam cut their search for the Winter Soldier short to come back as well. Clint's here too. Everyone's worried sick and-"  
"Natasha I need your help" You stopped her as you stared into the speaker that her voice was coming from, "I'm in an underground Hydra base, I don't know where. I managed to get into their control room but I need to open all the doors to the outside world. I don't know how to do it. Can you help?"  
"Of course!" She said worriedly, "But first do this" She then proceeded to rattle off a long chain of commands which you followed.  
"There" You announced as you keyed in the final code, "What does that do?"  
"That," She said, "Sends me your location"  
"Where am I?"  
"Siberia. I'm going to come get you"  
"Work on that later. First I need you to tell me how to open all the steel doors to the outside world"  
Natasha gave you clear, concise instructions to what you needed to do, which you were able to follow quickly, and with ease. You heard a distant clang from outside, and watched on the various monitors as all of the other metal doors in the facility flew open.  
Then there was movement on the camera on the top left corner of the screens.  
You watched Bucky step out into the corridor and breathed a sigh of relief when you saw he'd obviously woken up on time. You had calculated the dose of tranquilizer perfectly.  
"Go on, Bucky, get outta here" You muttered to yourself, staring at him earnestly.  
He glanced around for a few seconds, looked down at the map in his hands, and then turned to the right.  
"No no no!" You cried in disbelief.  
"______, what's wrong!?" Natasha asked in alarm.  
"He's going the wrong way!" You practically yelled.  
"Who!?"  
"Bucky!"  
There was a slight pause; "Do you mean the Winter Soldier?"  
"He's not the Winter Soldier anymore" You replied distractedly.  
"______, is he in that base with you?"  
"Yes!" You almost shouted, "And I need him to get out like I told him!"  
Bucky continued down the corridor, and unlike you he didn't stick to the shadows. He was running, taking out Hydra operatives as he passed them. Suddenly, one of them managed to twist out of Bucky's grip and smacked his hand against the panic button on the wall.  
A siren began to wail and you let out a rapid stream of curses.  
"What's happening!?" Natasha roared from the speaker.  
"Someone hit the alarm" You growled, "Nat, I need you to tell me how to close individual doors now"  
She quickly gave you the instructions, and you punched them in. 

* * *

Bucky was just about to run through one of the metal doors separating the corridor into two parts when it slammed shut infront of him, blocking his path. He then made for the alternate door on his left, but that closed too before he could get to it.  
He turned around and looked back; The door that would lead him in the direction the surface remained open.  
Why would someone block him from going further in, but leave his way out open..?  
And that's when he knew. He raised his eyes to the camera on the ceiling above and looked at it pleadingly. He knew that you were watching him.  
"______" He begged, wanting you to open the doors so he could come and get you.  
The doors stayed closed.

* * *

You watched as Bucky punched the metal door with his fist, trying to break his way through to you.  
You hit a button, and saw the lasers descend from the ceiling, and begin to move down the walls towards him.  
If he wouldn't go up on his own, you were going to have to force him.

* * * 

He moved back as one of the laser hissed past his head, searing off a bit of his hair. The lasers kept coming, pushing him towards the door at the other end of the corridor, and he had no choice but to run for it.  
When he ran through the door it shut behind him, and a new set of lasers descended from the ceiling, chasing him along.  
He couldn't stop, couldn't pause or go back. Doors were shutting tightly on either side as he moved past then, leaving him with only one route of escape each time.  
He knew it was you, knew you were watching from the camera.  
That you were making him break his promise.

* * *

"_____!?" Natasha half-shrieked again.  
"I'm here, still here" You murmured, ignoring the pounding as the Hydra operatives attempted to break down the door behind you.  
"l called in a favour and Stark's giving us one of his prototype Quinjets, we should be at your location in around five hours" She told you.  
You closed your eyes and breathed in deeply. Five hours. It was far too long.  
You'd probably be dead by then.  
You watched the final laser chase Bucky up the steps to the surface, and let out a sigh of relief as you closed the final door behind him. That one was too solid. Even with his metal arm he wouldn't be able to get back through.  
Suddenly, your legs felt like jelly and they couldn't hold you anymore. You slumped back into the chair and ran a trembling hand over your face.  
You'd done it. Bucky was free.  
"Cool" You said weakly, trying to sound optimistic, "Bucky will probably be outside somewhere. Do me a favour and get him safe first"  
You reached out and shakily entered one last command into the system.  
This one wasn't something you needed Natasha's advice to do. You'd learned this in your SHIELD basic training. It was the one thing that everyone knew.  
How to release a virus to completely and utterly destroy a computers entire database.  
The wall of screens infront of you began to blur, and jagged white noise emanated from them. Natasha's voice went wavery, and she kept cutting off so you couldn't hear what she was saying.  
The banging on the door got louder, and it bulged and splintered. You knew they were getting close.  
"Nat?" You asked quietly as you picked the gun up of the floor.  
"_____?" She responded, and you could hear the panic in her tone as she realised there was something you weren't telling her.  
"Take care of him. Please, just care of him"  
There a split second of silence where what you were saying sunk in. Then she spoke again and she sounded on the verge of tears.  
"No. You're not doing this to me, _____. You can't. You're my best friend" Her voice cracked, and you suddenly realised that she actually was crying.  
You swallowed as a lump burned in your throat.  
There was a thud, and screws popped out of the hinges at the side of the door.  
"I love you guys. All of you" You told the speaker softly, before you hit the red button and ended the transmission.  
The door shattered, and fell to the floor with a loud thud. Hydra operatives streamed into the room.  
You fired as many times as you could into the crowd before angry, strong hands grabbed you and yanked you to the ground.  
You rolled into a fetal position as many boots slammed into you from various sides.  
You gasped and choked in pain, feeling wetness as blood began to streak down your face.  
Suddenly the boots stopped and drew back, and the man in the suit knelt down infront of you, glaring into your face.  
You bared your teeth at him in a defiant grin, and spat a mouthful of blood into his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you read the notes at the top? I hope you did!
> 
> I'M JUST TRYIN' TO GET TO KNOW Y'ALL
> 
> And don't worry, it's not over yet! Next chapter be up soon!!!!


	14. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {"I'm a VISIONARY" He shouted in retaliation.  
> The doctor walked towards you with the needle. Sapphire and the other lackey held you firmly in place as he moved behind you. You felt the cold tip of the needle touch your back.  
> "No. You're just fucking crazy" You replied, and then screamed as the needle pierced your skin.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got a whole load of Tumblr follows the other day (and by that I mean like 9, which is huge for me) and I'm guessing it's you guys but I'm not sure? I tried to turn on my ask but I have no clue if it's working, so sorry if you've tried to get through to me and can't, and like I said; Don't be afraid to send a message!  
> (If anyone wants to be really helpful and check if my ask is working and then report back to me myself and Bucky will love you forever)  
> I'd like to thank the one Tumblr user who let a lovely message on their reblog of my link to WT! You're so nice!  
> All of you! And you guys leave such lovely comments I adore you all! :D
> 
> I must apologise, I thought this would be up yesterday. I just didn't have the time!
> 
> This chapter is kind of short, but I felt like it was right to end it where I did, and chapter 15 will be up soon! Hope you enjoy!

Bucky threw himself into the door, hammering on it. No matter how hard he hit it, it didn't even budge. Eventually he slumped back and stared at it exhaustedly.  
The light of the sun hurt his eyes and he had to squint. It had been awhile since he'd seen actual daylight. He couldn't look at the ground, as it just brightly reflected on the snow underfoot. It crunched when he moved on it, which annoyed him even more for some apparent reason. He gathered that it must be freezing out here, but he didn't feel anything. Genetically enhanced assassins didn't feel external temperature, he guessed.  
He couldn't believe what had just happened. Only forty minutes ago everything had been completely normal - Well, what counted as normal nowadays to you and him.  
And suddenly, he was up here, out in the open, and you were down there. He couldn't get back to you. He couldn't reach the one person who he'd cared about in seventy years.  
He had to think of a plan. There was no way he was going to give up on you that easily. He wouldn't leave you down there with them.  
Bucky ran a hand through his hair, messing it in agitation. How? What should he do?  
Scout the area, he thought numbly, scout the area and then find a way back in.

* * *

"Where is he!?" The man in the suit roared, his face bright red with rage.  
The ropes chaffed your skin as you attempted a shrug, and you knew that your wrists were probably as red as the guy's face.  
"Dunno. I just let him out"  
"Yes, you did" He growled, "You overpowered one of our operatives, stole equipment, and wiped our entire database clean, and now you're telling me that you have NO IDEA where the Winter Soldier has gone!? Pardon me if I don't believe you for a second"  
The door infront of you opened and a small balding man hurried into the room, followed by two more people pushing a metal trolley. You saw that one of them was Sapphire. She was glaring at you, a bandage wrapped around her temple.  
You stared back at her, a small smirk on your lips. Her eyes grew even more furious as you refused to break eye contact first, and her lips twisted into an ugly snarl.  
"I have the equipment, sir" The doctor said nervously, and pulled back the sheet covering the equipment on the trolley.  
A vast array of needles and beakers containing different chemicals lay before you. You looked at one needle, and gulped. It was huge, half as long as your forearm.  
"Good" The Hydra boss growled, and motioned towards you, "You may proceed"  
Sapphire and the man who had been pushing the trolley walked over to hold you on either side of your shoulders. You struggled as hard as you could even though you were tied to the blasted chair. As expected it did no use, and the doctor picked up the needle you had been looking at, filling it carefully with a bright green clear substance.  
"What are you going to do?" You asked, trying to keep the quiver out of your voice.  
"Well" The Hydra boss growled, "While you were off scheming and plotting when you were meant to be fixing the Winter Soldier, my scientists were working on replicating the original serum. Not the one that Wiped his memories, but the one that inhanced his capabilities in the first place. We had everything down to a tee, except we lacked a test subject"  
His gaze lingered on you pointedly, and you gulped.  
"No" You breathed.  
He laughed manically; "Yes. Your little plan has actually suited our needs quite nicely. We get a test subject, and if it works we'll stick you in Cryo-Freeze until we figure out what we have to do to Wipe your memories. Then, when you're fully under our control like a puppet on a string, we'll send you after the Winter Soldier. Or maybe just let him come to you. I gather that he won't be able to bring himself to kill you either way, so when you drag him back to us we'll have two of you instead of one. Hydra will rise again and this time we'll be UNSTOPPABLE" The last word was a victorious snarl.  
"You're crazy" You snapped as you tried to break the ropes that were holding you.  
Sapphire slapped your hands back down and her fingers dug into your shoulder even more. You hissed as her nails cut your skin, drawing blood.  
"I'm a VISIONARY" He shouted in retaliation.  
The doctor walked towards you with the needle. Sapphire and the other lackey held you firmly in place as he moved behind you. You felt the cold tip of the needle touch your back.  
"No. You're just fucking crazy" You replied, and then screamed as the needle pierced your skin.

* * *

There was no way in.  
There was no way in, and no one followed him out.  
Bucky just didn't understand. Why wasn't anyone coming after him?  
The wind whipped around him, and he glanced around. The snow was swimming around him, and he could barely see anything ten feet infront of him. So there was a blizzard. That explained why he was alone out here.  
He stumbled around blindly, and then saw a large shape looming above him. A mountain.  
He made his way slowly to the bottom of it, and there he stood in the dark, gaping maw of a cave opening.  
He staggered in and sat down on the ground, hugging his knees to his chest. There was no point in continuing to look when he couldn't see anything. Chances were he'd end up heading in the wrong direction and get lost. Then he'd never find you.  
He rubbed his hands together and blew on them. They were feeling a little chilly. Not cold enough for him to be concerned, mind you, just slightly uncomfortable.  
The storm outside seemed to rage on for hours, and it probably did.  
It was dying down when Bucky heard a voice.  
He couldn't make out what the person was saying, only that it was a man's voice and he was speaking in low, hushed tones. Bucky crept forward, keeping to the shadows at the side of the cave.  
The man seemed to be approaching, and eventually he got close enough for Bucky to figure out what he was saying;  
"I'm in position. There's no sign of anyone around. Look, we know he's out here. We just have to keep searching"  
Bucky hurtled out of the shadows and tackled the man to the ground. The guy shouted in shock as he was cut off from relaying his transmission. He struggled but Bucky had him pinned firmly. Raising his metal fist, he prepared to smash it down on the guy's head. The man's grey-blue eyes widened in shock, and he rolled his head to the side as Bucky's fist descended, dodging the blow.  
The metal fist smashed through the snow and buried itself deep in the hard earth below. Bucky tried to pu it free, but it only made a grating noise as rocks scraped against it. It was caught.  
The man managed to get two hands underneath him and shoved him off, rolling away to the side. Bucky wrenched his arm from the ground and stood just as the other man struggled to his feet.  
The man's eyes widened and he pressed the comms unit in his ear.  
"Cap! I got him!" He yelled as Bucky moved forward again.  
Bucky had to admit, for a normal agent; This guy was good. He both expertly and precisely blocked Bucky's blows, shouting all the while. Bucky was too enraged to understand a word of what he was saying.  
Suddenly, as he dodged a roundhouse kick from Bucky, the guy slipped on the ice below his boots. Bucky grabbed him by his light brown hair, and yanked his head back, preparing to beat him bloody.  
Then something smashed into his back, and it quickly leapt up onto his shoulders. The something TWISTED him, and Bucky found himself releasing his hold on the brown haired guy while simultaneously being slammed into the ground.  
He looked up to see a familiar red haired woman rolling off him and springing to her feet like a gymnast. The man staggered upright beside her, mournfully massaging his scalp.  
Bucky growled and rose to his feet, prepared to take the two of them down when he stopped. And REMEMBERED.  
He had seen this woman before. She wasn't with Hydra. She had been with... She knew...  
That was when another voice was heard, shouting as it got closer.  
"Bucky! BUCKY!"  
Another man, muscular, blonde, and achingly familiar, raced up the slope to the cave mouth quicker than Bucky would have though possible. In this hand he carried a large shield with a white star in the centre of different coloured rings.  
The blonde guy slid to a stop infront of him, glanced reassuringly at the frowning brown haired man and scowling red haired woman, and looked at Bucky rather warily as he began to approach slowly.  
"Do you know who I am?" He asked Bucky softly.  
Bucky felt a strange warmth in his throat, and had to swallow a lump before replying:  
"Hey, Steve"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup! Steeeeeeeeeeeeve's here! And I think "the red haired woman" is a pretty big indicator of who's with him! As for "the light brown haired guy"... Any guesses? Well anyone who's looked at the title of my Tumblr blog should have gathered he'd be one of the first few people being introduced... ;)
> 
> Anyhow! Toodle pip!


	15. Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {"We need to get her out of there. I promised I wouldn't leave her. I PROMISED" Bucky muttered, and Steve could hear the hysterics building up in his tone.  
> "I promise you, we will" Steve swore, gripping his friend tight, "But I'll need you here, Buck, I'll need you to hold yourself together and be at my side. Can you do that? Are you with me?"  
> There was a long moment of silence, as the two of them examined eachother's faces.  
> Finally, Bucky opened his mouth and spoke;  
> "Til the end of the line"}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day! Aren't you all lucky? I uploaded it today because my next post will probably be on Monday, and I felt like the last one too leave you guys with! 
> 
> ACCEPT MY OFFERING.  
> (^I am in a strange mood today)
> 
> Hope you're all well!

"So you remember" Steve smiled, and his baby blue eyes were gleaming.  
"Yeah" Bucky began gruffly, and went to continue but was cut off by Steve pulling him into a tight hug.  
"God, I missed you, Buck" He said softly.  
"Thanks" Bucky replied awkwardly, not really knowing what else to say.  
He couldn't say he'd missed Steve too, simply because he hadn't remembered him for the last seventy years. Luckily he was saved by the red haired woman.  
"Well this is very touching and all, but can we please go find ______. You know. My best friend who risked her life sending the transmission that brought us here and made this little love fest possible?" She said sarcastically, though there was a worried look in her tone which she made no effort to hide.  
"Buck, this is Natasha Romanoff" Steve happily began to give introductions as he stepped back, not hearing what Natasha had said, "You may remember her from..."  
"DC" Bucky finished, fixing his eyes on the ground.  
"Yeah" Steve ran a hand through his hair nervously.  
"Sorry" Bucky told her.  
She nodded and opened her mouth to reply when another voice cut her off;  
"Don't I get a sorry? You basically ripped half the hair out of my head. It takes AGES to get it this perfect looking" The brown haired guy glared at him.  
"And this is Clint Barton" Steve sighed, gesturing to him.  
"Sorry" Bucky apologized again.  
"S'okay" Clint grumbled in reply, still rubbing his scalp.  
"Steve. Focus. ______." Natasha reminded him.  
Bucky felt the fear and worry begin to gnaw at him again.  
"She's still in there" He pointed to the Hydra base, "I tried to get to her, but she forced me out of the place and then locked me out"  
"Locking herself in in the process" Clint said grimly.  
"Do you have an idea what the layout of the base is?" Natasha asked Bucky, "We need a plan. We can't just run in there and get shot at"  
"I have a map" Bucky told her, and handed it to her.  
A small smile broke over her face.  
"Excellent" She said, immediately focusing on the map and walking away.  
"I'll radio the others to get over here" Clint informed them, and strode further out of the cave mouth.  
Bucky could hear him talking into his earpiece loudly;  
"Falcon. Stark. Get your asses over here, pronto"  
Steve's voice drew him back to where he stood:  
"I'm sorry we didn't find you sooner"  
"It's alright" Bucky awkwardly tried to deflect the apology.  
"She'll be okay, you know. She's tough" Steve tried to comfort his old friend.  
Even though it had been seventy years, he still knew Bucky better than he knew himself. And Bucky was worried. Extremely worried. Steve hadn't missed how he kept glancing towards the base every few seconds with anxious eyes.  
"You don't know that" Bucky said somewhat hoarsely as his voice began to crack.  
"I do" Steve said, and turned and gripped his friend's shoulders.  
It was a risky move, he didn't know how much of the Winter Soldier was still left in Bucky, and how he'd react to being touched. Although, now he came to think of it, Steve had hugged him a few minutes ago, and nothing bad had happened.  
Bucky stiffened at the contact, but stayed still. His body twitched a few times, but Steve just put it down to nerves.  
"We need to get her out of there. I promised I wouldn't leave her. I PROMISED" Bucky muttered, and Steve could hear the hysterics building up in his tone.  
"I promise you, we will" Steve swore, gripping his friend tight, "But I'll need you here, Buck, I'll need you to hold yourself together and be at my side. Can you do that? Are you with me?"  
There was a long moment of silence, as the two of them examined eachother's faces.  
Finally, Bucky opened his mouth and spoke;  
"Til the end of the line"

* * *

Green spots blurred your vision and you tried to blink them away. They only slightly shrunk, and then grew back as large again, so eventually you just stopped trying. Your head ached and your throat was parched.  
You weren't sure how long you'd been down here. An hour? A day? A week?  
Maybe even a month.  
You weren't sure. Time had begun to blur together after the third injection into your spine.  
There was no one in the room with you right now. You couldn't even recall when they'd left. Your chin rested against your chest and you inhaled and exhaled shuddering breaths as your pain wracked body twinged every time you moved.  
Was this what Bucky had gone through? This was enough to drive anyone crazy, even without the memory wiping. You wondered where he was, if Natasha had gotten to him, or at least if he was safe and far away from Hydra.  
Your head began to pound at the thought of them recapturing him again, and making him a mindless slave once more.  
You could take whatever torture they'd throw at you, just as long as he was okay. As long as your Bucky was okay.  
The door opened, and you let out a whimper of fear.  
"Hello, love. Hope you enjoyed that five minute rest. We're back"

* * *

"Sam, when we begin to attack the base they're gonna come out. Strap on your wings. We need you to provide them with as much of a distraction as possible. Clint, you have to provide cover fire for Sam. Stay here and snipe them out" Steve ordered.  
"Roger that, Rogers" Clint said as he and the man called Sam, who Bucky realised had also been in DC, sprinted off to get ready.  
Steve then turned to Natasha; "Tasha, I need you to take the snowmobile and get back to the Quinjet. At my command, you bring it around to us. Tell Bruce to be ready with the med equipment"  
"Fine" She snapped, a little peeved at being asked to keep out of the fighting.  
But Clint was the better sniper after all.  
She turned and disappeared down the hill, and a few minutes later they heard a soft hum, and saw her speeding away on the white snowmobile.  
"What should I do?" Tony Stark asked again, and Bucky brought his incredulous gaze back to the man once more.  
The man's entire body was covered in metal. Stark had told Bucky pretty quickly that no, it wasn't a prosthetic body like Bucky's arm, but rather just a suit of armour, but Bucky was still amazed.  
"I'm glad someone appreciates my genius" The dark haired man had grumbled, shooting a pointed look at Steve, which the Captain ignored.  
Bucky snapped back to the present as Steve gave his answer; "You're gonna come with me and Bucky. We'll need you to blast down the doors and other obstacles in our way once we get inside"  
"Sounds good to me" Tony shrugged, and Bucky couldn't help but feel amused at how his apparent nonchalant attitude appeared to be annoying Steve in a major way.  
"Right then" Steve snapped, pointing at the map, "We make our way down this path, and take down anyone we'll come into contact with. When we reach the end of the main corridor we'll proceed to sweep the building altogether. No splitting up, we have no idea what weapons they have down there, and we have a better chance if we're all watching eachother's backs"  
"Aye aye Captain" Tony replied, pressing a button on his sleeve so that the metal folded over to cover his face.  
A hand tapped Bucky on the shoulder, and he looked around into the eyes of Clint Barton.  
"Though you might need this" The agent told him, handing him a Thompson machine gun.  
"Thanks" Bucky was oddly touched by the man's thoughtfulness, "By the way... Sorry again about your hair"  
Clint let out a brief laugh, "It's okay. It's not the first time someone's pulled my hair when we got physical. Though it's never been a guy before" He joked.  
Bucky chuckled, feeling himself beginning to like this guy and his weird sense of humour.  
"Just... Bring her back, will ya? She's like a little sister to me" Clint said, his tone going suddenly very serious and somber.  
"I'll die trying" Bucky told him quietly.  
"Now, there's no need to get so melodramatic" Clint tried to jest as Steve began to call for them all to move out.  
Bucky just shook his head amusedly at the sniper, and moved forward to join Steve and Tony at the cave mouth.  
"Ready?" Steve asked softly.  
"Ready" Bucky agreed.


	16. Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A word of warning here people, the days of updating every single day/two days are (unfortunately) over.  
> The reason for this can be summed up in two words:  
> "My Exams"  
> I'll probably update once more this week, maybe twice next week, but not at all the week after that because that's when my exams start.
> 
> Thanks to all of you who read this, left kudos, bookmarks, subscriptions, and comments. Special thanks to the people who messaged me on Tumblr (especially the person who's recommended my story to her followers on her Tumblr page when I didn't even ask, I can't thank you enough, and to my new Australian friend who is one of the nicest people I've ever talked to!) I won't mention names incase you don't want me to, but you know who you are!

"Down!" Tony barked, and Bucky immediately obeyed the command and threw himself onto the ground infront of the billionaire.  
Stark raised his arm, and sent a blast of energy at the outside door. It held firm, so Tony followed it with another, stronger blast.  
Bullets ripped through the air around them, and Bucky rolled onto his back to return fire. He aimed at the man firing the machine gun on the rooftop, but before he could fire, the man staggered, and fell forwards off the building. He hit the ground face up, and Bucky saw the arrow sticking out from his eye socket.  
"Dammit Barton, he was mine!" He growled into the headset Steve had given him.  
"I'm just doing my job here" Clint drawled.  
"For once" Natasha chimed in sassily.  
Tony barked out a laugh, still firing, and even Bucky was grinning.  
"Guys! Focus!" Steve ordered as a grenade landed by his feet.  
Bucky watched his friend leap aerobically into the air, flipping over as it exploded, and holding his shield up for protection against the blast as he fell back to earth.  
"Clint, can you please take out the guy who's on my trail with the rocket launcher!?" Sam yelped.  
"Roger that, Not-Rogers" Clint replied.  
"You need to stop saying that" Steve snapped.  
Bucky rolled to his feet as a footsoldier came at him with a long knife. He blocked the man's attack, swept his legs out from under him, and then shot him in the head.  
It was then he felt the whistle of air against the back of his neck, a biting sting, and he knew he'd been tricked.  
While he had been distracted with one soldier another had snuck up behind him. Bucky felt the knife cut into him...  
There was a loud, metallic bang, and the knife was gone. Bucky turned to see Steve's shield returning to his hands as his best friend jogged across to him.  
He opened his mouth to thank him, when Tony's yell interrupted him;  
"Guys! It's open!"  
Bucky forgot what he was going to say and raced towards the door, Steve hot on his heels.  
"Clint! Sam! Will you guys be okay out here?" Steve asked.  
"You go on, Cap" Sam instructed, "If things get too rough out here I'll pick up Barton and make an air escape"  
"My guardian angel" Clint sighed, and Bucky bit back another hysterical laugh.  
"Natasha, are you at the Quinjet?"  
"Yup. All's good to go here, and Banner has the equipment ready. Just call me when you need us"  
"I will. We're going in. See you guys soon"  
Steve nodded as they ran into the base after Tony.

* * *

You were dimly aware of shouting, and pounding footsteps outside.  
Something was happening.  
You raised an exhausted, weary gaze towards the door. You could see the orange outline of light filtering through the sides. It was shut. The room was dark, but you could still make out that there was no one else in there with you.  
Had you passed out? You must have, seeing as you couldn't remember when they had left.  
Or maybe you were just going crazy.  
A sharp spasm of pain wracked your body, and you whimpered. The green spots in your vision began to be joined by blue and purple. You shook your head to clear them, but they didn't go away.  
Your chest hurt every time you took a breath, and your body was tingling like it was being pricked with a thousand needles. The pain grew, twisting your insides, until you were screaming with agony.

* * *

"We'll start from the left and sweep right" Steve instructed.  
Tony nodded and Bucky was also about to agree when he heard it. It was faint, and at first he thought he was imagining it.  
"Buck?" Steve looked at him in confusion.  
"Shh" He shushed him and held a finger to his lips.  
Steve and Tony fell silent and listened also, heads cocked. After a few seconds Tony spoke again;  
"Is that... Screaming?"  
Bucky bolted off towards the sound.  
He was barely aware of the other two running off him; Steve yelling and Tony cursing.  
Bucky slammed into the door infront of him metal fist first. It crumpled under his strength and momentum and he raced through it, barely breaking a stride.  
A Hydra operative raised his gun, but Steve's shield spun out again. It smacked into the agent's face, breaking his neck on impact.  
Bucky sprinted past, following the sound of the screaming that was burning his chest and making his heart beat faster with dread. Please no, please, please no, he thought desperately.  
Another door infront of him fell before he could even reach it as Tony blasted the way open for him. Eventually he turned a corner and the screaming got louder.  
A room lay down the other end of the corridor. The cries were coming from within. Bucky reached it in seconds, and smashed his metal arm into it continually until it buckled and collapsed under the onslaught.  
In that time Steve and Tony had caught up with him, and staggered into the room after him.

* * *

Your throat was raw, and you were gasping for air. Your entire body was shaking with pain, and it felt like you were on fire from the inside.  
All of a sudden the door made a loud crash, and you cringed away from the sound and what you knew was coming next.  
"Please, no more" You said brokenly as someone approached.  
"______?" A voice said desperately, and you felt hands grasp your face.  
"Bucky?" You rasped incredulously, blinking in order to see him better.  
"Yeah" He said in a choked voice, "... What have they done to you..?"  
It wasn't exactly a question, but more a horrified observation. You could dimly see his white face as he crouched infront of you.  
"Told you to LEAVE" You insisted weakly.  
"I had a promise to keep" He whispered, and you felt gentle fingers touch your face.  
"She needs medical attention" You heard another, familiar voice chime in.  
"Steve?" You gaped.  
There was a movement, and someone knelt beside Bucky. You could dimly make out the blonde hair and baby blue eyes.  
"Hey ______" He said kindly, "Look, I know you're hurt badly, but I need to pick you up and get you out of here"  
"No" Bucky snapped.  
"Buck, she needs-"  
"I carry her" He insisted with a slight snarl in his voice.

* * *

Steve looked at his best friend. Really looked.  
Bucky was hunched protectively over ______'s weak body with a furious, almost insane look in his eyes. In all the years of protecting Steve when they were younger, Bucky had never looked that.  
It could have been due to the Winter Soldier, but Steve didn't think so. Steve was a smart man. He knew Bucky Barnes.  
And at this moment he knew Bucky Barnes better than Bucky Barnes knew himself:  
Bucky loved you.  
Not in the way that someone loves their best friend, or their family.  
Bucky loved you in a fierce, loyal, and wholesome way that Steve had once thought that his slightly womanizing best friend would never be capable of.  
"Okay" Steve said, trying to hide the smile that was in his voice in spite of the situation, "You carry her. Let's just get out of here"

* * *

Strong arms were lifting you up carefully, the ropes no longer tying you to the chair.  
You groaned as the movement hurt your nerve filled body, and you curled tighter into the chest that you were being held against.  
Breathing in shallowly, you smelt the familiar, comforting smell that clung to Bucky's skin. You raised one hand to grip onto his jacket as tightly as you could. You didn't want anyone to take you away from him again.  
"Ready?" You heard another man ask.  
It wasn't Bucky or Steve, so you cracked one eye open in alarm.  
It took you a second, but you the recognized the iron clad body of Tony Stark. He was watching you with concern in his brown eyes.  
"Ready" Bucky affirmed, and metal came up to cover Tony's face also.  
You swayed as Bucky began to carry you down the halls, and though he was jogging he moved at a fluid, gliding pace so not to jostle you anymore.  
Then you felt it, the known whisper of pain lace through your aching body. You gritted your teeth and gripped Bucky's clothes tighter, trying to block out the pain.  
"Natasha; Bring the Quinjet around, now. Clint; We're coming out, and we'll need lots of cover fire. Sam; Hold them off with Clint"  
There was the sound of bullets, and Bucky turned suddenly, but then there was a loud blasting sound and a light flickered over your closed lids.  
"Got 'em" Tony Stark said dryly.  
The agony continued to build, growing stronger every minute. Sweat beaded your brow, and your entire body was stiff as you tried not to cry out. Noise could draw attention.  
Eventually you made it to the surface. The sunlight hit you in the face like a punch and you flinched; Your eyes had adjusted to the darkness of the cell room below during the last while.  
You could hear gunshots even clearer now, and you strained to hear the sound of some rescue coming your way.  
Then Steve spoke the words that made your heart sink.  
"Natasha! Where ARE you!?"

* * *

Bucky looked around in horror. They were vastly outnumbered.  
They had run out the door, expecting to see Natasha and the uinjet waiting for them, but the agent was nowhere to be seen.  
They were surrounded by Hydra agents. No matter how many they took down, more kept coming.  
Bucky couldn't fight, he was holding you. So that left Steve and Tony to protect you both.  
Just then, one man slipped past Steve, and came at Bucky with a machete. Bucky turned you away from the man, to take the blow himself, when the man slammed into the ground like an invisible hand had slapped him down.  
"I hope that one wasn't yours too" Clint said dryly from the headset.  
"You can take as many of mine as you like" Bucky replied, letting his gratitude show in his voice.  
But even with Clint's shooting, and Sam's help from the sky, they were going down.  
Steve took a shot to the shoulder when trying to fight off eight men, and Tony's Ironman suit had scrapes from multiple blades all over it. Your body had gone limp in his arms and Bucky knew you'd lost consciousness again.  
"NATASHA, GET US OUT OF HERE!" Steve screamed as he fell to one knee, hand to his bleeding shoulder.  
A giant of a man stood above him, huge boulder in hand as others kicked him down. The giant raised it, preparing to bring it down on the Captain's skull.  
"Clint!" Sam shouted.  
"Too many people! I can't get a shot!" Clint yelled frantically in reply.  
Bucky felt his heart rip in two.  
Save his best friend.  
Or protect the girl he loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFFHANGER I KNOW RIGHT!?
> 
> As I have said before, feel free to send me a message on my Tumblr (rennered-me-speechless) because everyone I've talked to so far are LOVELY! And I'd like to get to know y'all :)


	17. Reactions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {"Super fast metabolism..." Steve ran an agitated hand through his blonde hair, "I know what they were trying to do. They were trying to create a super soldier like me"  
> "No" Bucky found himself speaking, his voice raw, "They were trying to create another Winter Soldier"}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter a day earlier than promised! Hope you like it! 
> 
> Thank you to all those who commented, left kudos, subscribed, bookmarked, and sent me lovely supportive messages on Tumblr.
> 
> It's all for you, readers!

Bullet holes ripped through the giant man, and he fell backwards away from Steve. The bullets continued to rain from the sky above and moved on to pepper those surrounding him, smashing through them quicker than you'd have thought possible.  
Some of the Hydra agents ran screaming for cover, and those who didn't were already lying dead on the ground.  
"Sorry, Cap" Natasha said as she continued to chase the remaining men with the Quinjet's guns, "I got a little held up. There was a squadron on patrol"  
Steve got shakily to his feet, and Tony moved forward to support him. The Quinjet descended, and landed on the ground  
"Get in! Quick! Before they come back with reinforcements!" Clint panted as he skidded to stop beside the others.  
The doors opened, and they all bundled in, Sam last as he landed and his wings folded up.  
"Let's get out of here" Tony snapped at Natasha.  
She shot him a quick glare from the pilot seat, but did as asked and lifted the machine into the air.  
Another man who Bucky hadn't seen before moved forward. He had curly dark hair, and a nervous, worried demeanor about him. That demeanor vanished however when he looked at _______.  
"Please, place her here" He instructed, his voice suddenly going stern as he issued the command.  
Bucky looked at Steve quickly, who, despite his wounded shoulder, nodded reassuringly. Bucky laid you out on the table in the middle of the jet, and stood back, watching as the curly haired man fussed over you.  
"Bruce is going into doctor mode" A voice said in his ear and he looked down at Tony Stark.  
The man had taken off his suit of armour somehow since they'd gotten onto the jet. Bucky didn't know how he'd managed that, as there were no rooms, and they hadn't been on it long.  
"He's a doctor?"  
"Yup. And the Hulk"  
"The what?" Bucky asked in confusion.  
Tony's eyed widened; "Hulk..? Do you actually not know what the Hulk is? Man, where have you even BEEN!?"  
"Mindlessly brainwashed for the last seventy years? Jeez, Tony" Clint piped up from where he was attending to Steve's shoulder wound.  
"Oh" Tony winced, "Sorry"  
"It's alright" Bucky replied, and then moved to Steve's side.  
"Hey" He said quietly, feeling guilty.  
"Hey" Steve replied, a pained yet happy grin on his face.  
"Is he okay?" Bucky directed the question at Clint, who was bandaging the super soldier's shoulder.  
"Yeah, he'll be fine. I know first aid, and this isn't the worst injury I've seen by far" The archer replied.  
Bucky leaned his head back against the cool metal wall of the Quinjet and sighed.  
They were safe. At long last, the both of them were safe.  
That was when you began to scream.  
He bolted upright, grabbing Bruce's wrist and slamming him back against the wall as the doctor tried to inject something into your forearm.  
There was yelling as Clint, Tony and Steve moved forward. It was unneeded though. Bruce threw Bucky off with ease, his skin suddenly turning green. A jagged growl emanated from his throat and his body hunched over, bulging like there was something inside of him trying to get out.  
Bucky moved back to stand infront of you protectively. Tony slid forward and draped an arm around Bruce's shoulders, whispering to him quietly and calmingly.  
The doctor leant over with his hands on his knees and took deep, even breaths of air. Tony rubbed circles on his back as he collected himself. The green tinge to his skin began to fade, and when he straightened up his eyes were calm again.  
"Sorry about that" He said matter of factly, and went to return to you.  
Bucky blocked his path, unwilling to let him past after what he'd just witnessed.  
"What was that?" He demanded brazenly.  
"That" Tony stood beside Bruce, "Was the Hulk"

* * *

"Clint, take the wheel" Natasha snapped as she glanced over her shoulder.  
Clint pouted, but did as she asked because he could see the look on Natasha's face and knew that there was no way of refusing her without getting punched later.  
The Quinjet hovered in the air while Clint switched into her seat, but then they were off again.  
Natasha stepped carefully from the cockpit, making sure there were no wires tangled around her feet (You never knew with Stark's prototype of the latest model of the Quinjet). Eventually she squeezed her way past Steve and Tony, and made her way to you.  
The Winter Soldier was hovering over you, nursing one of your hands in his. His cautious eyes flickered between your face and Bruce, who was running tests on your still form.  
A lump came into Natasha's throat when she looked down on you. You were so pale, so sickly looking. Your breathing was fast and gasping, and your body trembled. She had never, ever, seen you like this before.  
She reached over and brushed a lock of hair out of your eyes. Bruce looked up in surprise, unused to seeing an action this caring performed by the Black Widow. He didn't comment on it, however, just resumed his work.  
"Thank you" Natasha said quietly.  
"For what?" The Soldier asked.  
"Bringing my best friend back to me" Natasha whispered, holding back tears, "I thought she was dead, in the months she was gone"  
There was a moment of silence.  
"That must have been terrible" The Solder said softly, and Natasha knew by the shiver that ran through his body as he thought about her words that he meant it.  
"It was" She agreed, examining him closely, "She cares for you, you know that?"  
"I care for her too" He told her, his blue gaze returning to your face once more.  
"She told me to get you out. No matter what happened to her, she wanted me to get you out"  
"You got us both out. I can never repay you enough" He said with total honesty in his voice.  
Natasha gave the Soldier- no, Bucky, a sad smile, and looked back down at you as well.  
"You can repay me by keeping her alive. They'll come for you again. This is only the beginning"  
"I know" Bucky said, lifting his gaze back up to Natasha.  
She stared into him, reading him, and saw the determination and resolve reflected in those steely eyes. She smiled at him. A real smile this time.  
"Good"  
Just then Bruce piped up.  
"Uhh, guys? There's something strange going with her"  
The doctor's brow was furrowed as he examined the screen of one of his hand held pieces of equipment.  
"What do you mean?" Steve moved forward looking concerned.  
"Her vitals, metabolic reactions; Everything's moving insanely fast. It's like nothing I've ever seen before" Bruce looked at you in concern, "Her blood pressure and temperature are way higher than they're meant to be. I gave her a sedative when we took off, but at the rate reactions in her body was taking place I'd say it's already burned through her"  
You whimpered, and one of your hands clawed at the table beside you. The movement of your arm revealed something to Sam Wilson, who was standing beside Natasha.  
That looks like an needle mark" Sam pointed to a spot on your arm.  
Bruce bent closer to look.  
"It is" He agreed, then straightened to look at them, "You say you found her being tortured, but there are no cuts or bruises on her. Only needle marks" He concluded as he carefully examined the rest of your body, "What exactly were they doing to her?" Bruce's voice was quiet as horror ran through him and every one present.  
Bucky's blood ran cold and his palms began to sweat as what must have happened to you pieced together inside his brain.  
"Super fast metabolism..." Steve ran an agitated hand through his blonde hair, "I know what they were trying to do. They were trying to create a super soldier like me"  
"No" Bucky found himself speaking, his voice raw, "They were trying to create another Winter Soldier"

* * *

"We're going in here?" Bucky asked in shock as he stared at the building infront of him.  
"Yup" Tony replied, not pausing to look back as he strode on away from the helicopter pad and through the doors.  
"Isn't this place a little... Conspicuous?" Bucky tried again, adjusting his hold on your unconscious body in his arms.  
"It's the safest place we can be while we get fixed up" Steve told him reassuringly, "Though the World Council ordered Fury to start up SHIELD again, we can't go to the new HQ. They're still recruiting and slowly reviewing all the new agents; There's not enough man power to hold the building incase of an attack"  
"And there is here?" Bucky said sarcastically, "The seven of us and Stark's cleaning ladies?"  
"We have Jarvis!" Tony yelled back as he disappeared from sight.  
"Who's Jarvis?" Bucky questioned again as he followed Tony and the others inside Stark Tower.  
{I am Jarvis} A man's voice said from nowhere.  
Bucky whirled, looking around him wildly.  
"Where are you?" He growled, tightening his hold on you.  
Sam stepped forward to lay a reassuring hand on his arm.  
"Hey, man, relax. Jarvis is basically a robotic system that runs Stark Tower"  
Bucky looked up at the ceiling in shock.  
"And it can talk?"  
{Yes, sir.} The voice said again, {I am Jarvis. Just A Rather Very Intelligent System. I aid Mr Stark in the running and maintenance of his home, and whatever else he may need}  
"I'm Bucky" Bucky said hesitantly, "Bucky Barnes"  
{It is nice to meet you Bucky Bucky Barnes}  
"No" He flushed, "There's only one 'Bucky' in my name"  
{Then why did you not tell me in the first place?}  
"Sorry"  
{It is forgiven, Bucky Bucky Barnes}  
"Stop that"  
{Stop what?}  
"You know what" Bucky glared at the camera on the ceiling.  
"Jarv" Sam chuckled, grinning upwards, "Stop messing with him. You don't want to see him angry"  
{My apologies for my jokes, Mr Barnes. I fear I have spent to long in Mr Stark's presence}  
"Haven't we all?" Natasha grumbled up ahead.  
"Come on" Tony said, reappearing around the corner of the corridor, "I'll show you guys to the med bay first, and then to your rooms"  
"When did you put in a med bay?" Clint asked with a laugh.  
"After I joined the Avengers. I thought it'd be a good idea"  
"Smart thinking, Tony" Steve said, sounding genuinely surprised.  
"Wow, Steve. You sound so shocked. You know I actually am considered a genius?" Tony rolled his eyes.  
"Boys! Focus!" Natasha snapped, "Stark, bring us to this med bay. ______ needs a proper examination"  
Without another word, they hurried on to the elevator. It took them down to another floor, where they were greeted by waiting doctors and nurses. There was a buzz of activity as everyone was dragged off for individual tests.  
"Sir, please deposit the girl here" One doctor instructed Bucky, motioning for him to leave you on the hospital bed.  
Bucky stared down at you in his arms. He didn't want to let you out of his sight, but these were doctors. They would take care of you... Wouldn't they?  
Steve appeared by his side, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.  
"It's okay, Buck" He told his friend softly, "They'll take good care of her. I promise"  
Bucky shifted uneasily, and with one final, desperate look at your face, he gently laid you down on the bed. Steve pulled him back as the doctors and nurses began to quickly wheel you away.  
"C'mon, Bucky" Steve motioned for him to go towards the crowd of doctors and nurses waiting for him at the entrance to one of the rooms, "Go get cleaned up"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to put a bit of banter in between Jarvis and Bucky there because I feel sometime this story gets too dark and we need some comic relief every now and then!
> 
> I hope you're all doing okay!
> 
> Next chapter will be on Monday, and it's a little different. Not bad different, personally I rather like it, but we'll see what you think!
> 
> ... By the way, if any other Trekkies out there have any good fic recommendations (preferably a series) for either Leonard "Bones" McCoy X Reader, or Jim Kirk X Reader, would you drop me a link or something?  
> I've come across one amazing McCoy X Reader series on Lunaescence, and a really good Jim Kirk X Reader series on this (but that one hasn't been updated since 2013 *sigh*) and a few excellent one shots, but I need more!


	18. Flashbacks I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {"You can buy me one next round. Now, spill"  
> "Spill what?" Steve looked confused.  
> "Whatever it is that has you gulping down drinks at the bar like they're breaths of air with that sad, smacked puppy look on your face when you should be out there partying with everyone else" She answered, sipping her own drink and watching him with raised brows.  
> "It's complicated, long, and a bit too depressing for small talk" He warned.  
> She shrugged unaffectedly once again; "Good thing I never really liked small talk anyway"}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I said this chapter will be a bit different, and it is. For a reason.  
> Basically, I'm having severe writer's block trying to write the reunion chapter between Bucky and our lovely OC. Nothing I write seems good enough. Some drafts are too robotic and stiff, others too sappy and emotional and out of character.  
> In order not to leave you all hanging, and also because I want to give our OC and her relationships with other characters some background, I wrote this.  
> Personally, I really like it. It escapes from the whole doom 'n' gloom and high emotions we're all so prone too, and I need a bit of a break from writing it. It also continues in the next chapter (which will be up Thursday/Friday) and I think they are a good thing to leave you all with while I'm on my three week hiatus!

"Hi" Natasha said as she walked into the room.  
Bucky briefly raised his head from where it rested on the side of your bed and looked up at her.  
"Hi" He greeted shortly, before shifting his position on the chair to look back at you. He lowered his chin to the mattress once again, and continued to gaze up into your face. His fingers were gently stroking one of your hands, which was clasped in both of his infront of him.  
"You can go get some rest" Natasha offered, eyeing your still form with concern as she packed some of your clothes into a chest of drawers "I can stay with her for a bit. We've all decided to watch over her in turns"  
Bucky shook his head vehemently, though his eyes didn't stray from you to look at her again.  
"I'm staying" He said firmly, "I'm staying until she wakes up"  
Natasha sighed; "Well then looks like we're staying with her together"  
She made her way to the opposite side of the bed, and settled down in the large plush armchair in the corner. She folded her legs under her, and leaned her head back, closing her eyes in exhaustion.  
"Did they say if she'd wake up soon?" Bucky asked hesitantly, and she knew he was unsure if he wanted to hear the answer, "When I came in after they cleaned me up they said she didn't wake up once"  
"They think she will, but they're not sure" Natasha answered honestly, her fingers nervously playing with the sleeves of Pepper's hoodie that Tony had lent her.  
"Do you think she will?" Bucky questioned again.  
Natasha looked at the ground, and mulled his question over carefully. She wasn't one for advocating false hope, whether it was given to her, or someone else.  
"I think she will" She finally answered, a small smile creeping over her face as a memory washed over her, "She has some scores to settle, and she likes to kick butt"

* * *

[FLASHBACK]:

Natasha Romanoff sighed loudly, and slumped back in the office chair by the large oval table.  
Today was the day that she had been dreading for months.  
Every new SHIELD recruit was paired with a more experienced, qualified agent. The agent was meant to help them through their basic training, and show them how to navigate life at SHIELD. It was also meant to strengthen the bonds between agents or something.  
Ugh.  
When Coulson had come to her a few weeks ago to say that Fury had chosen her to become a mentor, she had been furious. She didn't want to be shoved into playing nanny to some overly-confident male trainee who wouldn't stop oogling her boobs. She wanted to be out in the world, doing her job.  
She was good at her job, and definitely not so much good with people.  
But Fury had been adamant when she had tried to refuse, so here she was:  
Sitting in the meeting room, waiting to meet her charge.  
Just then the doors infront of her slid open, and Maria Hill strode into the room, her face stern and businesslike as per usual. Behind her, a girl followed with her hands shoved nervously in her pockets.  
Natasha examined her face quickly. She was a pretty thing, younger than Natasha. Her eyes were wide and curious as she returned Natasha's stare.  
Natasha was surprised. Not many people were brave enough to look her in the eye when they knew her reputation.  
"Natasha" Maria announced, "This is _____ ________; Your trainee. ______, this is Agent Natasha Romanoff. She's going to be your mentor"  
"Hi" The girl said quietly, a timid smile on her face.  
"Hey" Natasha smiled back warmly, feeling a sudden surge of affection for the obviously overwhelmed new agent.  
After all, it was nerve-wracking being a newbie at SHIELD. Though Natasha supposed that it had been a bit worse for herself, seeing as she was at the top of their hit-list in her years previous to joining.  
At least she'd had Clint to show her around though. If she refused this girl, then the recruit would be more lost than even Natasha was comfortable with her being.  
"I'll leave you in Agent Romanoff's very capable hands" Maria said briskly.  
Natasha almost laughed at the panicked look on the girl's face at Maria's choice of words. The trainee was probably having visions of Nat strangling her or something.  
Maria nodded to the two of them, and then left the room as abruptly as she'd come.  
A silence followed her departure.  
Natasha, lost for words, clicked her freshly manicured nails against the metal armrest of the chair. ______ scuffed her shoes on the ground and kept her gaze averted.  
"So" Natasha was unable to stand the awkwardness anymore, "Any ideas what you wanna do here?"  
"I was thinking a scientist" The younger girl admitted, "I've studied Captain America's history, and if I could recreate the super soldier serum it could save so many lives"  
Natasha had to grin at that. Here they were; The assassin that regularly took lives, and the recruit intent of saving them.  
"Shouldn't they have just started you as a lab assistant then?" She enquired, curious to why SHIELD weren't following their usual pathway.  
______ gave a rueful smile; "They think I'd make a good field agent. I think they're hoping you'll be able to convince me"  
"Why do they want you to be a field agent?" Natasha cocked her head, amused by the recruit's attitude for some reason.  
"I kinda like to kick butt... And I'm fairly good at it" ______ admitted with a mischievous glint in her eye.  
Natasha threw back her head and laughed. ______ let out a chuckle and grinned at her, the shyness gone completely.  
"Well, you've come to the right place" Natasha got to her feet, and motioned _____ to follow as she began to walk from the room.  
"Oh. Is our game of twenty questions over so soon?" The recruit asked cheekily, pretending to be upset.  
"Quiet, you" Natasha playfully elbowed her newfound friend.  
"Where are we going?" _____ asked.  
"We're going to kick butt" Natasha replied.  
"Who's butt?"  
"Your butt"  
"But I like my butt"  
"Too bad"  
"Are you gonna beat me up for that twenty questions comment, Agent Romanoff?"  
"Please, call me Natasha"  
"Are you going to beat me up, NATASHA?"  
"Yup. But in the meantime I'm gonna teach you everything I know"

[END FLASHBACK]

* * *

Natasha snapped out of her daydream as Steve walked into the room.  
"What are you doing here?" She asked groggily.  
"It's my shift" Steve said in confusion.  
Natasha looked down at her watch. Three hours had passed.  
Woah.  
She must have fallen asleep or something.  
She stretched her legs, and then rose stiffly from her chair. She stretched again when she stood up, straining her arms over her head.  
"Call me when she wakes up?" She tried not to yawn as she said the words to Steve.  
"Of course" He replied, inclining his head at her request.  
Before she left she walked over to your beside and took the hand Bucky wasn't holding in hers.  
"Wake up soon" She told you, squeezing your fingers lightly as she ran her gaze over your face, looking for any sign of consciousness.  
Her eyes turned to Bucky. It didn't look like he'd moved in the three hours she'd been sleeping.  
"Goodnight" She said softly.  
He didn't reply, just kept looking intently at your face even though his eyelids were drooping with exhaustion.  
Natasha shrugged, and staggered from the med bay, off to her room to take a proper, much needed rest. 

* * *

"Buck" Steve said as he sat down in the chair Natasha had just vacated.  
His friend didn't seem to hear him, so he tried again, louder;  
"BUCK"  
Bucky looked around, before his eyes settled on Steve.  
"Oh. Hey. I didn't hear you come in" He told him distractedly, before turning back to you again.  
Steve could hear him murmuring softly to you as he rubbed your hand in between his. Pity for his friend welled up inside him, and he tried to give him so comfort.  
"She'll be fine. You'll see"  
"You don't know that" Bucky replied quietly.  
"I'm Captain America. I know EVERYTHING" Steve attempted a joke, but his old friend didn't laugh, or even quirk his mouth upwards.  
"It was my fault" Bucky said suddenly.  
"What?"  
"It was my fault" Bucky's teeth were gritted against the bitterness and guilt that washed through him, "If it wasn't for me, she wouldn't have had to go through any of this"  
Steve sighed, rubbing a hand over his face; "It's not your fault. It's Hydra. It's them who made the decision to do these things to both of you"  
"I hate them" Bucky snarled with a passion, "I want to rip every single one of them apart, limb from limb, and slowly burn them from the inside out until they die screaming and begging for mercy"  
Steve looked at him in alarm. Bucky's lip was curled, and there was madness glowing in his blazing blue eyes.  
Steve walked quickly over to him and laid a calming hand on his shoulder.  
"You'll have your revenge" He promised soothingly, "But don't talk like that. Negative talk like that won't help around her" He gestured to you, "It creates a bad atmosphere"  
Bucky closed his eyes, counting backwards from ten to collect himself once again, and then nodded stiffly.  
"Distract me, please" He asked Steve, and there was almost a desperate edge to his voice, "I feel like without her here to hold me together I'm slipping"  
Steve rubbed Bucky's back reassuringly.  
"I won't let you slip. I'll keep you here until she comes back" He swore, casting his mind around for ideas on something to capture his friend's attention.  
Bingo.  
A small, fond smile appeared on Steve's face as his gaze moved from Bucky back to you;  
"Do you want to hear how ______ and I first met?"

* * *

[FLASHBACK]:

Steve sat at the bar by himself. All around him was the quiet buzz of people talking, and the soothing sound of the band playing slow songs in the corner. People whirled past him. Dancing. Talking. Enjoying themselves.  
Just like he should be.  
He threw back his drink, and glanced around uninterestedly. He had to hand it to them; SHIELD could throw a pretty nice Christmas party.  
Unfortunately the atmosphere, fancy clothes, and soft lighting only served him as a reminder of the date that he'd missed with Peggy.  
He motioned for the bartender to get him another drink. He knew he couldn't get drunk. But he might as well try.  
He had been woken up from the ice coming up on two years previous now, and his heart still hurt at the mention of any of the people he'd left behind in the forties.  
Director Fury had invited him to SHIELD's Christmas party obviously in the hope of Steve making friends, and in doing so, making ties of loyalty to the agency.  
Good luck with that.  
Steve knocked back his next drink and put his head in his hands. Just then he became aware of two female voices bickering quietly.  
"Nat, I look ridiculous" One whined.  
"No, you don't. You look incredible and you should be enjoying yourself" Another argued.  
"I'm not even meant to be here!" The first speaker's tone was panicked, "I'm only a trainee! This is for qualified agents!"  
"You're here as my plus one" The second voice reassured again, "Your name's on the list next to mine. And if anyone tries to boot you out you can just kick them with those FABULOUS heels you're always begging to borrow, and that I finally let you wear tonight"  
"I can be bribed with shoes. I can't believe I've finally sunk to your level" The first girl said, and Steve had to choke back a laugh at how miserable she sounded.  
"Anyhow" The second person continued confidently, "You're going to be working with these people soon enough. It's about time you get to know them"  
"But I'm not going to be a field agent!" The first one tried again.  
"Seriously, ______!" The second girl sounded extremely exasperated, "You can't possibly tell me that sitting in your apartment with your books is more fun than this"  
"It is more fun!" The girl, ______, insisted desperately, "Unlike everyone here, my books don't have expectations!"  
"Look, you need to get a drink and calm down" The second one laughed.  
"Okay" The first girl said miserably.  
Someone slid onto the barstool next to him, and he raised his head and looked up to see a pretty girl in a gorgeous red dress settle down beside him.  
"Can I borrow that?" She asked, pointing at the drinks menu beside him while not actually looking at him.  
He recognized her voice. It was the _____ girl.  
"Sure" He replied, and passed it to her.  
He watched in amusement as she proceeded to order two of the strongest drinks that there was. Then she patted her hair and sighed exhaustedly.  
"Steve!" A voice exclaimed, and he twisted around to see a familiar red head making a beeline for him, "You're here!"  
"So I am" He agreed, inclining his drink at her.  
"This is _____" Natasha told him, a little breathless from her rush over to the bar, "My trainee. ______, meet Steve Rogers; America's Golden Boy. Now, if you don't mind, I'll leave you with her while I go to the bathroom and fix my make up!"  
And then she was gone in a whirl of black fabric and hair.  
_____ gave him an awkward smile, which he returned. She then looked back to watch the barman's movements and exhaled loudly.  
"Rough night?" He found himself asking curiously for some reason.  
"I guess you could say that, Captain"  
"Just call me Steve" He told her, "God knows I could use a little informality tonight"  
"______" She replied properly, offering her hand, "It's really nice to get to meet you. I've researched your story in extensive detail"  
Her eyes widened, and she shook her head.  
"I sound like such a stalker!" She laughed.  
Steve chuckled as well, and smiled at her to show that he had taken no offensive or upset to what she'd said.  
"I've heard of you too" He admitted as he shook her hand, "You have a reputation at SHIELD that somewhat proceeds you"  
"If this is about the time that I broke Ward's arm I can ensure you that-" She started, but he cut her off with a laugh.  
"No, no, I wasn't talking about that incident" He smiled, and her shoulders relaxed with, "Though I have heard it around, and I must say he deserved it. No, I was referring to you being the first person since Agent Barton to surpass the Black Widow in a fight"  
_______ shrugged humbly; "I beat her once in a set of ten rounds. She wiped the floor with me the other nine"  
"Still very impressive" Steve complimented, "I've seen her fight plenty of times. She's very skilled, and dangerous"  
"Ah, she's actually just a giant marshmallow when you get to know her" ______ joked.  
"Marshmallow?" Steve was perplexed.  
"Fluffy. Kind" ______ told him, "Not the heartless assassin they make her out to be"  
"I'll keep that in mind" Steve nodded.  
"Do" _____ said as she watched the bartender return with her drinks, "Just don't tell her I told you"  
Steve laughed, and ordered himself yet another pint once the bartender had deposited ______'s two glasses infront of them.  
"Here" _____ generously slid one drink over the table to him.  
He started to refuse, but she cut him off again;  
"You can buy me one next round. Now, spill"  
"Spill what?" Steve looked confused.  
"Whatever it is that has you gulping down drinks at the bar like they're breaths of air with that sad, smacked puppy look on your face when you should be out there partying with everyone else" She answered, sipping her own drink and watching him with raised brows.  
"It's complicated, long, and a bit too depressing for small talk" He warned.  
She shrugged unaffectedly once again; "Good thing I never really liked small talk anyway"

[END FLASHBACK]

* * *

"So we sat there for the rest of the night, and I poured out my heart and soul to her. I don't know why, she just seemed... Trustworthy. Kind. To be honest, she reminded me of you, Buck. Becoming friends with her with it all a little bit more bearable. I had had no one to talk to properly in the time since I'd been pulled from the ice, and I was hurting so much. She helped me through, showed me how to navigate the world" Steve finished with a small smile.  
Bucky had hung on to every word of the story, and now looked back at you, biting his lip nervously.  
"Did you love eachother?" He finally asked, quietly and apprehensively.  
Steve let out a snort of laughter; "Not in the way you think. We loved eachother as friends, still do. Nothing more than that"  
Bucky nodded, seeming relieved.  
"I know you love her, Bucky" Steve told him softly, "It's obvious"  
Bucky raised beseeching eyes to him once again; "Have I ever loved a girl before? I can't remember"  
"Not as far as I know" Steve shook his head, "And even if you have; Not like this one. I've never seen you love anyone like you love this one"  
Steve waited for Bucky to speak again, but he said nothing. Steve didn't push him. He knew his friend needed time alone with his thoughts.  
Luckily, Steve had been prepared for this exact situation. He returned to the chair opposite Bucky and sat down, picking up the book he'd brought in with him. He flicked to page 237 and began reading where he'd left off.  
There was silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this! Hope you liked it okay! Sorry if there are mistakes... But all this is updated from a mobile phone!
> 
> One last thing: Have you guys heard Little Mix's song "Salute"? I think it's the PERFECT Marvel ladies song, it just reminds me of Nat and Peggy (my two favourite Marvel ladies btw) kicking butt! Give it a listen and tell me if you agree!


	19. Flashbacks II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {"How is she?" Tony looked towards the bed.  
> "She's good. She woke up for a few minutes, then fell back asleep. Poor kid's mentally exhausted"  
> "She's not the only one" Tony murmured, nodding towards Bucky.  
> "Yeah, he's been here all night. Only fell asleep around half an hour ago"  
> "Did you bore him to death with your nonexistent conversational skills?"}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is, Chapter Nineteen. As you guys probably know by now, I have my university entrance exam thingys coming up, so I'm gonna be on my own little hiatus, and probably won't be back until around June 21st.  
> Anyhow, those of you who I talk to on Tumblr, I'm sorry I haven't been replying to messages, I'm just far too busy to check my inbox!  
> And if anyone wants a fic recommendation for a really good Avengers fic (It's actually a WWYFF on Quizilla, but trust me when I say it's AMAZING with an excellent, believable plot and not corny at all) I know (sadly it doesn't include Bucky, just the Avengers team and Loki) message me on Tumblr and I'll get back to you with a link as quickly as possible!
> 
> And for those of you who'll wonder about Clint's singing in this chapter... Look up "Jeremy Renner singing on Jimmy Fallon" on YouTube and you'll know what that was all about ;)

Clint whistled merrily as he strolled into the room, despite it being five in the morning. He watched Bucky's head snap up at the unexpected noise and held up his hands to show that it was only him and he was unarmed.  
"Here for your shift?" Steve closed a book on his lap.  
Even at the other side of the room Clint could make out the words 'Game of Thrones' on the front cover.  
"Doesn't that have a bit too much sex in it for Captain Purity?" He asked with a smirk.  
Steve brushed off his comment; "If there's any change in her condition, you call me. And Natasha. She said she wants to know too"  
"Yes, my liege!" Clint gave him a sweeping bow, and Steve rolled his eyes though there was a small grin on his face.  
"I'll see you later, Buck" The Captain said gently, touching his friend's shoulder.  
"Bye" Bucky grunted.  
Steve gave Clint a friendly thump on the back before disappearing down the corridor and back to his head.  
Clint turned to smile at Bucky, but the man wasn't looking at him.  
"Have you been sitting here all night?" Clint asked with a little bit of concern.  
"Yes" Bucky replied, trying to sound strong and alert.  
Not much got past Clint Barton, though. The archer knew that Barnes was probably absolutely exhausted.  
"Why don't you sleep?" Clint offered.  
"No"  
"Nothing's going to happen to her on my watch. Get some sleep. You're as white as that ugly coat over there" Clint gestured to the doctor's coat hanging on a hook on the door.  
"No" Bucky insisted again, firmly.  
"Alright" Clint shrugged, trying not to grin as a plan formed in his mind, "At least make yourself comfy. You're gonna get a backache"  
"What are you? A mother hen?" Bucky shot back.  
Clint chuckled; "Actually, I'm a Hawk"  
"What?"  
"I'll tell you later"  
"Okay then" Bucky said suspiciously.  
Clint sat down in the chair Steve had left. It was still warm from where the super soldier had sat in it. Clint took out his phone and fiddled with it for a minute.  
Slow music began playing. Bucky looked around again, cocking his head in confusion.  
Softly, Clint began to sing:

"Some folks like to get away,  
Take a holiday from the neighborhood.  
Hop a flight to Miami Beach or to Hollywood.  
But I'm takin' a Greyhound on the Hudson River line"

The archer watched smugly as Bucky's eyes began to close as the soothing sound of Clint's voice washed over him:

"I'm in a New York state of mind.  
I've seen all the movie stars in their fancy cars and their limousines.  
Been high in the Rockies under the evergreens.  
I know what I'm needin', and I don't want to waste more time"

Within moments, he was finally asleep. Clint continued to sing:

"I'm in a New York state of mind"

Then you stirred.

* * *

You rolled, pressing your face into the comfy fabric underneath your head.  
For a minute you didn't know where you were, or even how to open your eyes. You could have sworn that you were simply just back in your bed in your DC apartment, and nothing had ever happened.  
Then you remembered everything. Hydra. Being tortured. BUCKY.  
You shifted in unease as you remembered the agony that had burned through you as you were carried from the Hydra facility. The pain was mostly gone, instead your body just tingled lightly.  
Then you became aware of a noise. A familiar, melodic noise.  
Someone was singing.  
"Clint?" You mumbled, slowly opening your heavy eyes to look around the room.  
"Right here, kiddo" He called at your side.  
You slowly cast your eyes over to your friend.  
"Hey" You breathed.  
"Hey" He smiled softly, reaching out to gently ruffle your hair.  
"Where am I?"  
"You're safe, _____. You're safe" He whispered back to you.  
Dimly, you became aware of one of your hands being trapped in something warm. You turned your head to the side of the bed opposite Clint.  
"Bucky?" You said softly.  
He shifted, but didn't wake up.  
"You should leave him until morning. I've gathered he's been sitting beside your bed not moving for the past six hours. He needs sleep" Clint advised.  
You felt your eyes closing again.  
"Clint, I'm tired" You told him with a yawn.  
"Then go back to sleep, stupid" Clint teased.  
"I've been kidnapped and tortured, are you actually gonna insult me?" You asked in amusement.  
"We always insult eachother, ______, that's why we're such great friends" The archer planted a kiss on your forehead, "Now, sleep"  
You smiled softly at Clint, and then your head slowly fell back onto the pillow, and as you exhaled your eyes closed and you fell back into slumber as Clint began to sing quietly once again.

* * * 

[FLASHBACK]:

"Clint, come to the training room"  
"Hello to you too, Natasha. Yes I am well, thanks. Just got back an hour ag-"  
"TRAINING ROOM"  
"May I ask why?"  
"Yeah. When you're here"  
"You've piped my curiosity. I'm on my way"  
Clint Barton hung up his phone and put it in his pocket before heading towards the training room. He wondered what Natasha wanted. His friend was never usually this urgent without a reason. Infact, she made a noticeable effort to appear cool and nonchalant at all times.  
He navigated through the hordes of people swamping the SHIELD corridors, before finally arriving at his destination. He waited for the security system to scan his retina, before the smoky glass doors slid open. He stepped into the room.  
"Nat, what are you-"  
Something crashed down on him from above, sending him sprawling onto the floor in an instant.  
"Ow!" He yelped as he slammed chest first onto the spongey mat.  
He lay there for a few seconds in a daze. What the hell had just happened...?  
The weight left his back as Natasha rose to her feet over him.  
"And THAT is how you perform an air assassination from thirty feet" He heard her say to someone.  
"Cool!" An unfamiliar voice gasped, "Can I try!?"  
"Eh, NO" Clint said firmly as he pushed himself to his feet and looked at the person who had spoken.  
A girl a bit younger than him sat cross legged on the ground a few metres infront of him, looking awed.  
"Who's this?" He asked Natasha as he brushed himself down.  
He didn't miss the fond smile that the two women shared as Natasha answered;  
"This is _____ _______. My protégé and friend. ______, this is Clint Barton, also known as Hawkeye"  
Clint watched ______ bound energetically to her feet. She walked forward and outstretched a hand.  
"Call me ______. It's an honour to meet you. I've heard many great things about you"  
"Clint. It's good to finally meet Tasha's little bundle of joy who I've been hearing about nonstop in the hour I got back. Your friendship seems to intrigue the other agents to the point of obsession"  
______ and Natasha laughed at that, and Clint grinned.  
"You two should have a chat alone for a while. You're probably gonna be seeing a lot of eachother" Natasha said a little suggestively as she made a beeline for the door.  
Before either of them could say anything, Nat was gone, and they were alone.  
"Is she trying to set us up?" ______ asked after a few seconds.  
Clint shook his head in exasperation; "She does this all the damn time"  
"She's done it to me twice already" _____ admitted with a chuckle.  
"So I'm option number three?" Clint gasped, feigning heartbreak, "Third place? The runner up? The bronze medal?"  
"Looks like it. Maybe she didn't think you'd be able to handle me" ______ joked.  
"I'll have you know I'm very manly. Manly enough to handle anything. Manly enough to be first choice" He protested.  
"You do realize that I just witnessed you get floored by a girl, right?"  
"... She caught me unprepared"  
"Well, are you prepared now?" _____ grinned.  
"For what?" Clint frowned.  
"This"  
The newbie grabbed his arm, threw him over her shoulder, and judo slammed him to the floor.  
"Thanks" He said dryly as she laughed at him looking rumpled and shocked as he lay on the ground.  
"So manly" She choked out between laughs.  
He tried to glare up at her, but he couldn't find it in himself to be mad at her. His face twisted into an amused smirk as she leaned down to help him to his feet.  
"You know what, ______? I think we're gonna be great friends"

[END FLASHBACK]

* * *

"New York State of Mind?" Tony asked as he peered around the door.  
"What else?" Clint grinned at the billionaire.  
"How is she?" Tony looked towards the bed.  
"She's good. She woke up for a few minutes, then fell back asleep. Poor kid's mentally exhausted"  
"She's not the only one" Tony murmured, nodding towards Bucky.  
"Yeah, he's been here all night. Only fell asleep around half an hour ago"  
"Did you bore him to death with your nonexistent conversational skills?"  
"Hardy har har. No, I actually sang to him" Clint chuckled.  
"You sang the Winter Soldier a LULLABY!?" Tony sniggered.  
Clint thought it over for a few seconds before laughing; "I suppose I did. But keep your voice down. You'll wake 'em"  
"Yes, mom"  
"Son, you're grounded"  
"But mooooooom" Tony whined, causing them both to giggle.  
"Why are you here anyway?" Clint said, settling back in the armchair.  
"Checking up on _____. What else?" Tony replied, looking confused.  
"But why? I thought you only helped with the rescue mission as a favour to Steve. I didn't think you'd be getting up early to check on someone who you don't even know"  
"I do know her" Tony told him.  
"What?" Clint was perplexed, "I wasn't aware of that"  
"Well, we're not close. Like at all" Tony admitted, "But she helped me out once, so I just wanted to see how she was doing. She's a nice girl"  
"How did she help you out?" Clint enquired, "If it isn't too personal of course" He added hurriedly.  
"No, it's fine" Tony reassured him, "It happened a few months after the battle with the Chitauri, one of those times when Pepper got fed up walked out..."

* * *

[FLASHBACK]:

"Dammit!" Tony cursed as he smacked into someone when rounding the corner.  
It was his fault. He wasn't aware of how fast he was walking, and his desperate eyes had been trained on the ground. He didn't want any of these SHIELD agents to look into them and see how much he was hurting.  
There was an 'oomf' as he walked straight into the person, and then a flurry of papers raining from the sky as the stack she had been carrying went flying everywhere.  
She almost fell too, but Tony's hand shot out to grab her arm just in time. He let go as soon as she was steady, and looked her up and down.  
She wasn't looking back at him, just staring at the papers all over the floor in dismay.  
"Oh" She said softly as she gazed forlornly at the mess.  
She was a cute little thing.  
"I am SO sorry!" Tony gave her his best womanizing smile and ran his eyes down her body.  
She was wearing a white lab coat with the SHIELD logo imprinted over her left chest. For a second he fantasized that she was wearing JUST the lab coat, but then he noticed the dark skinny jeans on her legs. Damn.  
Still, she was very nice to look at. The perfect distraction.  
Exactly what he needed.  
She was watching him with raised brows.  
"See something you like?" She asked sarcastically, moving to walk past him.  
"Indeed I do" Tony purred, putting his hand against the wall so she couldn't get past, "Though I'd like to see even more..." He trailed off suggestively and winked.  
The girl let out a huffing laugh, and skewered him with incredulous eyes.  
"Do girls ACTUALLY fall for that?" She chuckled.  
Tony felt a bit ruffled at her dismissive tone, but tried his best not to let it show. The last thing he needed was another rejection today.  
'Usually my looks, fame and money are enough to get the girl. Pick-up lines are a last resort" He told her, trying not to grit his teeth.  
"Let me give you some advice" The girl patted his arm in a friendly sort of way, "Get some new lines, or get entirely new last resort"  
She went to leave, but he stopped her; "What kind of lines?" He was curious.  
She looked at him in amusement.  
"You're Tony Stark. Just pay someone to custom build some for you" She joked.  
Tony laughed at that, even though his ego was deflating faster than a balloon that had been punctured.  
"I'm sorry" He said lamely as he stooped and began to help her pick up the papers, "I've been out of the dating game for a while. My girlfriend broke it off today and I guess I'm kinda lost"  
That got the girl's attention, and she looked at him with pitying eyes. She bit her lip indecisively, and looked at the floor. She appeared to be debating something.  
Tony let her think, and just continued to pick up the papers that covered the corridor floor.  
"Do you love her?" The girl asked.  
The lump in Tony's throat throbbed, and he nodded. Pepper's face flashed infront of his mind and his heart ached.  
"Do you want her back?"  
Tony nodded again, not trusting himself to speak.  
"Okay then" The girl said firmly.  
"Okay what?" He was puzzled.  
"I'm gonna help you get her back" The girl announced determinedly.  
Tony looked at her in shock; "Why would you help me? You don't even know me"  
"Beats reassorting this paperwork" The girl shrugged as a small smile curved her lips, "I'm ______, by the way"  
"Tony Stark. But you already knew that" He said, more confidently.  
"Stark?" She looked slightly condescending.  
"What?"  
"Don't get pompous"

[END FLASHBACK]

* * *

"She really put you in your place" Clint smiled fondly.  
"Yeah, she did" Tony agreed, "I'm gonna go get a drink. Want me to bring you back one?"  
"What are you having?"  
"Scotch"  
"At this hour of the morning?"  
"Everytime is scotch time"  
"I guess one couldn't hurt, thanks"  
"No problem, Katniss"  
Clint rolled his eyes as his friend let the room, and settled back down to play Doodle Jump on his phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you. I hope you do well in any exams you have and take care of yourselves...  
> 


	20. Symptoms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {You ran both hands nervously through your hair, casting around for answers to what had just happened.  
> It came to you in almost an instant.  
> "The serum they gave me..." You rasped, "I think it worked..."}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm back ten days earlier... Miss me much? ;) The bulk of my exams are over, but I still have one final one next week so don't expect the next update to be this week!
> 
> Once again; Thank you all for everything. And this one goes out to Ally, who sent me two ADORABLE Winter Soldier and Hawkeye themed bows that now sit proudly on my dresser so I can look at them while I'm writing (Seriously, girl, thank you so freaking much. I ADORE them!)
> 
> Hope you guys are all well. This chapter has a lil' bit of Bucky anger cuz Tony and Clint are very irresponsible and Bucky is somewhat overprotective since the whole torture incident.
> 
> Love you guys lots like jellytots!

Something poked your forehead. Hard.  
"Ow!" You groaned, sitting up and rubbing your face.  
"Oh good. You're alive. We thought you might have been dead. You looked dead" A voice slurred, and you raised your eyes up to Tony Stark.  
The billionaire was standing beside your bed, bottle of drink in one hand and swaying slightly. Beside him, Clint was sitting on a chair. The archer's eyes were glazed, and there was a goofy smile on his face.  
"Are you two drinking?" You asked groggily, shocked.  
"Jus' a lil' bih" Clint said, intoxication making his words stick together and bringing out his drawl.  
You stared at them. He then let out a loud cackling laugh, which was joined in on by Tony.  
"What's going on!?" Bucky snapped as he jerked awake at the noise.  
He shook his head to clear his thoughts, long dark hair fanning around his face, and peered at you and the other two men.  
When your gazes locked the world narrowed down to just the two of you.  
"Hey" You said softly, staring at him.  
"Hey" He breathed in reply, wonder evident on his face.  
He reached out one hand to brush a hand lightly across your cheek, and the familiar touch of his fingertips sent warmth racing through your body. You shivered.  
"I-" You began quietly, but were cut off by Tony suddenly losing his balance and slamming face first onto the ground between your bed and Bucky's chair.   
"What the hell!?" Bucky snapped angrily as Tony let out a moan of pain and Clint fell around the place laughing.  
"This really wasn't the reunion that I was expecting" You commented dryly.  
Just then the door opened and a man that you didn't really recognise walked into the room.  
"Hawk, I'm here for my sh..." He trailed off and curiously surveyed the scene infront of him.  
"Hi" You said, unsure of what else to say.  
"Hello" He replied slowly, giving you a smile, "You're awake"  
"Indeed I am" You agreed, "Though may I ask who you are?"  
You weren't bothered to wrack your brain searching for a clue to his identity. Your mind was still exhaustedly numb, and you didn't exactly want to think anyway.  
"Sam Wilson. Steve's friend. I'd better go get him and Natasha" He called over his shoulder as he disappeared out of the room.  
You turned back to watch Bucky pulling Tony to his feet, while Clint struggled futilely to get enough control over himself to get off the armchair.  
"When did you start drinking!?" Bucky demanded, radiating anger, "Do you know how dangerous that is!? Are you both idiots!? What if something happened and _____ needed help!? What would you have done then!?"  
He snatched the bottle of alcohol from Tony's hands, and hurled it against the wall at the other side of the room. It shattered on impact, raining bits of glass down onto the floor.  
You cringed away from the violence in fear. Images and sensations burst through and began to run across your mind.  
Ropes on your hands.  
The prick of the needle against your skin.  
Burning, fiery, agony.  
You let out a small whimper of fear, but Bucky didn't hear. He had Tony by the front of his shirt and was shaking him, shouting into his face. Even though Tony looked pretty unperturbed, you started to tremble.  
Bucky was screaming now. As his voice rose the images came faster. Your hands were clamped over your ears and you were rocking back and forth. You felt yourself begin to fracture as the walls between the past and the present blurred and crumbled before you.  
Distant, muffled yelling reached you, and you realized that it was you crying out this time. You couldn't stop. You weren't even speaking proper, coherent words.  
Bucky dropped Tony and rushed towards you, but someone else was faster.  
Arms wrapped around you. Slim, comforting arms as someone slid onto the bed beside you and pulled you into their chest. Someone was holding you together, stopping the pieces of you from breaking apart.   
You grabbed the arms so tightly that your nails dug into skin, but the person didn't cry out or pull away. Your face felt hot and wet, and you knew you were crying. Your vision was blocked out by tears, but slowly you became aware of someone whispering reassurances into your ear as they held you tightly.  
"Tasha?" You croaked, shifting to look up at your best friend's face.  
"I'm here, _____. I'm here" She told you softly.  
You started crying even harder. Loud, messy sobs.  
"I can feel it. It hurts" You choked.  
"It's okay. You're safe now" She whispered.  
You gulped, and nodded, trying your best to believe her. After awhile your cries died down, but she continued to rock you gently.

* * *

"Sorry" You said eventually as you disentangled yourself from Natasha's arms and looked up at the others.  
They were all gathered around the bed:  
Steve, with a grim frown on his face.  
Sam, who looked confused and concerned.  
Clint and Tony, who appeared to have sobered up drastically, and now had serious faces on.   
Bucky stood helplessly beside you, clenching and unclenching his fists as unreadable expressions washed across his face.  
Your gaze lingered on him the longest before turning to another man. You vaguely recognized him from SHIELD's files.  
"Doctor Banner?" You asked tentatively.  
He nodded, offering you a hand; "Please. Call me Bruce"  
"Nice to meet you" You said a little shakily, not due to fear of him, but because you were still trembling slightly.  
"What was that?" Steve wondered quietly.  
"I'm no psychologist" Bruce said nervously, "But it's highly possible that ______ has PTSD"  
"What's that!?" Bucky demanded.  
"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder" Bruce answered, "You may know it as shell-shock"   
"How do we get rid of it?" You asked in a tiny voice.  
"Therapy" Steve replied, "I had it. I can give you the name of the therapist Fury sent me to"  
"I don't want a therapist" You said quietly.  
"_____, it'll help you" Steve told you gently, "You'll have someone you can talk to about anything"  
"I can talk to NATASHA about anything" You tried to ignore the slightly petulant, childish tone in your voice, "If that doesn't work I'll go to the therapist. But I don't want to be on my own with a stranger"  
"You won't be" Nat swore, and hugged you again.  
You raised a hand to massage your throat.  
"Could somebody get me some water?" You asked, changing the subject, "I'm parched"  
"Sure thing" Steve said, and took off quickly.  
You looked at the rest of them.  
"Could you boys wait outside? I want to get dressed... I need to get out if these clothes"   
They nodded, and trooped out of the room one after the other. Bucky paused at the door and looked back at you, his mouth working as if he was going to say something. You waited, but nothing came.  
"I'll talk to you later" You called after him softly, and he gave you a brief sad smile, and then left.  
You sighed and got up shakily, holding onto the bedframe for support. Natasha held your shoulders to balance you, and guided you across to the plastic chair by the chest of drawers in the room's corner.  
"Here" She said, opening the drawers and pulling out some clothes, "I brought these down here last night. I figured you might need them"  
"Thanks" You replied gratefully, before slowly pulling your t-shirt over your head.  
"Ouch" She winced sympathetically when she saw the bruises on your arm.  
Wanting to see the full extent of the damage to your body, you got up and shuffled over to the large mirror that ran along two metres of wall. When you got to it, you froze.  
There was something different about you.  
Your eyes roved over your reflection, and your brows furrowed. There were definitely changes in your appearance. Small changes, barely noticeable to others, but they were there.  
Your eyes were bright, their natural colour almost enhanced to something more. The colour in them was more intense, stronger.  
Your hair colour had changed slightly also. It was it's original colour, and yet richer, deeper. Like something from a magazine. Highlights ran through it, glinting in the med ward's lighting.  
Your skin had lost it's sallow, unhealthy look, and was now clear and glowing.  
You moved your shoulders experimentally, shrugging them. You couldn't remember if your body had ever felt this vibrant and healthy before, despite being absolutely mentally exhausted.  
Suddenly, the door opened and the doctor walked back into the room. As he stepped over the threshold he slipped, probably on some alcohol that Tony and Clint had spilled. His arms windmilled in the air, and he began to fall back. He was around twenty feet away from you, and you knew you'd never be able to get to him in time, but you moved forward anyway.  
And that's when it happened.  
The world seemed to warp and bend around you, stretching out like an elastic band being pulled back. His fall slowed down, until he was barely moving. You shot forward like an arrow from a bow, grabbing his arm and yanking him back onto his feet.  
The world snapped back to normal speed, leaving you reeling and feeling slightly dizzy.  
"What was that!?" Natasha yelped as she ran to support you as your legs gave out and you sunk to your knees.  
Your heart was pounding so loud in your chest that you couldn't barely hear it, and adrenaline raced through your veins.  
"I-I don't know" The doctor sounded confused and shaken.  
"_____, how did you do that?" She asked, peering into your eyes.  
"I don't know" You breathed, "What just happened?"  
"He was falling, and you caught him. You BLURRED forward or something. I've only ever seen Thor move faster!"  
You ran both hands nervously through your hair, casting around for answers to what had just happened.  
It came to you in almost an instant.  
"The serum they gave me..." You rasped, "I think it worked..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. I gave us superpowers. DEAL-WIV-IT.
> 
> (Though they're slightly different from Steve's and Bucky's due to changes in the formula over time)


	21. Dwellings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {Are you mad at me?" He continued, a pained note creeping into his voice, "Do you blame me for what happened to you? It's okay if you do. I blame myself. I should have gotten YOU out of there. Not the other way around"  
> Words were pouring out of him, fast and bitter, and you were way too shocked to stop him.  
> "And now you're stuck running from them from the rest of your life. Stuck with what they did to you" His right hand was gripping his mug tightly, the metal one scrunched into a fist. You were afraid that if he got any more upset he might shatter the cup.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect to have this up so soon, but I'm in the car coming back from a rather long journey so I decided that I may as well write it because it sure beats staring out a window for three hours.
> 
> Let me know what you think; I kinda feel that I haven't been up to my usual writing standard recently, and I'm sorry about that :/ I hope this is okay!
> 
> Love you all x

"Can I put my shirt back on?" You asked Bruce after he finished examining you.  
The scientist's face coloured slightly at the question, and he nodded hastily. You grabbed the black top and pulled it over your head.  
Just in time too, for at that moment Tony walked into the lab.  
"Got the sample?" He looked at his friend.  
Bruce answered him by holding up the needle containing your blood. Tony gave you a small smile which you returned timidly.  
"Thank you for coming to get me" You said seriously, "You took a great risk. I can never repay you"  
Tony waved his hand dismissively; "You helped me get Pepper back, and she's the one thing that can't live without. We're almost even now"  
You walked over and hesitated before giving him a hug. His arms wrapped around you and he squeezed you back fondly. You thought that your earlier opinion of him being flirty and immature was less true than you'd thought. Tony Stark was a lot more of a man than you had given him credit for.  
"I got Jarvis to cancel your bank account and move your money into a bunch of different new ones under different names. We don't want Hydra tracking you through credit card purchases" He murmured into your ear as he reached into his back pocket and withdrew a brown package.  
"What's this?" You enquired, stepping back from him and taking it in your hands.  
"It has all your new credits cards, passwords, statements and forms for you to get by in the next few months. It should somewhat help in keeping you hidden"  
You looked up at him, "But they probably already know I'm here with you all"  
"Steve's adamant that neither of you stay here in Stark Tower for longer than necessary. We're going to get you an apartment in the city. Someone nearby enough for us all to get there quickly if something goes wrong, but someplace far enough that they won't find you if they come here"  
"Neither of us?"  
"What?"  
"You said that Steve was adamant that 'neither of us' stay here. Who did he mean by that?"  
Tony gave you an incredulous look; "Haven't you guessed?"  
You actually had, but you didn't want to say it aloud to give yourself false hope.  
Just incase it was wrong.  
"Frosty over there" Tony answered, jerking his thumb at Bucky, who had just appeared in the doorway.  
You had no idea how he'd know Bucky was there, as you were facing the doorway and Tony had his back to it.  
"_____..." Bucky said, ignoring Tony and Bruce and staring straight at you, "Would you like to go for a walk?"

* * *

"I don't know if we should be going out" You told him nervously as you walked out the front door of Stark Tower and onto the busy streets of New York.  
"Relax. It'll be fine"  
He had pulled a hoodie on to hide his metal arm, and the hood was tilted over his face. You pulled Pepper's trenchcoat around yourself and shivered.  
"Cold?" He asked worriedly.  
"Nah" You replied, "I just think rain's icky"  
A small smile crossed his face but it vanished within a few seconds. You fell silent just after that, jumbled thoughts swirling through your mind. You had been dreading this talk since you woke up yesterday.  
Was he mad? Did he hate you for tricking him? Every time he was in the room with you you had watched him closely for signs, but his expression was locked up so tight that you couldn't read anything.  
"Bucky, I-" You began, but he stopped you.  
"Not now. In here" He grabbed your elbow and led you into a small, quiet café.  
It was dimly lit but spacious. An old juke box sat in the corner, and while the brick walls were cracked, the place itself was spotless. You followed Bucky as he approached the wizened old woman at the counter.  
"Drink?" Bucky said as he rested his gloved hands on the countertop and looked at you over his shoulder.  
"Mocha, please" You smiled at the old woman and she gave you a toothless grin back.  
"I'll have an Americano, thank you" Bucky told her, and she mumbled something before shuffling off.  
"Americano. How patriotic. Steve would be proud" You tried to joke, but he just looked at you.  
You sighed, and began to fumble with the clasp on your shoulder bag to retrieve some money.  
"What are you doing?" He asked after a few minutes of watching you in silence.  
"Getting money to pay" You told him, pulling some cash from the depth of your purse.  
"It's alright. I've got it" He turned back and pulled some green notes out of his pocket.  
"Where did that come from?" You watched in confusion as he handed the money to the woman as she slid the tray over the counter infront of him.  
"Steve" He shrugged.  
Of course.  
"At least let me pay you back" You protested, but he shook his head and picked up the tray.  
Taking long strides strides so that you were forced to hurry after him, he carried the tray over to a booth in the corner, far from the door. His focus was solely on the coffees as he tried not to spill them. He set them down on the dark coloured table and slid into his seat. You took the one opposite him, the leather squeaking as you sat down.  
There was a few moments of more than just the average tense silence as he stared at you, and you studied your coffee with greater interest than it actually warranted.  
"You've been avoiding me" He said quietly.  
It was true. You had been.  
"Are you mad at me?" He continued, a pained note creeping into his voice, "Do you blame me for what happened to you? It's okay if you do. I blame myself. I should have gotten YOU out of there. Not the other way around"  
Words were pouring out of him, fast and bitter, and you were way too shocked to stop him.  
"And now you're stuck running from them from the rest of your life. Stuck with what they did to you" His right hand was gripping his mug tightly, the metal one scrunched into a fist. You were afraid that if he got any more upset he might shatter the cup.  
"I don't blame you" You cried, "Christ, Bucky! Why would you even think that!?"  
"I failed you" He said miserably, "I left"  
"I made you leave" You reached across the table and slid both of your hands up each of his arms grip him tightly, "Stop this. What I did was my decision. My choice alone. What happened to me as a result of that was a price I was willing to pay"  
He was breathing heavily, and you suddenly realized he was trembling. You felt the familiar burn in your eyes and blinked back tears. You took a deep breath to collect yourself, closing your eyes. When the risk of you crying was over, you opened them again and gave his arms a gentle squeeze.  
"When I went to do what I did, I didn't expect to get out of it. I didn't think I would live. It's because of you that I'm standing here. The only thing that you could be held accountable for is saving my life. In more ways than you know" You finished softly.  
His eyes were on your hands, and he slowly unclenched his metal hand to press his cool palm flat against yours. You held them like that for a few seconds, before turning your hand slightly clockwise and interlocking your fingers.  
"I could never leave you" He murmured, "You're the most important thing I've ever had"  
You coloured slightly and bit the inside if your cheek to stop a goofy smile from splitting your face. There was so many things you wanted to say to that. So many things you could say.  
But you couldn't say them. Soon you would, but not just yet. This was the moment for the unsaid. Those three little words that were stuck in your throat would have to wait for a more peaceful, calm time. And besides, you didn't know if he felt the same way. You couldn't risk ruining your friendship. Not just yet.  
But you had to be near him. He had been all you had to rely on in that cell, the person who you turned to for the slightest comfort, and bonds like that don't just fade away. So you got up from your spot, and he watched with curious eyes as you crossed the small space between the seats in the booths, and slid down next to him. Lifting his arm, you positioned it around your shoulder and then leaned up to brush your lips across his cheek before snuggling into his side. His cheek wasn't where you truly had wanted your lips to land, but for now you were content enough.  
He stared at you with darkened, focused eyes. They seared through you and you had to turn your gaze away.  
"Your coffee's getting cold" You told him quietly, picking up your own and taking a sip.

* * *

There was a welcome party waiting to greet you both in the foyer of Stark Tower. A very pissed-off welcome party.  
To be honest, 'angry mob' would have been a better description.  
Apparently the Mother Bears Steve and Natasha did not think that two genetically modified superhumans would be able to take care of themselves in a busy city in broad daylight.  
"Who's irresponsible now?" Clint had whispered to Bucky slyly as he, Tony, Bruce and Sam had left twenty-five minutes into the biggest lecture you'd ever had in your life.  
When Bucky tried to take most of the blame by saying it was his idea, you had stopped him. You pointed out that you were just as much to blame as you had gone along with it. So you stood resolutely, shoulder to shoulder with Bucky as Steve and Nat ranted. By the time it ended you had begun to wish you had taken the escape clause when he had offered it, but that thought was erased instantly as soon as Bucky had glanced down at you and given you a proud grin and a conspiratorial wink as you headed for the elevators.  
{Captain Rogers?} Jarvis's voice cut through the tinkly music as the door's slid closed and the lift began to rise into the air.  
"Yes?"  
{Mr Stark requests that you and Miss Romanoff please escort Mr Barnes and Miss _____ to the main living room as he would like to show them several choices of accommodation he has found}  
"Of course, Jarvis"  
You gazed at the floor and bit your lip to keep from smiling. After weeks of capture and fear, you were really looking forward to something as tedious and normal as apartment hunting.  
A few minutes later the elevator door 'pinged' and the iron doors slid open. You stepped out into the open living room of Stark Tower, the view from the floor to ceiling windows immediately catching your eye. Eventually you tore your eyes away it and searched the room. They then fastened on Tony. The billionaire was beckoning you over to where he stood infront of many different holographic screens, each displaying a different apartment.  
"All within four blocks of here. All within your price range" He stepped back and gestured for you to take his place.  
You moved forward, Bucky following at your heels. Tony began to give you a lesson on how to work the system, and you learned quickly.  
"This is amazing, Stark" Bucky piped up.  
Tony shrugged; "You've been brainwashed for the past seventy years. I'd say even twerking is new and amazing to you"  
There was a loud spluttering sound behind you as Sam Wilson entered the room, and subsequently choked on his coffee when he heard what Tony said. As the sound of him coughing, and Steve beating him on the back filled the air, you turned back to Tony.  
"Do you think we could make arrangements to go to view any of them" You asked hopefully.  
Tony looked regretful and shook his head; "The less people that see you two; The better. They'll know that we brought you here, and if you're not gone by the time they send someone to check; They'll come for you immediately. If they don't know where you are they'll have no choice but to keep on searching. So you have one hour to decide, and after that inform me of your choice. I have a team of lawyers ready, and they can get you the apartment in a matter of hours"  
You smiled at him; "You're a good man, Tony Stark. And a very powerful one"  
"The perks of having money" He grinned at you, and then clapped his hands twice, "Now hop to it" He spun on his heel and motioned for the others to follow him as he began to leave you and Bucky to decide in peace.  
You happily gazed up into the handsome face of the tall man next to you.  
"So, Buck, where shall we choose to live" You asked giddily, taking his hand and squeezing it.  
Before he could reply, Tony called out over his shoulder; "Anywhere on that list that you want, but after this Frosty is getting a goddamn haircut"


	22. Moving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {"Well maybe if you got up off your lazy ass and helped than maybe we'd be done by now!" Bucky snapped.  
> Unaffected by his harsh tone, you just shrugged. You knew he wasn't really mad at you, just the stubborn sofa.  
> "Talking about ass" You grinned, making a show of checking out Steve's rear as he strained to lift the sofa again, "This view isn't too bad at all. Squat down again for me, Cap"}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys. I started a new story and have spent the past week trying to get it up and running, so I kinda neglected Winter's Thaw. I have just spent three solid hours writing and rewriting this chapter. I really really really hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Updates are gonna be once every week from now on, seeing as I have a Sherlock X Reader story to write aswell, and also I have to give some time to Avengers Oneshots.
> 
> I have written out a total summary of what happens in each chapter, and if I don't decide to combine or split any chapter, Winter's Thaw should have 35 chapters in total.
> 
> I hope you're all well, thank you for all the kudos, comments, subscriptions and bookmarks. Special thanks to Ally and Amna for their supportive messgaes during my exams, and just checking up on me in general. You guys rock!
> 
> Also, anyone of you see Sebby in Philly? I would literally cry. Those are some lucky people who got to behold His Gorgeousness in person!

You were sitting on the counter, legs crossed casually and munching on a fresh blueberry muffin as you watched the men try carrying the sofa through the apartment's front door. It was a nice sofa, expensive black leather and large enough to comfortably seat six or seven people. You and Natasha had picked it out of one of the many designer catalogues she'd lugged over when you decided the new apartment was too sparse, and needed more furniture than what you'd first ordered online.

Your living room and kitchen were combined into one large, sun-lit area. Thee door were at the far end; One to your room, one to Bucky's room, and one to the main bathroom. Luckily, the main bathroom was not the only one in the apartment, both bedrooms were ensuite. When you first arrived after you'd rented it you'd be afraid that there'd be only one bathroom, as the internet advert hadn't mentioned how many there were. The only reason for your worry was a niggle of fear that Bucky might walk in on you in the shower, if the door didn't have a lock on it. Or even worse; You were fearful that _you_ would walk in on _him_ in the shower. In the cell room, you'd never indulged in such little anxieties like this, you had much bigger problems, but right now your main fear was your ever-growing feelings for Bucky, and how he'd react to them if you told him, or if he figured it out. 

And a good way to cop onto your feelings was if you walked in on him naked and stood there with your mouth hanging open like a fish. And quite possibly drooled.

A sudden curse jolted you out of your thoughts, and the edge of the sofa jammed into the wall and Steve and Bucky almost lost their grips on it. You snickered quietly, and continued watching.

Either of them could have benchpressed the sofa with one hand, but they needed eachother to manoeuvre it down the corridor and around the corners. Right now however, they needed eachother to move it into the apartment. It was simply too wide to fit in, and needed to be turned on it's side. The result was highly amusing as they got more and more frustrated the longer it took them. Sam was standing at the side, trying to tell them how to lift it. He was getting just as agitated as the other two were, even though he was only giving instructions. You couldn't see Steve's face, he had his back to you, but you could hear the irritation in his voice everytime he told Bucky to  _lift it higher and now turn it a little._ As for Bucky; You could just see him over Steve's shoulder standing out in the hall, annoyance plain on his face as he began to lose his temper and impatiently try to ram the too-large sofa through the doorframe, almost breaking the wall in the process.

You smiled to yourself and delved into creating a mental checklist of various jobs that they could do for your own amusement.

 

_Superheros: Check_

_Pro-wrestlers: Check_

_Armani models: Double check_

_Furniture movers: Not no, but hell no_

 

You snorted at the thought, and then dismissed it.

"If I'd know you guys were gonna take so long, I'd have got you to bring in the new TV first" You remarked dryly.

"Well maybe if you got up off your lazy ass and helped than maybe we'd be done by now!" Bucky snapped.

Unaffected by his harsh tone, you just shrugged. You knew he wasn't really mad at you, just the stubborn sofa.

"Talking about ass" You grinned, making a show of checking out Steve's rear as he strained to lift the sofa again, "This view isn't too bad at all. Squat down again for me, Cap"

There was around fifteen seconds of shocked silence that followed after you made your joke were Steve's reddened face swivelled around to stare at you in horror before Bucky and Sam lost their cool. Steve's face only burned brighter as they laughed, which made him blush even more. Bucky ended up having to drop the sofa and clutch his stomach at the now tomato coloured super-soldier. You laughed along with them, bumping fists with Sam as he staggered over for a knuckle touch. Steve just mock-glared at you, shook his head in exaggerated disapproval, and mouthed, "Evil!"

You just grinned and jumped off the counter, turning to fill a glass of water before striding away from them. You still had some unpacking to do in your room, and you supposed you better get it done now.

"Where are you going?" Bucky called after you as you went to kick the door to your room closed with your heel.

"My room. The total lack of normal manly skills such a furniture moving in the three of you is severely upsetting" You called over your shoulder before the door closed.

 

* * *

 

You jolted awake in your bed, heart pounding and images flashing through your mind. You could still feel the sting of the needle against your skin. Automatically, you listened for the sound of Bucky's breathing. It was something you did without question, a habit formed from those weeks of you and him only having eachother to cling to. It was calming, it made you feel less alone. Your ears strained, but you couldn't hear it. Then you remembered Bucky was asleep in the next room, and you were in your room in the new apartment. Clutching the blankets tighter to your shuddering chest, you tried to calm your erratic breathing. 

It did no good. You still wanted to curl up into a ball and shut yourself off from the world.

Not able to just lie there anymore for fear that someone would come looming out of the shadows at you, you kicked the twisted sheets off your legs and sat at the edge of the bed to slide your slippers on. Sliding into your dressing gown, you rose and made your way to the window. You reached out an unsteady hand and tugged back the curtains to look out onto the street below.

Cars were passing by, mostly taxis. This was New York, after all. You'd been told that very few people actually drove here. It may not have been true, you could have just picked a moment where there was mostly taxis to look out the window, but right now it was really living up to what you'd heard. There's was people too, walking down the pavement, linked arms and smiles, some on phones. You thought that people-watching may help calm your frayed nerves, they had always done so in the past. But they didn't anymore. In fact, they just made it worse.

_How were they all acting so ordinary?_

_How could nobody even know how fucked up you felt?_

You let the curtain fall back, panting slightly as another wave of panic swept over you.

_They won't stop until they find you._

_What if they did it to you again?_

Emitting a low whimper of fear, your hand fell to rub over the spot the needle had made on your opposite arm. Gritting your teeth, you desperately tried to push away the painful memories that swamped your mind. Your feet began moving off their own accord, and you were staggering towards your bedroom door. You had to see him, you had to have him hold you and tell you it was alright. Nothing else would help. 

As you wrenched open the door to your bedroom and stepped into the living room, you were greeted with the soft glow of the TV. You moved forward slowly, soft murmurs reaching your ears as two characters bickered with one another. You could just make out Bucky's head against the back of the sofa. 

"What are you doing up?" You asked, and he jumped in shock, turning to look at you with wide eyes.

"Couldn't sleep" He replied, taking in your dishevelled appearance, "What about you?"

"Nightmare" You admitted, trying to seem nonchalant.

His worried gaze swept over you again, and you felt your lower lip tremble as you saw the concern on his face.

"What about?" He pressed gently.

You swallowed heavily, and stared intently at the white tiles below your feet; "About when they... You know" You finished, feeling yourself choking on the words towards the end.

He appeared troubled as he regarded you; "Look, if you won't see a therapist than you need to talk to Natasha about all of this quickly. I hate seeing you like this"

That made a small smile find it's way onto your face, and you decided to change the subject.

"Can I join you?" You indicated at the sofa.

"Of course" He snorted, "Don't be absurd, it's not just my house"

You didn't answer, just made your way around and sat down heavily a bit away from him. You would have loved to be closer, but you didn't want to crowd him. You glanced at him as you shifted around to get comfortable and noticed he had a thick blanket draped across his legs. You wished you'd thought of that, it was slightly chilly in here when you were wearing just your dressing gown. Bucky obviously saw your longing stare, because he chuckled, and reached over. His hands gently touched either side of your waist, and he pulled you into his side, draping an arm around your shoulders. Sighing in bliss, you slumped into his chest, cuddling in and inhaling his scent. His nearness soon had all the negative emotions you felt draining away. The tension faded from your shoulders and you felt yourself relaxing into him, your fist clutching his t-shirt. A sudden tiny weight on your shoulders showed that he'd gently draped the blanket around you as well, and then tugged you even closer. 

"Thank you" You murmured, raising a head from his chest to gaze up at him.

His handsome face smiled down at you tenderly. You thought he might say something, he opened his mouth as if he was going to. Instead he just leaned forward to press a kiss to your forehead.

Involuntarily, you shivered as goosebumps broke over your skin at his touch. He felt your reaction, as he drew back to eye you in confusion. You stared at him, he stared back.

In that moment everything seemed to fade away. The apartment, the TV, the world around you. There was nothing you could think of except him. He was in every thought, every idea that came into your head. The moment was timeless, hypnotic. Everywhere that he touched you had your skin tingling and begging for more. You became very aware of your hand still on his chest, and dragged your eyes down to it. Unclenching, you slowly laid your palm flat over the hard, muscled area above his heart. You could feel how fast it was pounding. His metal hand slowly slid up to cover yours. You feared he might remove it, but he just held it there, lacing his fingers through yours. 

Hardly daring to believe, you raised your eyes to his once more. His deep blue eyes were intense, but not piercing. There was something clouding them, some emotion softening them. You reached up your other hand to touch his face. You trailed your fingers down his cheek, marvelling at the small rise of stubble.

Closing his eyes, he breathed something. It took you a few seconds to realize that it was your name. 

His metal hand moved up to tilt your chin upwards, angling your face towards his.

His tongue darted out to nervously lick his lips. You were aware of how your eyes hungrily followed the movement, but you had no power to stop them.

"Bucky" You almost moaned, your voice filled with yearning.

The sound of his name coming from your lips had his eyes lighting up like a wildfire as passion burned through him. Without any warning, his grip on your chin tightened and he jerked your mouth towards his.

Your lips met and you almost gasped at how amazing it was. You found yourself cupping his face, and his arms lifted you onto his lap so you straddled him. You opened your mouth to him, the kiss deepening as his tongue began to explore your mouth. His hands roamed through your hair, and you found yourself wishing that he hadn't cut his, it would have been nice to grab onto. You trailed your fingers down his chest to grab onto the neck of his t-shirt and yank him closer. His hands fell to your rear, moving you closer so you were pressed flush against him. His mouth left yours and began to trail down your neck, nipping and kissing. 

"For a guy who hasn't done this in seventy years, you sure are good. Have a secret twenty-first century girlfriend you've been practising with?" You joked, trying not to moan with how he was making you feel.

"Shut up" He growled roughly, raising his eyes to meet yours.

You saw them both in there, Bucky and the Winter Soldier. It was apparent in how he looked at you with such possessive lust. But you didn't care. Why would you? The Winter Soldier was apart of him, and had been apart of him when you fell in love with him. Instead you just leaned forward and brushed your lips over his again, allowing your tongue to play against his.

When you eventually broke away away you were breathing heavily. His lips looked all bruised from kissing, and you had the feeling you looked the same.

"Well..." He said, smirking slightly.

You went to reply, but instead yawned in his face.

Your hands immediately flew to your mouth in embarrassment and horror. You stared at him, desperately hoping that he wouldn't be offended. He didn't seem offended, instead just gave you a look filled with so much warmth that it could have melted snow.

"You need to go to bed" He told you, smiling.

"I'm okay" You protested, cursing yourself.

"No, you need sleep" He insisted, moving you off him to stand up.

You found yourself clinging to one of his hands, never wanting to let go. You figured he would just help you upright, but he surprised you yet again by stooping down to pick you in in his arms. Cradling you into his body, and staring down, he carried you to your room in silence. He sat down on the edge of the bed to place you inside it, and settled the sheets over you even though you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself. When he was done he just sat and held your gaze for a few minutes, rubbing his fingers against yours as your hands twisted together.

"Goodnight, _____" He said eventually, leaning forward to kiss you on the forehead yet again.

You were having none of it, and grabbed his t-shirt to yank his face down to yours. You planted another kiss on his lips, and he responded for a few minutes. When he finally drew away he was on all fours, hovering over you on the bed.

"Not tonight" He said ruefully as you started to pull the hem of his t-shirt up.

You pouted, but didn't argue. Another night.

You could wait.

"Goodnight again, ______" He murmured, giving you one last, simple kiss.

"Goodnight Bucky" You whispered as he stood and made his way from the room, pausing before closing the door to give you one final, loving look.

The door closed and you let your head slump back onto the pillows, barely believing what had just happened. Your fingers touched your lips, and you found yourself smiling into the darkness.

You had the feeling that you'd sleep well tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY! I know right!? I had actually planned the first kiss to be in chapter twenty eight, but when I was writing this one it just seemed to fit in! ... And I thought it cruel to make you all wait much longer. I hope you agree, and I hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> Let me know in the comments?
> 
> (Sorry if there are any mistakes, I'll fix 'em later, I was out last night and I'm exhausted right now, so my brain is as fuzzy as a baby rabbit)


	23. Interruption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {His hands began to tug at your tank top, showing that he wanted that off as well. You obliged, pulling it over your head and letting it fall to the ground beside the bed. He leaned back down to you, fingers stroking over the bare skin of your body. You felt your eyes close as the lust stirred up once again.  
> That was when his mouth began to trail down your body, past your collarbone, over your chest. You writhed underneath his touch, wanted more. So much more...  
> BANG BANG BANG BANG!}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Creeps back into the room and waves awkwardly* Hey, guys. So I know I'm only like two days late on posting, but I'll offer you an explanation anyway. On Sunday we had a bit of an accident in our house: My younger brother managed to split his head open, and had to go to the hospital. He's fine now, just had to have stitches, but it was scary at the time and I was out of the house for most of the day. and yesterday I was just too damn lazy, and I started a 'The Hangover' fic which I wanted to do a few chapters of.
> 
> So if you like the Hangover movies, feel free to take a look!
> 
> This chapter is kinda short, but when I looked at my notes for this chapter, all I had written was "Training with Steve" and when I wrote it out, it didn't seem like too much of a chapter, so I had to improvise and add the scene back at the apartment. Hopefully you'll like the improvisation?
> 
> So, let me know what you think. Thank you for all the kudos, comments, bookmarks and subscriptions. You guys are the best. Special thanks to Ally, Amna, and Shadow as well for your lovely Tumblr messages. You guys' constant encouragement and lovely compliments really do boost my morale :) and if any of the rest of you want to have a conversation with me, do feel free to send me a message on Tumblr. Not one of you could ever annoy me, and I swear I don't bite :)

"Again" You growled, picking yourself up off the floor and staggering back into a fighting stance.

Your arms arched and you felt bruises forming on your body, but you were far too angry to even care.

"______, are you sure?" Steve asked uncertainty, brushing his gloved hands hands against his sides.

"Yep" You snapped, bopping on the spot in preparation for lunging at him.

He looked upset and un-eager to continue the training. It was probably due to the fact that he slammed you down onto the matt the last seven times in a row, and felt overwhelmingly guilty about it every time. But you were too annoyed to even care the slightest bit, even though your body would probably hate you for it tomorrow. As it turned out, you weren't as fast as Natasha had first thought. You were faster than the average human, yes, but only slightly quicker than Steve and Bucky. You also outmatched the average human in terms of physical strength, but Bucky and Steve were still a little bit stronger than you. it made you very even-matched, but you had been losing so much because your head was away in the clouds. Grey, storm coloured clouds, to be precise. Bruce had speculated the whole world-slowing-down thing when you had stopped the doctor from falling was probably just a side effect of the drugs thaey had pumped into your system, as you hadn't had time to rid yourself of them yet.

Steve looked doubtful, but moved forward again. You dodged a blow from his boxing gloves, and and launched yourself high into the air. You managed to plant both of your feet on his chest and push back, kicking him away from you. He fell back onto the ground in a heap of arms and legs, and you landed upright infront of him.

"Finally" You growled, offering him a hand.

"Look, can I just ask what has you so wound up?" He let you help him to his feet.

"Nothing" You replied firmly, not meeting his eyes.

"______" Steve pressed gently, looking at you through summer blue eyes, "I only want to help"

You stared up at the ceiling, biting the inside of your cheek. It was something that you always did when you were stressed and upset. You could see the clear sky above through the skylight over your head. It seemed like a nice day out. You should go and get an ice-cream later.

"______" Steve called again softly, drawing your attention back to him, "Tell me what's up"

You could trust Steve, you knew that. But it was hard to choke the words out.

Scuffing your shoe on the wooden floor below, you mumbled; "It's Bucky"

"What about him?" Steve asked without missing a beat.

"He's been acting... Weird towards me" You admitted.

"You mean, since the kiss?" Steve said gently.

Your head snapped up and you stared at him in shock; "You know about that!?"

"Yeah" Steve was beginning to look uncomfortable; "He, um, told me"

"Well that's just dandy" You groaned, "He'll talk to you about it, but he won't talk to me. Every time I try to bring it up he basically scurries from the room. Am I that _terrifying_?" The last word was wailed slightly.

"Oh course not!" Steve laid a reassuring hand on your shoulder, "But, you have to look at it from his perspective"

You gazed at him curiously from under your lashes, waiting for him to continue.

"He's spent the past seventy years as a brainwashed assassin, and he's still kind of unstable now" Steve explained patiently, "What part of that do you think screams 'boyfriend material'?"

You shrugged glumly, not knowing how else to answer.

"He knows he's not all there, and he really cares about you. He doesn't want to burden you with all his issues, or run the risk of letting himself go in the heat of the moment when he's with you, and end up hurting you"

"I can look after myself" You said firmly.

"I know you can" Steve chuckled, "But with you he's like an overprotective mother hen. He's not going to let himself put you into what he considers to be danger"

"And instead of telling me all this himself, he was just going to continue to run away" You shook your head in exasperation, "Boys are so stupid"

"Hey, his people skills are a bit rusty" Steve replied, causing you to chuckle slightly.

"Guys?" Another voice called from across the room, and you turned towards Bruce, who was standing beside some of the machines, "If you guys are done training, I'd like to hook ______ up to the monitors, measure her vitals now that her body is slightly stressed from the exercise"

"He just wants to see me sweat" You joked at Steve.

The super-soldier laughed, and you strode off towards Bruce, snatching up your bottle of water from the ground as you went. Raising it to your lips, you relished the feel of the cool liquid trickling down your throat.

The two men had taken you to some old studio in the middle of nowhere. It should have taken half an hour to get there, but instead it had taken two hours, as Steve had driven around New York in order to knock anyone who might have been following you off your trail. You had also all been wearing disguises, yours being a huge, fuzzy wig that gave you the appearance of a homeless person who'd never seen a hairbrush before. They had taken you to the studio in order for Steve to test the strength of your abilities, and Bruce to monitor your various reactions to stimuli. 

You sat down in the metal chair, and felt Bruce beginning to gel parts of your forehead to attach the electrodes to. 

"I'm not going to hurt you" He reminded you as you looked fearfully as the items in his hands.

"I know" You breathed, twisting away to calm yourself, "It just reminds me of... You know"

"Yeah, I know" He said sympathetically, touching your arm.

Steve moved forward behind you to put one hand on your shoulder. He squeezed it reassuringly, and you reached up to grab it, gulping as Bruce started the machine. You closed your eyes, but then realized that wasn't the best idea as memories began to play across your closed lids. Your eyes flew open, and you jerked forward. Steve's grip on you tightened, and for a minute you panicked, remembering Sapphire's nails digging into your shoulder hard enough to draw blood.

"It's okay" Bruce said soothingly as you shook a little.

"Have you talked to Natasha yet?" Steve asked worriedly.

You shook your head; "Haven't had the time. We're meeting up the day after tomorrow. We can talk then"

"Good" Steve nodded, "I know what it's like. Trust me when I say it's a lot easier when you have someone to talk to"

 

 

* * *

 

 

When you finally got back to the apartment hours later, you wasted no time in ripping that stupid wig off your head and throwing it into the bin. The metal clanged shut loudly as you removed your foot from the pedal and stopped away towards Bucky's closed door. It opened before you could get halfway across the room.

"Someone's angry" Bucky commented, emerging from his bedroom.

You raised a brow; "So you're speaking to me now?"

The guarded look immediately dropped over his face, and he frowned; "Please don't start-"

"Who busted you out of that base, Bucky?" You interrupted angrily.

There was a minute of silence before he quietly replied; "You"

You nodded, folding your arms; "And who got genetically enhanced as a result of it?"

"You"

"Exactly. So in why world do you think that I'd be under threat from you?"

He averted his gaze furiously, lips flattening into a thin scowl; "Steve told you"

"You're right" You snapped, moving forward, "I had to hear that from _Steve_. why didn't you just tell me yourself? After everything that we've been through together, weeks of it being just us against the world, don't you think that by now you can tell me anything?"

"I do" He squirmed uncomfortably, raising his gorgeous blue eyes to yours, "It's just... This was different. I knew you'd argue"

"Damn right I'd argue!" You exclaimed, "I always argue when someone tries to do something stupid!"

"This isn't stupid" He insisted, "This is the best thing for you! I'm still unstable, ______. What if... If we were to... Something might make me let my guard down at a time when you're vulnerable to me. And if I was to... Lose control... You could-You might"

"Oh for Christ's sake" You snapped, storming across the room until you stood right infront of him.

"Listen here" You growled, prodding him hard in the chest, "I am a big girl. I am perfectly capable of looking after myself. You can't decide what's best for me, because trust me; Staying away from you isn't" 

You let out a harsh laugh and he flinched back slightly as you jabbed your index finger into his chest again. You began to walk forwards, and he began to stumble backwards away from you. You literally radiated anger and frustration. His mouth was slightly agape in shock at your furious expression, and you thought that his surprised expression made him look far too freaking cute for it to be legal. Damn him for always looking so distractingly attractive. Your increasing want for him just made you even more mad.

_Why couldn't you just stay angry at him?_

"This trying to keep away from me thing, it's driving me up the fucking wall" You spat, "So you either give me and answer now, or I leave and don't come back; What did that kiss mean to you?"

"It-" He started, but was abruptly cut off as his legs hit the edge of the bed.

You moved forward into him, purely because you had been still walking him backwards in your rage. The weight of you against his already unsteady form caused you both to topple backwards onto his bed in a tangle of arms and legs. You landed on top of him, him letting out an "Oomf!" as you crashed onto his chest. You found your face buried in the space under his chin, and you could feel his hands had grabbed your waist to steady you. Freezing for a few seconds, you eventually raised your head to meet his eyes. He stared back at you, all messy haired and bright eyed as you hands were resting on his chest.

And suddenly you didn't need an answer anymore. The look in his eyes in that moment vanished every tiny little doubt you'd had about his feelings for you, and you felt so, _so_ bad for ever doubting him. 

You weren't exactly sure how it happened next, but then you were kissing, welded against eachother. Your hands were clenched into fists, gripping his t-shirt tightly as your tongue explored his mouth, and his hands were on your thighs, pulling you flush into his body. You let out a small moan as his tongue played against yours, and the sound seemed to trigger something in him. He rolled over, positioning himself so that your body underneath his. Your hands crept up to tangle in his hair, and his travelled up from your thighs to slip under your t-shirt. The feel of his cool metal arm against your skin had you gasp in surprise, but he quickly smothered the sound by pressing his mouth against yours.  

Your hands fell to the hem of his t-shirt, and this time he moved back and let you pull it up over his head. You flung it away without aiming, or looking to see where it was going. Your full, undivided attention was on his abs. 

"Christ" You whispered as your eyes roved over his chest, then you froze when you noticed the marks on it.

It was still slightly scarred, mostly from that time he had intervened with HYDRA to save you. You felt the tight coil in your lower belly begin to dissolve as the memory washed over you, and you bit your lip in worry. Your left index finger lifted of it's own accord to trace the raised skin along the scar.

"I remember how you looked when you came back with that..." You said quietly, feeling the lust die away as pain from the memory washed through you, "I thought that... I thought you might die"

"I didn't though" He replied softly, his hand on your chest pushing you back down onto the mattress, "You saved me"

"We saved eachother" You corrected breathlessly as his lips began to whisper against yours once again.

His hands began to tug at your tank top, showing that he wanted that off as well. You obliged, pulling it over your head and letting it fall to the ground beside the bed. He leaned back down to you, fingers stroking over the bare skin of your body. You felt your eyes close as the lust stirred up once again.

That was when his mouth began to trail down your body, past your collarbone, over your chest. You writhed underneath his touch, wanted more. So much more...

_BANG BANG BANG BANG!_

The hammering on the front door had you shoving Bucky off you as you launched yourself into a sitting position. Turning bright red with embarrassment, you snatched your tank top off the ground and threw it back on. You raked your fingers through your wild hair, knowing that it probably looked a mess. Across the room, Bucky knelt down to pick up his t-shirt as well, and you shared a curious look, wondering who was at the door.

"Come on" He said gruffly when you were both ready, and you trooped back into the living room again.

You paused to snatch the baseball bat from behind the sofa, before nodding at Bucky.

"Who's there?" Bucky called hesitantly, tensed and ready for a fight.

" _It's me, Clint. I brought Chinese!_ " 

You dropped the bat in relief, but then groaned, covering your face in your hands. What was it with people picking the worst time to burst in on you two? Bucky just glared at the closed door, looking like he wanted to murder the well-meaning archer for ruining what could have been a very fun few hours. And he probably did. If you were perfecctly honest. You did too.

"Can we just tell him to go away? Or pretend we're not here?" Bucky pleaded, staring at you with wide, blue Puppy-Dog eyes.

" _I can hear you, you know!_ "

"Just let him in" You sighed, "If he went to all the trouble of sneaking over to us and buying Chinese, we can at least open the door"

Bucky grumbled unintelligibly, but unlocked the door. It swung open to reveal a frowning Clint. The archer was dressed in black combat boots, light jeans and a blue hoodie. He had a baseball cap pulled down over his face, and in each hand he carried a red and white striped bag of food. You felt your gaze flicker over to Bucky, who was staring at him, biting the inside of his cheek sourly. His expression more than gave away his displeasure at Clint's presence, which would only encourage the archer's curiosity as he and Bucky had become friends. They both had been the victims of brainwashing, and Bucky had eagerly told Clint to drop by at any time. It was kinda funny how his own invitation managed to backfire on him. While all these thoughts were swirling around in your head, Clint friend looked at you, then at Bucky, then back at you, and arched a brow.

"Let me guess, I just interrupted something" He guessed, face breaking into a mischievous grin.

You just sighed loudly, and waved him in.

_Hawkward._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, if y'all are wondering why I chose Clint, I probably would have used Tony (he'd be the most likely person to interrupt them, methinks), but I decided not to because he's too well-known to the public to be able to sneak over to their flat without people noticing, and as Clint is a master spy/assassin, he knows how to remain unseen :)
> 
> If there are mistakes I'll fix 'em laterz x


	24. Confidante

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, um, hi, again.
> 
> Sorry I'm quite late with this. The other week I just needed to take a break from writing, I've been doing so much of it these past few months that it was wearing me out. It's not that I don't love it, I do, but I just needed to take a rest. Whenever I tried to write, my head would start to ache so I just couldn't. And then when I finally switched on the computer in order to update my stuff for real at last, I found myself updating everything BUT Winter's Thaw.
> 
> That wasn't because I don't love it (it's my baby) or because I'm losing interest in it (I'm not), but because since I wasn't in the writing mood I was afraid that if I forced myself to write I'd give you guys a sucky chapter. Which I really don't want to do.
> 
> Hopefully I've snapped out of it now (Fingers crossed!)
> 
> I'd just like to let out a big thank you to you all for OVER FOUR HUNDRED KUDOS! You guys are amazing, I swear. Thank you for everything; The kudos, lovely comments, bookmarks, subscriptions, and supportive and kind Tumblr messages. You guys are the reason that this fic keeps going!
> 
> Once you're done with this chapter, maybe give the notes at the bottom a peek, will ya?

"Where are you going?" Bucky called as you snatched your purse up off the counter.

"I'm meeting Natasha" You answered, shrugging on your jacket and pulling a cap low over your head.

"Oh. I was making dinner. Well, breakfast-for-dinner" He said somewhat sadly.

You gave him an apologetic smile, and he rolled his eyes good naturedly. He was studying you over his shoulder from his position infront of the cooker. The pan he held lightly in his hand was sizzling over the hot plate, and the smell of eggs and bacon filled the air. You breathed in deeply, enjoying the fact that he was making you food. When you opened your eyes he had already turned back to tend to the food. You then wandered across to wrap your arms around his waist and rest your head on his shoulder.

"Thank you" You murmured, standing up on your tip-toes to press a kiss to his stubbly cheek, "I'm sorry, but I promised her"

Letting go of the pan, he twisted so his back was against the oven. His arm snaked around your lower back, and you were pulled flush into his chest. Your hands slid up his strong, firm chest and he cocked his head, looking at you in amusement. He leaned forward quickly, and his lips pressed against yours briefly.

"S'okay" He grinned, then pushed you gently away and towards the door, "Go have fun" 

You grinned at him, before turning away. Next thing something hit your rear, and you let out a loud squeak.  Spinning around, you saw Bucky smirking at you.

"Did you just slap my ass?" You asked, almost in shock.

His lips curved upwards in that mischievous grin you loved so much.

"Yes, I believe I did"

"Getting brave now, Sergeant Barnes?" You teased.

"Seems like it, Ma'am"

God, that old-fashioned 1940's chivalry was hot.

You reached forward to grab his t-shirt collar, and yanked him towards you. Kissing hard him once again, you bit him bottom lip gently, letting out a playful growl as he moaned. You then stepped back, examining his bruised red lips and lusty eyes with pride. Shooting him a wink, you flounced across the room to grab your coat off the rack against the wall as you headed for the door. You paused just before stepping out into the corridor, peering back at the kitchen.

"You should call Steve over while I'm out. Bond. Reconnect. I shouldn't be home too late anyway. Maybe we can still have dinner. Or, breakfast-for-dinner"

"I'd like that" He smiled.

"Of course you would" You said in your most prim voice, and shut the door.

Stepping out into the corridors of the apartment complex, your phone chimed loudly from within the depths of your chain purse. You tried to fish it out as you walked, almost running down the guy who lived down the hall as your attention was diverted. After apologizing profusely for barging into him, you continued on your way. Finally freeing your phone from your pocket, you typed in the unlock password on it's clear screen. A message from Natasha was waiting for you, telling you where to go to meet up. You sighed, sliding the phone back into your bag. You would have to walk for about twenty minutes to this rendez-vous point.

_Great._

You reached into your pocket and drew out the tangled mess of headphones. Freeing them from one another, you slotted them into your brand-new iPod Touch and turned on your current favourite song. The beat was lively, jumpy, and your step became happier. Singing quietly under your breath, you made your way down the busy street of New York with your cap angled low and your hood up. It was a cold day, so you didn't stick out. That was an advantage for you, as blending in with the crowd meant there was less chance of you being noticed by anyone who may possibly have been looking for you.

When the song ended you just hit shuffle on your iPod, which probably wasn't the best idea seeing as you kept wanting to change the song as per usual. Eventually, however, you reached your destination. You shifted on the edge of the curb, peering around you to see if you could spot Natasha anywhere. But there was no familiar red-head anywhere, much to your disappointment.

A sudden flash of head-lights drew your attention to a car to your left, a black Ford Mondeo. Someone waved at you from the inside, and you paced a few metres closer. After a few seconds of intense staring into the vehicle, you copped on that it was _Natasha_ sitting in there. Looking left and right, you jogged across the street and slipped in the passenger seat.

"I don't think you were followed" Was the first thing she said as her eyes scanned the street around you.

"Hello to you too" You chuckled, clicking your seatbelt into place.

"Sorry, hey" She smiled at you.

"Nice car" You commented as she turned on the engine.

"It's good. Far cry from the Corvette Stingray, but it's better we remain inconspicuous" She replied as the car peeled away from the curb. 

 "I do love that Stingray" You nodded, remembering the powerful engine roaring as you bulleted down the highway.

"Where to?" Your friend took her eyes from the road and arched a brow at you.

"I dunno" You shrugged, then your stomach rumbled loudly.

"Maybe we should go somewhere that serves dinner" Natasha laughed as she expertly turned the steering wheel, "I know just the place"

You nodded but didn't bother to comment back, just drummed your fingers on the dashboard infront of you. Natasha always knew where to go; What place served the most delicious meal, what cinema had the most comfortable seats, which nightclub had the hottest guys (not that you were too interested in random, normal guys anymore). You had just kind of accepted by now that your best friend was like a walking-talking Trip Advisor.

She cleared her throat again, drawing your attention back to her. With a rush of embarrassment you realised that she had been trying to talk to you while you were away in daydream land.

"Weeeeeeell" She smirked a little, clearly going to savour what was coming next, "A little birdy told me that you and Barnes might be a little more close and personal than you'd led me to believe. I'm hurt that I had to find that out from someone else"

You remained silent for a few seconds, before asking; "And this little birdy... Perchance was it a Hawk?"

She pretended to think, tapping her fingers on her chin; "Yes, now that you mention it, I think it was"

"Damn Barton" You muttered under your breath, although you weren't _really_ mad.

"So?" Natasha quizzed, "How long has this been going on for?"

"Since we moved in" You admitted as you squirmed uncomfortably in the seat.

"Oh!" She exclaimed, eyebrows shooting up as if she'd just realised something that surprised her; "So you two have been having-"

"No" You cut her off firmly, shaking your head, "No. We haven't"

"But you want to" She pressed, grinning wickedly.

She shot her a glare, but the smile on your face gave you away.

"Eyes on the road" Was your only reply.

"Knew it" She crowed, taking a right.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The car pulled up outside a pub, and Natasha dutifully steered it into the carpark around the back. 

You climbed out of the passenger seat and looked up into the quickly darkening sky. Nevermind what you'd said to Bucky about not being out too late, Natasha had driven you for quite a while (through extremely bad traffic) to get here. You figured you'd call the main phone in the apartment later (Bucky still hadn't gotten the hang of mobile phones, and found landlines far easier to use) and let him know not to wait up.

_Not to wait up._

_Wow._

_That sounded like you were his girlfriend or something._

You tried to laugh the thought away as soon as it popped into your head, but the truth was that the two of you hadn't defined what your relationship was yet. Yes, you kissed a lot, but no one had proposed _going steady._ You weren't insecure about it though, during that encounter that Clint had interrupted, you'd both made your feelings for one another pretty darn clear so you were content to take it at a pace that he was comfortable with. 

"Come on, airhead!" Natasha voice rang out ahead of you, and you scurried after her into the building.

A waiter in a tight black shirt led you over to a booth in the half-hidden corner, and you slid in to the seat opposite Natasha. The place was dimly lit, although warm and cosy. All around you people chattered and laughed quietly, and the murmur of voices was comforting. The waiter handed you the menus, eyeing Natasha appreciatively. He was rather handsome; tall, tanned, blond hair, but you weren't actually attracted to him. Natasha, on the other hand, was very much welcoming of his interest. She smiled back coyly, allowing her fingers to brush over his as she took the menu from him. You bit your lower lip to keep from smiling, training your eyes on the  list of food infront of you until the man had left.

"Sexual tension" You teased lightly as she flicked open her menu.

"Says _you_ " She retorted, "Every time you and Barnes are in a goddamn room together, you can almost _see_ the chemistry in the air"

You tried to look irritated at her bringing it up again, but once again you couldn't stop the pleased smile that found it's way to your lips.

"How's your back?" You changed the subject.

"Better" She replied, "Much better"

"Sorry" You apologized again.

"It's not your fault" She said patiently, then hesitated for a second, "Well, maybe it is your fault. You _were_ the one who threw me through a door"

"We all _told_ you not to spar with me!" You cried, "We told you I was too strong for you now. You didn't listen!"

"I guess I never thought that my little recruit would one day be able to hand my ass to me" She chuckled, "Though just remember; If you weren't so genetically enhanced, I would have whooped you into oblivion"

"Yeah, you would have" You grinned, not afraid to admit it.

"Come on, let's take a lot at what they've got on offer today" She gestured towards the menus that neither of you had even glanced at yet.

 Settling back into the cushy seat, you opened up the black leather booklet and began t read the list of foods inside. as it was a pub, there wasn't a very fancy selection. Being quite hungry, you and Natasha ended up deciding to order a large homemade pizza and chips between the two of you. The hot waiter came back over to take your order, and you had to suffer your hunger pangs in silence a she and Natasha blatantly flirted with eachother. After he had eventually run off to give your order to the chef, your best friend turned her attention back to you.

"So, how are you?" She asked, interlocking her fingers and setting them on the table infront of her.

"Good" You replied, pouring yourself a glass of water from the jug that had been left in the centre of the table.

"No, really. How are you?"

"Seriously, Nat, I'm fine" You smiled, mind wandering off to Bucky.

"No nightmare then? You're sleeping okay?" You froze slightly, and felt the smile fade from your face.

"I thought so" She sighed, catching your expression, "So, let's talk"

You sighed deeply, rubbing your face in both of your hands before looking up at her again; "I just get nightmares. Flashbacks, when I'm alone"

"So you're not sleeping?" She pressed, beginning to look concerned as she scanned your face.

"No" You said as you felt yourself begin to flush, "I am"

"What?" She wrinkled her nose, looking confused.

"I get flashbacks and nightmares when I'm alone" You mumbled, picking apart the napkin with your fingers, "When it happens I tend to... I just need company"

There was a few seconds of silence as Natasha tried to figure out what you meant.

"Oh" She said eventually, eyes like saucers, "But I thought you hadn't..?"

"We haven't" You insisted, "We just, uh, cuddle"

"You _cuddle_ with the Winter Soldier" She repeated kind of sceptically.

"He doesn't like being called that" You reminded her quietly.

"Right. Of course" She said as the waiter appeared back at the table.

"Can I get you anything else?" He flirted.

"I feel like a drink. A _proper_ drink" Natasha's eyes never left yours, "What do you say"

 

 

* * *

 

 

"So..." Bucky trailed off, not knowing how to fill the silence, "Any word on HYDRA?"

"Nope" Steve answered, blowing the steam off his coffee, "Stark and Banner have been monitoring transmissions as best they can. All they've got is radio silence"

"So they're either not planning anything,  or they are and we have no clue" Bucky bit his lip.

"I'm sure it's all fine" Steve reassured him, laying a hand on his shoulder, "And she's with Natasha. The two of them are more than capable of handling anything does freaks throw their way"

That brought a small smile to Bucky's lips, and he stood up from the kitchen table. He waved Steve over to the sofa, and turned on the TV as his friend sat down beside him. A cartoon was the first thing that popped on the screen. Mickey Mouse.

"Changed a lot, hasn't it?" Steve asked as the coloured images and perfect sound hit their senses, "Much better quality than what we grew up with"

"Well, the world _has_ changed in the past seventy years" Bucky shrugged, trying to seem unaffected.

Attempting to seem strong on Steve's behalf was an old habit, and now it seemed like it was a habit he hadn't entirely kicked during his decades as the Winter Soldier. That little semblance of his old self was something to be thankful for at least.

"Everything's changed" Steve said a little sadly, and Bucky felt his heart lurch painfully.

"We never got to talk" The ex-assassin started, looking anywhere but his childhood best friend, "You've been so good to me these past few weeks. Not pushing, not blaming. But I need you to know that I am so sorry for everything I did. I'm so sorry, Steve"

"You know that none of it was your fault" Steve insisted, twisting to stare intently into Bucky's face, "Just like the things that Loki made Clint do when he was brainwashed weren't Clint's fault, none of anything that's happened can be blamed on you"

"I almost killed you" Bucky felt his lip wobbling slightly, and clamped his teeth down on it because _he would not cry._

"They made you do it, but if you won't accept that then take this; I forgive you. You are still, as you always have been, my very best friend"

Bucky didn't know how it happened, but then they were embracing, giving eachother those familiar manly slaps on the back. 

"Punk" Bucky chuckled,  ruffling Steve's hair like he had always done before Steve became Captain America.

"Jerk" Steve responded, grabbing his hand and attempting to twist it behind his back.

Bucky yanked his arm back, and turned back to the TV while both of them laughed. 

"Let's figure out what to watch" He grinned, and proceeded to flick through the channels like you had taught him to the other day.

"Is there a game on?" Steve asked eagerly, and Bucky knew he was trying to resurrect their old past-time of watching baseball together.

"Not sure" Bucky replied and handed Steve the remote in the hopes his friend might find it quicker.

He had had more time to adjust to technology after all.

After a few minutes of channel surfing, Steve managed to discover a replay of a game that had taken place earlier that day. Bucky wandered over to the fridge, and took out two of the beers that you had purchased from the supermarket recently. He figured you wouldn't mind them being used, you _had_ told him to invite Steve over anyway. So he just walked back over to the sofa and sat down heavily next to Steve, passing him a beer.

"You know we can't get drunk anymore?" Steve laughed as he broke open the top of the can.

"Drinking beer and watching a game are two things that have always gone together through the history of mankind" Bucky argued, happy he was feeling like his old self, "Just enjoy the tradition"

"Yes, Sergeant" Steve saluted.

Bucky felt his face becoming a little bit red, and turned to face the TV. He kept his eyes focused on the screen, hoping that Steve wouldn't question him about the blush in his cheeks. Steve was unaware that he had just called him by the same title as you did when the two of you were being playful. Bucky felt a little awkward, but also highly amused. He didn't reply, though, and Steve just began to watch the TV as well.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"We're going" You insisted firmly, grabbing Natasha's arm and hauling her to her feet.

The group of five men who'd joined you in your booth all let out various sounds of disappointment.

"Awwwh, come on!" She pleaded, staring up at you with big green eyes.

"No" You said firmly, dragging her behind you towards the front door.

She tried to apply the brakes, but your enhanced strength easily outmatched her digging her heels into the ground. Mumbling under her breath, she soon gave up and followed you obediently over to the car. When she moved to unlock the door to the drivers seat, you stopped her.

"I'm driving" You reminded her, "You've been drinking, and I'm perfectly sober"

She mulled it over for a second, before shrugging and handing you the keys. That was one of the things that you liked about Natasha. She may do a lot of reckless stuff, but drink-driving had never been one of them. You slid behind the wheel of the Mondeo, and soon you were back into the streets of New ork, heading for the apartment. Your phone _'pinged!_ ' in your purse once again, and you flicked your fingers at Natasha.

"Get that for me, will you?" You asked her.

"I need your unlock password" She reminded you, and you glanced briefly at the screen before turning your eyes back to the road.

"Socks" You told her after a few seconds.

"Socks?" She raised a brow in disbelief.

"When the guy in the store was setting the phone up for me, the woman to my left was wearing mismatched socks" You shrugged, "It just kinda stuck with me, and I couldn't think of anything else"

"It's a good password" She conceded, "No one will ever guess it" 

"That's what I thought" You were pleased.

"It's from Steve" She informed you after a few seconds, "Your husband wants to know when you'll be home"

"Oh, shut up" You laughed, "Tell him maybe fifteen minutes, and tell Steve to stay until we get back. You're staying at the same hotel as him, right?"

"Right" She agreed.

"He can bring you back then"

"Sick of me already?" 

"You betcha"

"Ouch" She said, fake wincing, "I'll tell you who wasn't sick of me, though. Those guys in the bar"

"The immature loud-mouths?" You asked, turning a corner.

"At least they were good looking"

"Clint's good looking" You slyly added.

"Not you too" She groaned.

"So's Steve"

"Are you bugging me to get back at all the times I tease you about Barnes?"

"Yes. But you can't remain single forever, Nat"

"I just can't see myself settling down just yet" She admitted.

"Fair enough" You conceded, "But I can't wait for the day that you find him"

You weren't sure you heard it. The radio was playing beside you, and one of the windows was slightly down, but through the horrible rap music, and the chatter of people and the hooting of horns outside, you could have sworn that you heard Natasha wistfully say "Neither can I" 

 

 

* * *

 

 

A loud laugh rang out form the room as you unlocked the front door, and stepped into the apartment.

"You're back!" Bucky grinned, hurrying over to pick you up in his arms and spin you around.

"Someone's in a good mood" You teased, then leaned around his side, "Hey Steve"

"Hey, ______" The Captain replied, giving you a small wave, "Hi there, Natasha"

"Hey, boys" Your friend grinned as she sauntered in behind you.

"What have you guys been up to?" You asked as you hung up your coat and leaned back against Bucky's chest.

His arms wrapped around your body, resting over your stomach and you smiled happily as his familiar, much-loved scent washed over you.

"Just watched baseball and had pizza" Bucky and Steve shared a happy grin, and you were glad to see that the two of them seemed to have reconnected so well.

"What have you girls been doing?" Steve asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Just went out for something to eat and a few drinks" You answered as Bucky lowered his face to nuzzle into your neck.

"Uh, Steve, let's go before they start making out infront of us" Natasha chuckled.

You stepped away from Bucky to give her a warm hug.

"Sorry we didn't get to do too much deep-talking" She whispered as you squeezed her.

"It's fine!" You insisted, "To be honest, I think going out and having fun is a way better remedy than dwelling on it. I want to move on"

"It may take time" She reminded you as you released her.

"I've had worse adversarys to face than time" You reminded her, then turned to embrace Steve.

"Thank you" He said quietly into your ear.

"For what?"

"Telling him to call me. I know that he never would have done it on his own"

Captain America pressed a friendly kiss into your hair, and then drew away from you. Bucky's hand wrapped around yours, and he tugged you to his side once again. His arm draped lightly over your shoulders as you escorted your two friends to the door. After saying goodbye once final time, the two of them departed and you were left alone with the man you were in love with.

"Good night then?" You asked as he kissed your forehead.

"Very good" He agreed, "And did you have fun?"

"Yeah" You smiled, leading him towards the sofa, "Let's watch a movie. I want to relax for a bit"

Next thing you felt the ground disappear fro under you as you were swept up into his strong arms. Laughing, you allowed him to carry you across to the sofa and gently deposit you onto the cushions. He promised to be back in a minute, and you waited patiently as he disappeared into his room. You heard him return a minute later, and then clanging as he made his way around the kitchen, You didn't bother twisting around to see what the was doing, you were too lazy.

"How do you turn the microwave on again?" He asked after a minute or two went by.

You giggled to yourself, but gave him clear instructions. He keyed them in, and then you heard it switch on. Next second he appeared back infront of you, placing a few packs of sweets and biscuits on the coffee table infront of you so he could drape a blanket over your body. Grabbing the packets of goodies, he sat down by your feet.

"C'mere" He commanded playfully.

You squirmed your way around so that you were pressed into his side, just as the 'pop' of cooking popcorn filled the air. You grinned, and plucked a few packets off his lap. Tearing open the large share packet of Buttons, you popped a few into your mouth and chewed in contentment.

You're an amazing boyfriend, you know that?" You said, and froze.

_ Oh shit.  _

_ You'd just called him your boyfriend. _

"Boyfriend?" He repeated, showing that your slip hadn't been lost on him.

"Sorry" You mumbled, lowering your eyes t the purple packet infront of you, "I didn't mean that... If you're not ready for that yet..."

"Don't be ridiculous" He insisted seriously, leaning forward to peck your lips, "Of course I want to go steady with you. I'm from the forties, for God's sake. I do these things properly"

"That's good to know" You chuckled, wrapping your arm around his waist and snuggling into his body.

"So, girlfriend" He murmured as he leaned down to kiss your forehead again,  "What should we watch? It's your choice"

You thought for a few seconds.

"A Disney movie?" You asked hopefully.

He rolled his eyes, but handed you the remote so that you could switch to Netflix. You burrowed into his chest, and raised his metal hand to your lips to press a kiss against it. Like you had that day, in that cell, so long ago. His gaze found your face, and you knew with certainty that he was remembering it too. His hand left yours to brush a stray strand of hair back from where it had fallen across your eyes, and you found yourself shivering under his touch.

In that moment everything was perfect.

The way that the gentle light of the living room illuminated his face.

The steady rise and fall of his warm chest against your body.

How his eyes fixed on you, staring at you adoringly.

Like you were the only thing that mattered.

Like you were the only thing he was living for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY! You took a peek :D 
> 
> Basically, if you click into my Archive Of Our Own profile (not the list of my works, my actual profile containing my bio) I have listed down a few pairings for the new stories. Two of which, I'm gonna start writing as soon as I finish some of these other stuff I have running. I haven't given any information on them, or their actual titles, purely because I don't want anyone stealing any ideas I have before I can get to write them myself (it sucks, but it happens).
> 
> But yeah, they're all thought out with a plot line already in place, so all I really need to decide is which to upload next (the Clint Barton X Reader one will be uploaded anyway, purely because I'm itching to write it, but the other one is left to be decided), so I'm asking you all to leave a comment at the end of this chapter and say which one you'd like to see when Winter's Thaw is over. All of them will be done at some stage, however, but I'd appreciate your opinions as to what comes next. I can't promise that I'll take you up on your decision, but I WILL take everything you say into consideration and then make a final choice myself.
> 
> And sorry if there are mistakes in the chapter above. I've proof-read, but I had a long day at work today (my boss is out sick, so I'm stuck dealing with reorganising and stacking in the back-rooms. It's tiring, carrying things up and down the stairs and deciding hat to put out into the shop), so forgive me for the grammatical errors that you undoubtedly found. I hope they're not too bad, but I'll fix them all tomorrow.


	25. Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the super long wait, but I have a number of reasons to explain my absence.  
> 1). My dog got very sick, and almost died (I love my dog, I've had him for ten years, so when I thought he might go I completely broke down).  
> 2). My best friend ended up in hospital. So that worried me as well, as she had to have an operation.  
> 3). I had a busy time with countless parties and nights/days out (and epic hangovers the next day).  
> 4). My cousins came over to stay for like a week, and since I don't like people from my outer-net life knowing I write fanfiction I couldn't very well type away with her right there.  
> 5). The day she left I took off to America, and ended up staying for a while (I actually tried to update when I was over there, but the hotel's WiFi was terrible and kept displaying the 'Google Chrome cannot find this page' thing, so I stopped trying after the fourth time).  
> 6). Exam results came back. I got an offer to Uni as of yesterday, but when the results came out I sunk into mega-depression and didn't want to do anything except lie in bed all day and sulk.
> 
> Anyhow, I think those are pretty valid reasons, but I apologise anyway for the inconvenience. 
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos, comments, bookmarks and subscriptions. It means the world to me.

"Butter"

"Check"

"Eggs"

"Check"

"Well... I think that's it" You blinked, and raised your eyes to Bucky.

He was standing beside you, dressed in a black parka over a pair of blue jeans. A black cap covered his hair, casting his face into shadow. His eyes were focused on you as you held a bottle of washing-up liquid in your hands. You felt yourself turning a little bit red as his gaze made countless butterflies stir in the pit of your stomach.

_God, he was handsome._

_And he was all yours._

"Do you have anything else on that little list of yours?" He asked, raising a brow at you.

"No" You replied, handing him the list, "We've gone through it completely, but I might just take another peek around to see if I find something that I haven't thought of yet. Do  _you_  want anything?"

"I might go and take a look..." He decided somewhat hesitantly as he glanced around, "I haven't had the chance to examine a real twenty-first century supermarket yet..."

You shook your head, laughing gently, and released your hold on the trolley to push him away. He stumbled slightly, grinning at you over his shoulder. His arm reached back so that he could briefly entwine your fingers with his gloved ones. Raising your hand to his lips, he softly planted a kiss against your knuckles. The contact for your skin against his mouth had you shivering slightly, and you hoped he wouldn't notice the effect he had on you. Apparently he did because his pinks lips twisted upwards into a confident smile. You rolled your eyes at his smirk, and he laughed loudly and let go of your hand to saunter off amidst the aisles once more.

Continuing to push the trolley around the store, you just decided to continue on the way that you were facing so that you could possibly come across something new. A small grin was playing against the side of your lips as you allowed your mind to wander to Bucky.

You two had been living together for about two months now, and in a relationship for just as long. Things had been going great, and despite the situation (all the hiding-in-plain-sight, the worry about being found out, how you could barely see your friends anymore): You couldn't have been happier. Bucky was getting even better, becoming the man who you knew Steve had grown up with, though you knew that the Winter Soldier would never entirely leave him. You both slept easier now, probably due to the fact that you were sleeping in the same bed.

It was comforting to have his presence near you, his arm around your body, his chest against your back as his minty breath ruffled your hair.

Something knocked into your side, shocking you out of your train of thought and the trolley handle slid from your grip. You staggered slightly, before two hands grabbed your shoulders and steadied you. You raised your eyes, and for some reason you were expecting to see Bucky. Even though you knew that he was probably at the other side of the store, you didn't know who else would have the reflexes to be able to catch you so quickly. You went to thank him, but when your eyes met those of your saviour: You froze. Two brown eyes that did not belong to Bucky looked curiously into your face.

You jerked back immediately, yanking your hood further down over your features.

"You okay?" He asked loudly, crouching down a little to look into your eyes once more.

"Yeah, thank you" You replied curtly, tilting your head down so that your chin rested on your chest.

You were still following Natasha's instructions about disguising yourself in public and not allowing people to see you.

"It's no problem. It's not everyday a pretty girl almost falls for me" He quipped, still attempting to gaze into your face.

_As if you hadn't heard that one before._

You edged away from him until your back was pressed flush against the stacks of orange juice piled against the wall behind you. The sensation was extremely uncomfortable,  though you did not move to change it. There was a slight tingling over your skin and you rubbed your hands together. You got the strangest feeling, deep in your gut, that there was something wrong with how this man was looking at you so intensely, so determined to get a glimpse of your face. 

"Thanks" You breathed once more, deepening your voice so that it was less recognisable, "I gotta go now"

You pushed off from the wall, dodging around him without touching him. From the corner of your eye you saw him turning as you moved around him. Grabbing your trolley once more, you hurried away down the store: You had to find Bucky, pay for this stuff, and then get the hell out of here.

Turning into an aisle on the left, you risked one more glance over your shoulder at the man before he would disappear from your view (and you from his). A chill washed over you as you realised he was still staring at you. His hands were tucked into the pockets of his long, block coat, and faint smirk curling his lips. In any other situation you would have found him insanely attractive, but right now all he did for you was give you the serious heebie-jeebies. So you sped up, and basically jogged out of his sight and off to find Bucky.

When you eventually located him, he was in the sweet aisle, talking to some woman.

And she had her freshly manicured nails resting flirtatiously on his arm.

She was smiling up at him, fluttering her eyelashes and giggling in a super annoying, high-pitched tone like you often saw pre-teen girls doing when they found a boy that they fancied. Almost instantaneously after seeing her, you felt your teeth gnash together and anger bubble up. You knew immediately that Bucky wasn't interested in her, he was wearing a polite but disinterested look on his face and glancing at her hand uncomfortably every few seconds. He seemed like he wanted to knock it off, but he was too mannerly to. After being brainwashed for around seventy years, you kind of figured that he'd be kind of unused to flirting (even though you'd heard he was pretty damn good at it back in the forties). Still, it was rather annoying to see some random, pretty woman attempting to hit on  _your boyfriend_. 

"Hey" You greeted as you appeared beside him.

"Hey" He replied, looking rather relieved to see you.

The woman, however, only shot you a venomous glare and continued to keep her hand on Bucky's arm. Barely stopping short of rolling your eyes and sighing at her disdainfully, you just turned to Bucky and stood on your tip-toes to press a kiss to his cheek. He turned at the last second, smiling softly as his lips brushed against yours. You drew back slowly and opened your eyes to grin in his face. The deeply amused twinkle in his bright blue eyes showed that he knew fine well what was going on, and that he was making it clear you were the only one he was interested in. 

That little public display of affection had a small blush creeping over your face, and next thing Bucky's arm slid up around your shoulders. You rested your head against his upper arm happily.

Smirking, you glanced back at the woman, who was retracting her claws with a sour expression on her face. 

You wouldn't have minded her so much of she'd backed off as soon as she realised he was taken. Like, you couldn't hold her fancying him against her. You were in love with him, after all. You could see how people would find him extremely attractive, but the fact that she had still tried to stake a claim on him when he was so blatantly with someone else was somewhat irksome to you.

"I'm ready to go" He said softly into your ear, regaining your attention once more.

"Same here" You answered quickly as your mind jumped back to the man who had been watching you.

You risked another look over your shoulder to see if he was observing you from a distance, but he wasn't there. Your shoulder relaxed, and you ignored the woman once more in order to grab Bucky's hand and drag him towards the check-out machines. The only one free was the self-service, so immediately you made your way to that one. Bucky watched you carefully as you scanned every item, humming to yourself as you did. A gloved hand suddenly blocked your view as Bucky moved forward.

"Can I try?" He asked hopefully.

You laughed at the childish eagerness in his voice and handed him the can of tomato soup. Explaining as well as you could, you showed him how to scan the bar-code on the tin. He got the hang of it immediately, even though there was not that much to actually get the hang of as scanning items was pretty easy. In around five minutes you had paid and packed up, and you were strolling off together on your way to the store's exit. Just before you reached it, you drew to a halt. Bucky breathed out in exasperation, and arched a brow at you.

"Ready for this again?" You chuckled, motioning to the door.

"Let's just go" He grumbled, pushing forward.

As soon as he stepped over the thresh-hold of the store, the metal detectors on either side both began to screech. You smothered your laughter with a hand over your mouth as Bucky stopped and turned to face the security guards making their way quickly towards him. Obviously they recognised him from earlier as a younger man, who slightly resembled Clint, stepped up to him to clap him on the back while chuckling loudly. The Hawkeye look-alike turned back to his colleagues, explaining what was going on with sweeps of his hand and a huge grin. Bucky shifted awkwardly from foot-to-foot, and you also felt a little nervous. 

You really didn't like so many people knowing about Bucky's metal arm as the more people that were aware of it, the easier it was for word to reach HYDRA. But unfortunately the security guards needed to know why their sensors were going off if he wasn't stealing anything,

Eventually, Bucky was allowed to walk free from the shop. You followed him, linking your arm with his once more and grinning up into his irritated face.

"What?" He whined, faux-glaring at you.

"It's just kinda funny how you can never go into a store without setting off the metal detector's" You chuckled.

"Well I'm glad that _you_ find it so amusing" He poked his tongue out at you.

"Indeed I do, darling" You teased as you unlocked the doors to your car, "Be a doll and return the trolley?"

"Yes ma'am" He saluted.

Your eyes lowered to watch his rear as he jogged away to do as you asked. With his enhanced speed the task was completed in a matter of seconds and he was soon back at the car.

"Home we go" You heard him mutter enthusiastically as he slid into the passenger seat.

Smiling, you shifted the gear-stick and the vehicle peeled away smoothly.

 

* * *

 

Your car pulled out of it's parking space, reversing and then turning itself to drive towards the car-park's entrance. From underneath one of the tall oak trees in the corner of the lot, a man stepped out. He was wearing a long black coat that was buttoned up to protect him from the bitter wind that swirled through the air. He rubbed his hands together, blowing on them to heat the chilled flesh as his brown eyes focused on your license plate. His handsome face was in the shadows but anyone observing him closely could still make out the smirk on his face that was reflected in his eyes.

He hadn't been able to get a good look at your face in the store, but when you were unlocking your car he had gotten a clear look at both of your features. They matched the pictures in the file he had been given.

Raising his cell phone to his ear, he grinned coldly, triumphantly, and spoke two chilling sentences to the man at the other end of the line.

"Boss, the lead was spot on. We got 'em"

 

* * *

 

A few hours later you got back to the apartment. The time it took was mainly due to the fact that you had to drive around to throw anyone who may have possibly been following you off your trail, and also that you had decided to take Bucky to the cinema as he had not been yet. It was an experience for Bucky, all the colour and sounds and graphics were something he had never experienced it before. To make the ordeal even more special, you took him to a 3D movie.

"Thank you" He said for at least the twentieth time as you arrived at the door.

"Seriously, it's no problem" You laughed again.

You went to insert the key into the lock, but as soon as you made contact with the door you realised it was open. At your hesitant touch it swung further inward, revealing the mass of people standing in your living room, crowded around one another while talking loudly and earnestly. After a few moments of shocked silence (on your part) you recognised your friends. Natasha was there, standing side-by-side with Clint. The Black Widow had her trademark catsuit on, while Clint was fully decked out in all of his combat gear and his bow and quiver strapped to his back. Steve and Sam stood across from them dressed in ordinary clothes, though Steve was holding his shield loosely by his side, and Sam had on the device that you knew contained his wings. Tony was seated against the bar, a drink in his hand, and Bruce leaning on the chair back beside him. They all turned as one as you came in.

Natasha bit her lip, looking nervous, and the rest of them stared back at you with varying degrees of discomfort.

"What's going on?" You heard Bucky ask, an edge of hardness creeping into his voice.

"It's HYDRA..." Steve began, stepping forward and holding out his hands placatingly, "Stark managed to pick up a transmission. They've found you, and they're coming for you"

"What?" You gasped, feeling all the blood drain from your face.

This had not been expected right now...

"To the apartment?" Bucky questioned.

"No" Tony spoke up, rising from his chair and striding over to you.

He stopped just infront of you, his eyes staring into yours as his hand came up to rest on your shoulder. He held out the drink, offering you some. You reached out a shaking hand and downed the whiskey that lay within. Coughing a little, you emptied it and passed it back to him. He made a face as he examined the glass and it's lack of alcohol, and you almost laughed despite the situation. 

"Tony..." You heard yourself whispering, "What's going on?"

"They're coming here, ______" He spoke quietly, but loud enough for Bucky to hear also, "They've assembled every last one of their remaining resources from all over the world. It's their final chance to bring HYDRA out on top, and they're going to give it their damn best shot. They're targeting New York while SHIELD is still rebuilding in Washington. They're going for Stark Tower to get at the weapons and the database. They're coming to where he is" He gestured at Bucky, "Where you are. If they manage to take either of you back then they'll be able to survive. You both know _our_ weaknesses and if they can control you: They'll use you against us"

"So, what do we do?" You cried, "If they're going to rampage through the city then why isn't it being evacuated already!? You need to tell someone!"

"We've tried" Clint piped up bitterly, "But most people in postions of authority aren't too fond of the Avengers. They feel we undermine their security and present a threat to the world. They're saying that they're too busy to take our claims seriously"

You shook your head in awe, wondering how such jackasses could be allowed to run the world.

"I'll try get JARVIS to hack into the cable channels" Tony decided, moving away from you, "Maybe I can get the word out that way"

"______, I think you should leave" Natasha gave her opinion, "You too, Barnes. If they get hold of you, they could brainwash you both again and use you against us, as Tony said earlier. It's safer for us all if you're not there for them to get their hands on"

The rest of the group nodded in agreement, and you bit your lip and stared at the ground. Beside you, Bucky let out a low growl of frustration. You wanted to help, but you didn't want to get back out into the battle-ground again. You weren't a field agent, you had made that clear many times. Kicking butt was fine, but you didn't want to kill another person. It was too much, and you still had nightmares about the HYDRA agents you had shot outside of the control room.

But you also didn't want to risk re-capture.

A memory of a needle piercing your skin flashed through your mind, and you flinched from the pain that it brought.

Suddenly, Bucky spoke up. His voice was hard, and left no room for arguing.

"She's going. I'm staying"

Steve tried to object anyway.

"Buck-" He started, but Sam cut him off this time.

"You don't have to" The man was saying, "We can hold them off ourselves"

"No" Bucky insisted, his hands tightened into fists at his side, "I have to do this. Don't you see? I helped cause all of this. I need to make amends for what I've done over the years. ______ is going, though. Natasha, you get her safe. You get her as far away from here as you can. But I'm staying"

"If you're staying, I'm staying too" You argued as you rounded on him.

You were aware of how his eyes fastened on your quivering lip, but you stood your ground as his eyes bore into yours in a silent battle of wills. Suddenly, his expression softened, and despite the fact that your friends were watching, his hand rose to cup your face. One of his arms slid around you, tugging your body closer to his. His lips pressed against your forehead, and your hands rose to grasp his t-shirt. He drew back, tilting his head down until your gazes met once more.

"Wait, are they...?" You heard Tony gasp, until he was violently shushed by Bruce.

"I need you to go" Bucky told you quietly, "I need to right my wrongs-"

"But-" You started again, but he lifted a finger to your lips to shush you.

"Just let me finish" He ordered gently.

You nodded mutely.

"I have to fix all the mistakes I've made over the years. And... If they take me, then they can't take you. If they do what they did before, take away my memories and make me a slave to their will... You're... You're the only person that would be able to get me back. I'd come back to you, ______. I will _always_ come back to you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, apologies once more for the wait.
> 
> This story should wrap up quite nicely in a few chapters, which I will get done as soon as I can. The reason why I need to get this story done so quickly was that I've decided to repeat my final year of school (I'm repeating the Leaving Cert, to all you Irish readers). You see, I got a rather nice spot in DCU (Dublin City University), but I can't take it. On Monday they offered me a course, but the problem is when my parents and I were checking out how I'd get there and back and THERE IS LIKE NO DIRECT ROUTES and I'd be travelling for over two hours everyday on buses (I haven't learned to drive just yet). So in order for me to get into a uni close to home; I have to go and do those exams again *Grumbles about what bullsh*t the Irish education system is*
> 
> So another year of studying my ass off, but seeing as I did skip a year I'll be back with my old friends, and actually be the right age to take my exams :O So it should all work out today (hopefully!)
> 
> I hope you're all well darlings x


	26. Lessons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hi guys. Very long time, no see. It's my bad and I'm sorry. Went through one of those times where life just takes over and you don't have time for anything else. It happens, unfortunately. I hope you're all doing well!
> 
> I'm in uni now, final year. Have to start thinking about master's courses and all that, so while I'll try to upload every so often I really can't promise regular timed updates! Also I want to go through and fix up previously chapters, the grammar and all that. Maybe add some bits in to make it have a greater sense of flow. The story won't change fundamentally, but the next few weeks I'll try edit it so just saying if you wanna read form the start again at some stage, I'll let you know when I'm done.
> 
> I just wanted to say again, thank you for all the comments, kudos, bookmarks and subscriptions. There are so many comments that I don't know when I'll be able to reply to yours, which I really hate because I always think if someone takes the time to comment you should take the time to reply! But I wanted to say a big thank you here anyhow. Also my Tumblr, which has been about as active as my AO3 account the last few years, anyone who has messaged me on that, I will try to respond at some stage, but thank you for messaging! The encouragement really means a lot!
> 
> Sorry for mistakes, on my way to work now (part-time job woooooo), so I'll try take a peek over it either tomorrow or Monday! But my boyfriend is just back from being abroad, and I have another assignment due this Friday so realistically who knows when I can edit. Just wanted to put it up as I felt you've been waiting long enough!
> 
> Much love, irishgirl321 xx

“I think I need some air.” It was more of a choked gasp than words.

Steve looked at you from across the table, and his face was twisted in concern. His face seemed to be swimming around in your vision, and you knew it was because you were feeling seriously unsteady. Your head felt like it was about to burst from all the information and thoughts crammed into it. Using both hands you pushed yourself away from the table, and just focused on putting one foot in front of the other as you headed towards the balcony.

You could hear footsteps behind you and you turned to see Bucky trailing after you. The corners of his mouth were turned down and his face was pointing towards the ground, though his eyes were on you. There was worry and uncertainty in there, coupled with anger and sadness. It hurt you to do this when he was looking so much like a kicked puppy, but you were angry too so you halted in your tracks and shook your head.

At first he looked confused, not knowing what you meant. He stepped forward again but you stopped in your tracks to square your shoulders and shake your head again.

_Not you._

That was when he got it. His body sagged slightly in defeat. Brown eyes pleaded with yours, but you held your ground and shook your head again. You didn't speak for two reasons. The first reason was you don’t want to draw attention to this moment. The second reason was you didn’t trust yourself to be able to talk at all. There was a burning lump in your throat, and you could feel tears pricking the corners of your eyes.

Still maintaining eye contact, you took another step forward towards the outdoors. This time he hung back, foot tracing the ground, but he respected your wishes and did not attempt to follow. You turned back around, both pleased and slightly disappointed that he wasn’t trying to follow you anyway, and continued out to the balcony. You opened the door and stepped out, closing it softly behind you.

The sounds of the city seemed quiet, far off, even though it was a fairly busy area. You could hear traffic going by, a few horns beeping, but mostly you just heard the wind. It was a gentle breeze, but enough to stir your clothing, causing your jacket to flap against you. The wind was cool and refreshing, so you closed your eyes and inhaled deeply.

It didn’t do much for the churning ball of emotions all twisted up in your stomach, but it did make you feel less like you’re going to pass out. You moved to the banister, leaning your forearms against it and looking out over the buildings and skyline in-front of you. You sighed loudly, wondering how your life became such a mess in a matter of months.

In some ways, you wished it all had never happened. That you could have stayed in your little bubble in your lab at SHIELD, going for coffee with Natasha and having an ever-growing collection of shot glasses that she brought you back every time she returned from a mission in another country. You wouldn’t have been kidnapped, tortured, and turned into some kind of superhuman that wasn’t actually allowed to _do_ anything useful. You wouldn’t have to deal with this oncoming attack, and you wouldn’t have to leave behind the people you loved so you could be smuggled off to safety like some kind of frightened child.

_It just sucked._

But… If it hadn’t happened, you wouldn’t have met him. Bucky. He’d still be out there, frightened and alone. Maybe you were just some sort of lovesick idiot, but at the end of the day… All that you had suffered was a price that you were more than willing to pay for getting to be with him. Even for this short amount of time.

The door closed quietly behind you, but it’s unexpectedness made you jump. You twisted, looking over your shoulder to see who had come out. You were half expecting it to be Bucky having not listened to you and come out anyhow, but it wasn’t. It was the other person that you were half expecting.

Natasha strode out until she was directly beside you, all the while watching you with intense green eyes. You turned away from her, not really willing to talk just now. From the corner of your vision you could see her starting to open her mouth, getting ready to say something. You just held up a hand.

“Please. Don’t. Just… Not right now. I just want to mope for a bit. Can you not just let me mope?”

Of course, your begging didn’t deter her. Nothing really stopped Natasha Romanoff when she had something on her mind. So she continued.

“I agree with you. It’s total bullshit.” That took you by surprise. She’d been a lot more protective since you came back, so this was kind of out of character. You thought she’d be more than happy to have a chance to cart you away somewhere safe. She obviously noticed your shock, and smirked slightly. “Why are you so startled? I don’t want to have to leave my friends to take this one alone either. It’s not fair.”

“No… It isn’t,” you agreed.

“But we have to,” she stated.

_Ah. There it was._

You turned your face away so that she wouldn’t catch you rolling your eyes, but she was a super assassin so she must have sensed it somehow as she elbowed you in the side. It was a fairly hard nudge that might have hurt you otherwise, but due to your new genetic enhancement you barely felt it.

“It makes sense,” she tried to tell you. “As much as I hate it, it does make sense. If you can get him back, we need to keep you safe. They can’t get you both. _____, it just… Makes sense.”

“I really don’t need it from you too,” you said wearily. “Through all that planning in there, it was all so _pointed_. Always thrown in there. That me going away made sense. They just kept including it, and I could see right through it.”

“Because they knew you were still going to argue over it.”

“Obviously. This isn’t fair. I have just as much of a right to fight as anyone else.”

“But you’re not going to fight,” another voice rang out as another person stepped onto the balcony. “Things are already stressful. Don’t make them more so.”

Both you and Natasha turned around to see who was the newest member of the balcony club. Clint was walking out, and for once in his life he looked somewhat irritated at you. That made you both pissed and little upset, so you twisted away once again. The archer moved up, standing to your other side. You tried to not look at him, but he was staring at you so intently that it was more awkward to ignore him than to actually look at him. And so, with another sigh, you met his eyes.

He looked tired, his face drawn and frown lines deeper than you had ever seen them before. "There’s no point in arguing. It’s already been decided. Majority vote, and you were out-ruled. I know you wanna stay, I get it guys. _____, you need to be kept safe. If something happens to the rest of us and then they take him… Well, you are literally the last hope then. You have the best chance of bringing him back and stopping all of this even if the rest of us fail. So you need to go, kiddo. For that reason and the fact that you’ve never been in a battle like this before. We can’t be distracted worrying about you.”

“No one else was ever eased into it,” you huffed, folding your arms and glaring at him because you hated the patience in his tone and the sense that he was making.

“That may be true, but we have the experience. You don’t. If you want to join into the next one, if there is a next one after this, than that’s fine. I’ll set up some sort of Avengers’ fight club. But for now you’re not going into the ring. Okay?”

You glared at him silently.

“Okay?” he asked a bit more forcefully.

You debated not answering again, but when you saw the pleading look in his eyes you somewhat deflated. “Okay.”

“Good girl,” he reached out to ruffle your hair, which you found pretty patronizing.

You debated grapping his wrist and twisting it a little, not to do any damage but just to teach him a lesson, but decided not to. He wasn’t trying to be an asshole.

“One more thing,” his face was serious. “Don’t hold it against him, you know? He’s doing it for you. Besides… If he’s going into this thing you can’t be mad when you say goodbye. Or if you are mad just internalize it. Don’t leave things on a bad note.”

You heard the unsaid words echo as if he actually had spoken them.

_Just in case._

So you nodded again, gruff but defeated. He smiled at you once more, this time a much happier one and then started to make for the balcony door. He paused just before entering the apartment.

“Your car is coming soon. You might want to come in and take this opportunity to say goodbye to everyone.”

Then the lump in your throat was back all of a sudden, and this time you felt a tear escape your eye and trickle down your cheek. When he saw the change in your expresion Clint’s face dropped in sympathy, and he opened his mouth to say something else but Natasha stepped forward to drape an arm around your shoulders, and made a shooing motion towards him with her hand. He stuck out his tongue at her, and then retreated into the apartment once more and closed the door behind him. Natasha swiftly slid around in-front of you, blocking your face from view to anyone who was would have been watching from inside. She put her hands on either one of your shoulders and made so that she was eye level with you.

“Take a few moments to pull yourself together,” she advised kindly.

You nodded, and closed your eyes to take a few deep breaths once more. You waited until you felt as calm as you figured you could be in this situation, and then opened your eyes. Natasha cocked her eyebrow curiously at you, and you nodded curtly to show your emotions were back in check.

“Alright then,” she said quietly. “Let’s do this.”

She still kept one reassuring hand on your shoulder as you walked back into the apartment together.

The first thing you immediately noticed was that Bucky wasn’t there. Your heart almost seemed to skip a beat as you thought he may have just left without saying goodbye. Obviously noticing your eyes flickering wildly around the room and the colour rapidly draining from your face, Steve stepped forward to placate you.

“He’s in the bedroom, packing your stuff,” he informed you earnestly, hands held out in-front of him. His gaze then switched to Natasha and a much more serious tone crept into his voice. “We’re going to start heading downstairs and loading up.”

Natasha sighed, and moved forward. Then she did something that you had not expected, and pulled Steve into a tight hug. He seemed a bit startled at first also, but then his expression became warm and his arms wrapped around her as he embraced her back.

“Keep yourself safe, Rogers,” her voice was muffled. “I don’t want to have to go back to being Clint’s partner.”

“Hey! I heard that!” an indignant voice came from the hallway.

You laughed, but had to turn away. You felt weird watching Steve and Natasha say goodbye.

You stood there awkwardly, scuffling your feet on the ground. You were eyeing the bedroom door, debating going in at that moment. You were stopped as a shadow fell on you as someone stepped in-front of you. You looked up to see Sam Wilson, an awkward smile on his face.

“Hey,” you said automatically.

“Hey,” he responded, slightly nervous. “Look, I know we don’t know each-other that well, but I just wanted to say goodbye and stay safe. And I’ll keep an eye on him. I’m already carer for one old man,” he shot a pointed look at Steve. “What’s the difference in minding another?”

You giggled a little at that which made Sam smirk mischievously. He awkwardly opened his arms to you, and you stepped in and gave him a warm hug.

“Look after yourself, Sam,” you replied quietly. “Thank you for everything.”

You released him and stepped back. He gave you a mock salute, and turned away to leave. You watched him approach Nat and Steve, who were now just talking quietly. The sound of footsteps had you look at who was approaching you next. Dr Banner was moving towards you, his head dipped in a somewhat submissive manner.

“How are you holding up?” he asked softly, eyes sparkling with concern.

You thought about lying and saying you were okay, but he was so kind that you couldn’t. You felt that he wouldn’t judge you for whatever you said.

“I’m not okay,” you told him a little tearfully. “I feel like this whole thing is my fault.”

“It’s not,” he said earnestly, taking another step closer to you. “You can’t blame yourself for the actions of bad men. If everyone did that we’d all have a whole lot of baggage.”

“Now you all are putting your lives on the line for me,” you continued miserably.

“If you haven’t noticed, that’s what we do,” the scientist laughed kindly. “And it’s not just for you. This is one of the few times we have a chance at taking on the majority of their force in one place. This could put a stop to them once and for all.”

“You’re just trying to make me feel better.”

“I am trying to make you feel better, but it doesn’t mean what I’m saying isn’t true,” he counteracted.

“Now I can see why they call you the smart one,” you raised a brow at him.

He chuckled, looking a little bashful at the compliment. Another loud voice interrupted.

“Bruce, the girl could use some happiness right about now. You’re just depressing her.” Tony Stark sauntered over from the table, shaking his head in mock sadness. He positioned himself in-front of you, blocking Bruce from your view.

“Hey, sweet cheeks,” he smirked. “Do I get a kiss goodbye?”

Despite his ridiculous attitude in the face of potential death, you had to laugh. “You really are insufferable. You know that, Stark?”

“And you’re so insulting. Like all the time,” he retorted. “Honestly I’ll be glad if I never have to see you again.”

“Tony!” Steve gasped in horror.

You cracked up laughing, knowing he was only joking.

“You need to mind yourself,” you prodded a finger into his chest. “If you go where will I get my comic relief from?”

“I don’t know, Andy Samberg is probably a close second.”

“Take care of yourself, Tony.”

He smiled at you, a rare tenderness in his eyes. “If I can’t get a goodbye kiss, how about a goodbye hug?”

“That I can do,” you smiled as his arms wrapped around you.

When the hug ended you noticed that Bruce was still lingering behind Tony. Not wanting to leave him out, you went and embraced him too.

“Good luck,” you whispered into his ear.

“If I have to come out it’s them who’ll need luck,” he told you in a rare display of confidence.

“Alright, my turn to say goodbye.”

You felt your heart lurch slightly as you heard the voice. Saying goodbye to Bruce, Sam and even Tony was one thing. You liked them but you didn’t really know them. However, saying goodbye to a very close friend was a different thing. Much more painful and terrifying.

_Ugh, oh, the tears were en route back._

You angled your face towards the ground so that no one would see. A warm hand cupped your chin and raised your face. Clint smiled at you, his hand moving from your chin to caress the side of your face in a caring manner.

“If you start crying, I’ll start crying,” he warned you jokingly.

“You’re such a strange man,” you rolled your eyes, trying to put on a brave face.

“It’s why you love me,” he shrugged.

That was what made you break down. Tears began to leak from your eyes as you looked at him, wondering if this was going to be the last time you ever saw him. You weren’t entirely sure you could handle that.

“Jesus, Clint!” you heard Natasha exclaim.

“Awh, no, _____, don’t cry!” Clint said desperately, pulling you into a tight hug.

You buried your face into his chest, balling his t-shirt in your fists and tried to pull yourself together (again). “I am literally going to have no water left in my body at all after today,” you managed to choke out.

You felt his laughter vibrate in his chest.

“Got to keep hydrated,” Clint quipped for no other reason than to make the situation less awkward.

“You know it,” you moved back from him, but he pulled you back into his chest.

“You don’t get away that easily,” his voice was gruff.

You put your arms around him again, pressing your forehead into his chest. When you spoke again your voice sounded small. “You need to promise me that you’ll take care of yourself. You’ve got to come back. I really don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t around to bug the hell out of me and arrive with Chinese at the most inappropriate times.”

“I’ll try my best, kiddo. For a guy with no super-powers I’m actually pretty hard to kill. Like an annoying insect that won’t go away no matter how many times you swat at it. And you… You need to take care of yourself. And Nat. I need my two favourite wing-women in one semi-functioning piece.”

"Semi-functioning?"

"It's not like you're fully functioning right now," he quipped with a smirk.

You shook your head, but you were genuinely amused. “Alright.”

“Alright?”

“What’s wrong with ‘alright?’”

“It’s not enough of an agreement. Do you pinkie swear?” he held out his hand, all fingers folded down except for the smallest one.

You shook your head disbelievingly. These guys really were a strange crowd sometimes.

“Yeah, Clint. I pinkie swear,” you wrapped your finger around his and gave him a somewhat condescending look that turned into a smile when he pulled you in the kiss your forehead.

“I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.”

He released you, giving you another warm look before making his way over to Natasha who was waiting to say goodbye to him by the front door. That just left you and Steve, standing and looking at each-other. You looked away from him, realising that you were in-fact feeling somewhat reproachful and annoyed at him, even though you really had no right to be.

“I’m sorry,” his voice was earnest.

You didn’t respond because you weren’t really sure what to say. You didn’t have any right to be upset at him, but you were for unfathomable reasons. Maybe it was one of those “blame the messenger” situations.

“I wasn’t trying to be forceful about you staying behind,” he continued. “I just, I do agree. I couldn’t get him back all the way. That’s… It’s all on you. And I can’t have him lost again. So I can’t let you come with us.”

The sincerity in his voice was what made you relent. “It’s alright, Steve. I get it. I’m just so frustrated and scared by it all.”

The tremble was back in your voice and you silently hated yourself for being such a baby in-front of the Avengers. You were never good at keeping your emotions in check.

“It is scary,” he agreed. “So you need to go far away.” He moved forward and you know he wanted to touch you, to make sure that you actually are okay with him before he leaves.

The action had you thaw completely, and you put a hand on his arm. His sky blue eyes were searching and worried as they met yours. You squeezed his arm reassuringly, giving him a small smile before stepping forward and wrapping your arms around him.

“I’ve said this so much already that I kind of feel like it’s losing its effect, but please stay safe,” you sighed into his chest. “He needs you too, you know.”

“I’ll make sure he’s okay,” Steve promised. “I’m not going to let anything happen to him.”

“Don’t do anything stupid trying to be heroic,” you warned as you released him. “I don’t the next time I see you to be in seventy years when I have amnesia and don’t remember who you are.”

“I’ll try my best.”

Blue eyes glimmered at you fondly. “Right. Time for us to take off I guess. Tell Bucky we’ll meet him at the car. We’ll give you some privacy…” He trailed off, before turning on his heel and striding towards the waiting Natasha, Clint, and the front door.

Natasha opened it for them, motioning for the guys to go through first. Steve gave you a final look and a reassuring nod before exiting. As Clint went to follow him through the doorframe he suddenly twisted on his heel to turn again and face you. Face perfectly serious, he gave you a formal military salute. You giggled, and saluted back. His face melted into that familiar scrunchy smile. He winked at you, and then he was gone.

Natasha stepped out too, starting to close the door behind you. Catching your confused expression, she reiterated what Steve had said a few minutes beforehand. “Privacy. Be back when he comes down.”

You nodded, thankful that they all understood and gave you the space you needed at this moment. The space to say goodbye properly.

The front door closed and you were left alone in the living room of the apartment. Compared to how it had been when you came in, it was now so silent. You couldn’t even hear movement from the bedroom, where you knew Bucky was.

_Bucky._

_Okay. It was time._

You sucked in a deep breath, calming yourself. You didn’t want your potential last moments to be ruined by you snot-crying. Moving to the bedroom door, you reached out and grasped the cold metal doorknob. Twisting it, you pushed it open to reveal the bedroom.

Clothes were draped across your bed, drawers pulled open. Bucky was at your wardrobe, rifling through the drawer containing your undergarments. He had a duffel bag grasped in his metal hand, and he was busy throwing underwear and bras into the bag with his other free one. Obviously hearing you come in, he stopped and looked at you. You wished the long hair was back because it would have somewhat hidden the hurt look in his eyes. Hurt and fear. Not because of what was coming, but because of how you had acted earlier when he only had aspired to keep you safe.

“Hey,” you tried to speak normally but it came out as a whisper.

His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed before responding. “Hey.”

“Thanks for packing my stuff,” you had no idea what else to say.

“No problem. I needed something to do.”

You ran a hand through your hair in agitation before speaking again. “I’m sorry for earlier. This whole thing is just crazy and I’m not used to it. I don’t even know what I’m feeling and I’m sorry for lashing out.”

His mouth quirked down, sadness coating his features. “You shouldn’t be. This is my fault.”

That had to make you chuckle. He cocked his head in confusion, not knowing why you were a little amused.

“I said the same thing to Bruce earlier,” you clarified. “He told me that I can’t hold myself responsible for the decisions of bad men. Maybe we should both take his advice.”

“I don’t think I will never not blame myself for all this.”

He sounded so defeated that you felt your heart crack inside your chest for him.

“Nobody else blames you,” you told him softly.

“Doesn’t matter. I still do.”

“Well how about we make a deal? You stop blaming yourself, and I stop blaming myself. We could give it a go, because to be honest this self-pity really isn’t going to do us any favours with what’s to come.”

He thought about it for a moment, and while you could see that he didn’t have too much faith in it working he was willing to give it a go. For you.  “I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask,” you answered smoothly. “Now, let me see that bag. What have you got there?”

“T-shirts, sweaters, trousers, underwear, bras and socks,” he nodded at the bag. “I figured it was better you carry light stuff so that you can grab it and make a break for it if you need to.”

“That’s very considerate of you,” you decided enough was enough and went to stand behind him.

You wrapped your arms around his waist, cuddling up close to him. He breathed out and you could feel some of the tension leak out of his body. His hand slid up to cover yours, warm and comforting against you. He began to rub his thumb over your hands, and you pressed a kiss to his back in response.

“If you don’t come back I’ll kill you,” you reminded him.

There was a small chest-jerk as he huffed out a laugh. “I’ll try keep that in mind.”

“Seriously though,” you started to turn him around to face you. “Please stay safe. Please come back to me. I don’t think I could go on if…”

The tears made a return as the horrible thought played in your mind. This time, however, you weren’t sobbing. Instead the tears were just leaking from your eyes in a steady, unending stream. Bucky’s face twisted in sorrow as he took in the miserable sight you were.

His hands went around your face, warm skin and cool metal, and pulled you close to him, pressing kisses all over your face, to your cheek, your forehead, your nose, all over. That just made the tears flow even faster. He pressed one last, lingering kiss into your hair before drawing back to look at you again.

“I’ll come back to you,” he promised. “I said I’d never leave you, remember? That still stands.”

“But I have to leave you,” you said plaintively.

“You forced me to leave you once, my turn now.”

“I don’t think I fully appreciate your logic there, Barnes.”

“You can give out to me about it when you see me next,” he leaned behind him to snag an open pack of tissues and began to mop the tears from your face.

“I’ll be sure to.” You reached up and took his hand in yours. The tissue dropped to the floor as you entwined your fingers. “As soon as I see you.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

In any other situation you would have been suggestive, and said something along the lines of “you can hold me now.” But it wasn’t the right moment for that. This wasn’t the time to be flirtatious and lustful. It was one of those sad, tender moments. The ones that linger and replay in your mind over and over again.

However, you might never see him again.

That was what made you suddenly move forward, shoving your mouth against him and kissing him hard. It wasn’t a gentle kiss, it was hungry, desperate. He didn’t react for a moment, obviously startled in the sudden change in your demeanour. For a second you wondered if he’s disentangle your arms as they slid up around his neck, if he didn’t want to do this either.

Then he started to kiss you back, just as fiercely. His hands went around your back before moving down. You held the side of his face, never breaking the kiss. There was nothing to stop you this time. No one to come knocking on the door.

His hands travelled down until they were on your thighs. His hold tightened and he pulled you up, holding you so you were straddling him, legs wrapped around his hips. Holding you carefully, he slowly sauntered back towards your bed. Then he let go, and you flopped down to the bed. For a moment you stared at him in shock, wondering why he wasn’t following you down onto the mattress. He took the hem of his t-shirt in his hands, and in some smooth motion pulled it over his head and off. It fluttered to the floor beside him and you watched it slowly fall, before dragging your eyes back to him.

He stood in-front of you, all of a sudden a bit awkward as he stood there shirtless, despite the fact that he had the body of a god. He ran a hand through his hair, tousling it and looking at you nervously. You smiled, leaning on your elbows and extending one hand to grab hold of his. You tugged it gently, and he followed as you lead him down onto the bed on top of you.

“Are you okay?” you asked softly, not wanting to push him if he wasn’t sure.

“Yes,” he whispered. “I just don’t want to lose control.”

Holding his face tenderly, you closed your eyes and pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead, before returning to his lips. His arms hugged you close, but not close enough.

“You won’t,” you promised, your mouth against his.

They were both vying there, in his eyes. The Winter Soldier and Bucky Barnes. But they were two sides of the same coin, the same person, and you loved them both.

And then clothes were falling off. Your shirt hung over the post at the end of the bed, both of your trousers on the floor. The bedsheets were messed up, tangled around you. Decorative pillows littered the floor.

It was quiet in the apartment, the door muffling the creaking of the bed post, and the low moans coming from the bedroom.

Not that there was anyone there to hear.

 

* * *

 

Downstairs, Tony turned to the others with a frustrated sigh. “What’s taking them so long?”

He made to open the door and head back into the apartment complex, undoubtedly back to the bedroom to try hurry you both up. He wasn’t trying to be insensitive, he knew this was difficult. But he also knew that they needed to go.

An arm shot out, blocking his path. He looked at Steve in confusion, brown eyes meeting blue. He would have thought that Steve would be eager to get on the road as well.

“Cap?” he asked curiously.

“Are you really so clueless, Stark?” Natasha’s voice rang out, dripping with disbelief.

“Seriously, Tony? Even _I_ know not to go up there,” Steve scoffed. “Who’s the innocent one now?”

“Awh, Tony. Do you need someone to teach you about the bird and the bees?” It was Clint’s turn to make a smart remark.

_Oh._

_OH._

Tony got it. He didn’t know how he hadn’t gotten it before. He let go of the door handle, and let the half opened door swing closed. The archer’s eyes were sparkling with barely contained mirth. Natasha tried to hide her laughter in a cough, obviously trying to keep face in an otherwise serious situation. Tony narrowed his eyes at her, knowing fine well what she doing.

“See Tony, when a man and a woman love eachother…” Christ on a bike, even Bruce was starting now.

Tony suddenly got an unpleasant experience of what it was like to be Steve.

“…They do a special hug…” Bruce was still going on, much to the total amusement of everyone else.

“We’ll get you a book,” Sam told him. “It’ll explain everything.”

Tony had no doubt that when this was all over, if they were still standing, that they would actually go and get him a book.

_Yup. This joke was gonna stick around for a while._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> Just to clear things up for some people who might be upset at how I referred to Bucky as 'The Winter Soldier' :  
> At the start of this series Bucky is still not himself. He is still confused, lost, and most importantly; He still is the Winter Soldier.  
> This will change, though, but for now, that's what it is.
> 
> Hope you're enjoying, and as usual: I don't own any of the characters apart from my OCs.


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